Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster?

No thanks, I think I'll have a Non-invasive Fat Blaster, instead.

Gratuitous Beer Picture

Click to embiggen (ehem).

"Oktoberfest is a 16- to 18-day festival held each year in Munich, Bavaria, Germany, running from late September to the first weekend in October. It is one of the most famous events in Germany and the world's largest fair, with some six million people attending every year. The Oktoberfest is an important part of Bavarian culture. Other cities across the world also hold Oktoberfest celebrations, modelled after the Munich event."

Millennials Skip Adulthood, Go Straight to Mid-Life Crisis

A new survey (science!):

Work and relationship pressures make the mid-30s the start of many British people's unhappiest decade, a survey suggests.

Of the 2,000 people quizzed, more aged 35 to 44 said that they felt lonely or depressed than in other age groups.

[snip]

Of those surveyed, 21% of men and women aged 35 to 44 said they felt lonely a lot of the time, and a similar percentage said that bad relationships, either at work or home, had left them feeling depressed.

[ship]

Claire Tyler, Relate's chief executive, said: "Traditionally we associated the mid-life crisis with people in their late 40s to 50s, but the report reveals that this period could be reaching people earlier than we would expect.

Hmmm. This means that late members of Generation X, and older members of the "Echo Boomers," or Generation Y, rightly distinguished for extending adolescence, stretching out school, and postponing marriage and child-bearing until into their 30s (or beyond), very quickly thereafter discover that being a grownup is, like, hard. And, like, dishes get dirty and the car needs to go to the shop and the kid threw up on the cat which threw up on the bed, and that the guy in the next cubicle has a problem with personal hygiene.

So they chill in the dorm or Mom's basement, then work three days a week at Ruby Tuesday, decide at 32 that it's time to get their act together, and shortly thereafter have an existential "mid-life" crisis.

The human race is doomed.

You Can't Lose It

Once upon a time, when #1 Son was still little (he's still young) one of his friends was at the house and wanted to stay for dinner. "That's fine," I said, "Go call your mom and make sure it's ok with her." Off he went to the kitchen. Five minutes later he returned to report, "I don't know how to work the telephone."

It had this rotating disk thing on it instead of handy buttons with numbers. That is to say, had the kid instead been a chimp in a lab, he'd apparently have starved to death.

This is the telephone that sits on my desk at this very moment:

It works perfectly. It's impossible to lose, it makes a great paper-weight, and the receiver is sufficiently hefty that I expect to use it in the last stages of the impending zombie apocalypse. When the power goes out it works just fine, thank you very much. It is impervious to an electromagnetic pulse attack. Having been manufactured by Western Electric during the AT&T monopoly, it was part of their "gold-plated system," and is thus well-nigh indestructible. Centuries from now it will still be in service, though probably being used by the surviving cockroaches to make dinner plans.

Like your iPhone, it tells me what time it is ((303)-499-7111). Unlike your iPhone, it won't tell me where I am or how to get where I'm going, inasmuch as these are philosophical questions best not left to Steve Jobs. It never needs charging, it is never responsible for "can you hear me now," and it has no "quick dial" feature capable of calling the wrong "Susan." No matter how drunk I am, it will send no pictures to ex-bosses or ex-girlfriends. Indeed, once fine motor control is compromised, it is incapable of drunk-dialing. There's an available app for storing often-called numbers. It has a built-in "call refusal" mode, referred to as "taking the phone off the hook." Since I can't put it in my pocket, idiots can't find me when I'm not here.

Not only is it superior in all respects to that ridiculous thing in your pocket, but even a child can make it work.

If You Want to be Happy For the Rest of Your Life . . . . . .

Montana Woman Squashes Bear

The collie appeared to be uninjured.

"Worm Hits Computers" at Iranian Nuclear Plant

According to the Associated Press:

A complex computer worm capable of seizing control of industrial plants has affected the personal computers of staff working at Iran's first nuclear power station weeks before the facility is to go online, the official news agency reported Sunday.

The project manager at the Bushehr nuclear plant, Mahmoud Jafari, said a team is trying to remove the malware from several affected computers, though it "has not caused any damage to major systems of the plant," the IRNA news agency reported.

It was the first sign that the malicious computer code, dubbed Stuxnet, which has spread to many industries in Iran, has also affected equipment linked to the country's nuclear program, which is at the core of the dispute between Tehran and Western powers like the United States.

Experts in Germany discovered the worm in July, and it has since shown up in a number of attacks — primarily in Iran, Indonesia, India and the U.S.

The malware is capable of taking over systems that control the inner workings of industrial plants.

One would like to think that we did this, and that the background noise of such attacks in the West are not entirely real, but just part of the story concocted to confuse the Iranians. Unless they're idiots, they're going to suspect we did it anyway.

When Vegetarians Go . . . . . Zombie

Tee-shirt available from Seventh.Ink.

Renew The Tickets, Already

Click to Embiggen

Time for Rutgers Football

Tune-up games are done and won. Time to play. ESPNU, 3:30, North Carolina, at Rutgers Stadium.

Don't Blame Us: We Told You So

Sesame Street: Gay? OK. Girls with Breasts? Not so much.

Today's lesson is brought to you by the letter D.

Bert & Ernie, male non-siblings of indeterminate age live together, parentless, and sleep in the same bedroom. Assuming them to be more than merely creepy, they're obviously gay.

An LA Times Blog reports:

"Sesame Street has always been written on two levels, for the child and adult. We use parodies and celebrity segments to interest adults in the show because we know that a child learns best when co-viewing with a parent or care-giver," the producers said Thursday in a statement.

"We also value our viewer’s opinions and particularly those of parents. In light of the feedback we’ve received on the Katy Perry music video which was released on You Tube only, we have decided we will not air the segment on the television broadcast of Sesame Street, which is aimed at preschoolers. Katy Perry fans will still be able to view the video on You Tube."

Check it out:

Personally, we always thought Maria was hot:

Just so the record's straight, we don't really think Bert & Ernie are any more gay than my never-married Great-Aunt Sarah, who lived with "Auntie Julia" for 40 years.

Wherein We Once Again Did Not Get the Memo

Politico reports:

With health reform’s popularity steadily slipping, top administration officials turned to faith-based groups that supported the law to do their part explaining it. On an hour-long conference call Tuesday, they outlined the Patients’ Bill of Rights and asked faith-based and community groups to get the word out on the new provisions. “I wanted to have this call because we have a big day coming up, the six-month anniversary of health reform’s passage,” President Obama told leaders on the conference call, hosted through Health and Human Services’ Center for Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships. Obama later added that, “The debate in Washington is over, the Affordable Care Act is now law. ...I think all of you can be really important validators and trusted resources for friends and neighbors, to help explain what’s now available to them.” Joshua DuBois, head of the White House’s Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships, got even more specific: “Get the word out there, get information out there. Make use of the resources described on this call: the website, door hangers, one pagers and so forth. We’ve got work to do.”

Faith-based; get information out; important validators; trusted resources.

Here we thought religion and politics don't mix; that there's a "wall" between church and state; that we shouldn't let anyone impose theocracy on us. Yet here the President urges "people of faith" to take his political position, dip it in a tasty coating of religion, and feed their sheep.

We'll have to check our IN box again.

Deck Chairs? Check. Titanic? Check. Rearranging? Check

Shamelessly swiped from The Divine Ms. Althouse.

"Things That Disappoint Us" for $500

Any news story that includes the line:  "The video has since been pulled from YouTube."

Racist Vietnamese Bastard!

California's 47th Congressional district (Orange County) is currently represented by Democrat Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez.  She's pretty cute.  Her Republican opponent in November is Assemblyman Van Tran, whose antecedents apparently hail from Viet Nam.  Both Ms. Sanchez and Mr. Tran are, of course, Americans.

Representative Sanchez recently appeared on Spanish-language Univision, and delivered herself of the view that Mr. Tran is "anti-immigration" (which, of course, means "racist") and is moreover part of a conspiracy between Republicans and Vietnamese to "take back this seat from us."  That is, this particular Congressional seat belongs to "us" and we shouldn't let those damned Vietnamese take it away.

We are moderately confident that everyone from the California 47th who will be voting is an American, and that whoever is elected, they also will be an American.

There is No New Thing Under the Sun

There is a Catholic answer to every question, and there is a Catholic solution to every problem. The faith once for all time delivered to the Saints stands helpless before no challenge.

And so truly, truly, I say unto you: Father Z's blog has sufferred from technical attacks, whether DOS or otherwise is unclear, while at the same time he's experienced "odd" behavior from Facebook. All seems now mostly to be well.

In the meantime, Father Z provided a Catholic response to the problem. He composed a "Litany for the Conversion of Internet Thugs," which he advises is for "private use only, and when truly irritated, and when the alternative is foul language." It just doesn't get more Catholic than this:

Litany for the Conversion of Internet Thugs

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the World, have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God, have mercy on us.

Lest internet thugs be eternally tormented by all the fiends of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they pass eternity in utter despair, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they come to be damned for the harm they cause, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they roast forever in the deepest cinders of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they suffer the unceasing pain of loss, convert them, O Lord.

Lest devils endlessly increase their physical agony, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils twist their bowels and boil their blood in hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils use them as their toys and tools, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils gnaw on their skulls, convert them, O Lord.

Lest the innocent be harmed by their sins, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent yield to them in weakness, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent be drawn into their traps, convert them, O Lord.

From faceless Facebook admin drones, spare us O Lord.
From tweeting Twitter idiots, spare us O Lord.
From heart-hardened spammers, spare us O Lord.
From rss feed problems, spare us O Lord.
From server memory resource difficulties, spare us O Lord.

From viruses, trojan horses, and all manner of snares, Lord save us.
From wasting our time, Lord save us.
From our own stupidity, Lord save us.

St. Isidore, defend us.
St. Francis de Sales, defend us.
St. Gabriel, defend us.
St. Michael, defend us.
Guardian angels, defend us.
All the angels and saints….. GRRRRR.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord,
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V. Christ, Jesus who died for our sins.
R. Return, and return swiftly.

Let us pray.
Almighty and eternal God,
who according to an ineffable plan
called us into existence to do your will
amid the vicissitudes and contagion of this world
grant, we beseech you,
through your mercy and grace
both to protect the innocent who use the tools of this digital age
and to convert from their evil ways all those who abuse them.
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Too Good to be True Department

This news truly falls into the "what would I do if I won the lottery?" category. Barney Frank is NOT going to lose his seat, and the hard data suggests only that he's actually in a race, not that he's likely to lose it. The wild card is that he's only 9 points ahead, while nobody seems to know who the heck opponent is. In fact that opponent, Sean Bielat, is the real deal: Marine, Georgetown/Harvard/Wharton, industry experience at McKinsey and iRobot. Of course, in Barney's district (Mass-4), having been a Marine is probably the kiss of death.

Evil Bastards Refuse to Insure Burning House!!

Stones refuse to give blood, apples insist on falling from trees, death remains certain.

This is simply too dumb to merit comment.  OF COURSE health insurers will stop writing individual policies for a group if they're required to write such policies for applicants with pre-existing conditions.  That wouldn't, after all, be insurance.  Insurance requires the pooling of risk, with premiums based on the actuarially determined amount necessary to cover the actual claims of those in the pool.  The proper premium for a pool consisting entirely of burning houses is 100% of the insured value.

Any other arrangement involves taking money from one person and giving it to another because it's been decided that he needs it more.  Personally, I think I need my neighbor's truck much more than he needs it.

When I do that, it's called Grand Theft-Auto.  When the Government does it, it's called Health Care Reform.

Dating Tips

Ford's in His Flivver. All's Well With The World.

The Australian reports: "Found: Genes That Make Kids Smart."

The researchers believe their work could eventually lead to genetic tests to predict babies' academic potential.

"This kind of research could help us develop genetic tests to predict which kids are at risk of developing problems with their schooling, so that we could intervene to help them," said Robert Plomin, professor of behavioural genetics at the Institute of Psychiatry at King's College London, who will describe his work today at a meeting of the Royal Society.

"Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because they're so frightfully clever. I'm awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I don't work so hard. And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don't want to play with Delta children. And Epsilons are still worse. They're too stupid to be able to read or write. Besides they wear black, which is such a beastly color. I'm so glad I'm a Beta."   - Aldous Huxley, "Brave New World", Ch. 2

Because Nobody Doesn't Like Cheeseburgers

Twilight . . . with cheeseburgers.

The Universe is Coming For You

Timelapse Montage from Mike Flores on Vimeo.

In HD it's huge, and will take forever to load. Nevertheless, we recommend full-screen HD, with the volume turned up to 11.

You are so very, very tiny.

So You Don't Have To, That's Why

Inge Schrimps paddles her hollow pumpkin across Ludwigsburg Castle lake on Sunday

What, you've never heard of the Ludwigsburg Pumpkin Festival?

What Are We Missing Here?

Headline from the Chicago Sun-Times: "New memorial signs to mark deaths caused by distracted drivers in 2011."

So. To mark locations where folks have died as a consequence of drivers being distracted, a bunch of new signs are to be erected. All right, then.

Daily Facial: Unclogs Pores, Removes Dust, Dirt & Radioactivity!

Lawnchairs: Is There Anything They Can't Do?

Trekkies. Zombies. Inevitable.

Catholic Rioters Kill Dozens, Injure Hundreds

Tens of thousands of Roman Catholics took to the streets around the world yesterday to protest a commercial depiction of a pregnant nun. The print advertisement by Antonio Federici, an upscale gelato manufacturer, features a young sister, great with child, enjoying the company's product. The poster -- which the company plans to display along the route to be taken by Pope Benedict in his upcoming visit to Great Britain -- also includes the text "Immaculately Conceived."

In London, a large unruly crowd gathered in front of Lambeth Palace before marching up Lambeth Road and across the Westminster Bridge to Parliament. Once there, the group became increasingly violent, repeatedly chanting "Ave Maria." Scotland Yard could not immediately determine the meaning of the phrase, but said it appears to be Latin. The mob finally dispersed after burning effigies of Oliver Cromwell and someone they identified as "Rowan Williams."

Rioting also broke out in the scattered enclaves of extremist Roman Catholics in the United States. In Arlington, Virginia, a large group of young women set out to stage a sit-in at a Protestant Church. Despite attempting to gain entry to Methodist, Presbyterian, Anglican, and Baptist church buildings, they were thwarted when they discovered that all were closed, locked, and empty, this being a weekday. "We were expecting violence from these girls," said Captain Frank Lovejoy of the Arlington County police, "They were all wearing those lacy head-scarves, which is a sure sign that you're dealing with an extreme splinter-group."

An editorial in the mainstream "National Catholic Reporter" condemned the protests, which it attributed to a "small group of superstitious, reactionary Papists" in no way reflecting the views of "a majority of American Catholics." The editorial went on to suggest that this Sunday be declared a "special day of tolerance" and urged all Catholics to express their solidarity by eating a bowl of ice cream.

More HERE.

You Should Have Seen the Atlantic Ocean in Those Days

My Grandparents were marked by The Great Depression, and my parents by the Second World War. With equal indelibility, your humble and obedient servant was marked by . . . television. Having been there at the beginning, my memory stretches back even unto the 1950s. And it recently occurred to me that there is presently no television show on the air that sports a distinctive, iconic opening theme. Even shows whose opening credits you might recognize (like House) ruin the whole thing by putting several minutes of the actual show BEFORE the credits. And even then, there's not a theme, just a bunch of music. There's no beat, you can't dance to it, and it doesn't get stuck in your head.

Back in the day, the purpose of the opening theme and credits was to alert everyone that the show they'd been waiting for all week was about to start. The theme was like an advertising jingle, locked into your subconscious, and forever associated with that show. While no longer the case, it was said of at least two generations that the definition of a serious person was one who could listen to the opening bars of the William Tell Overture without thinking of The Lone Ranger.

Herewith, our list of the 10 Greatest Television Opening Themes of all time.

Perry Mason was why I became a lawyer. He always knew more than everyone else, he always won, and Della Street obviously had a hopeless crush on him. Please also note that the papers Perry dramatically shows to his colleagues and the hapless prosecutor, Hamilton Burger, are blank. I mean, how much cooler can a lawyer be than to confound the bad guys with blank paper!

"Alfred Hitchcock Presents" sported perhaps the shortest introductory theme, but then Hitchcock's own introductory comments were an indispensable part of the opening, as were the ominous violins and drum as the episode itself began to roll. The caricature at the beginning was drawn by Hitchcock, and it was not difficult to imagine that he himself had a closet filled with body parts.

Gleason being Gleason gave himself the most lines and air time, but we all know that Norton (Art Carney) was the real star. One interesting aspect of "The Honeymooners" is that Ralph and Alice lived in a tiny city apartment, while the families in other (slightly later) situation comedies all lived in big suburban houses. The dads in those shows also always worked in (generic) offices, and wore suits. Ralph drove a bus, and Norton worked in the sewer. No one watched "The Honeymooners" and became frustrated with their own apparent lack of upward mobility.

Do I really have to say anything?

"Dragnet" had been a very successful radio drama, and the opening was carried over. Sure, it's not a theme as such, but those four notes mean "Dragnet." This was an iconic show in many ways, and gave us "Just the facts, ma'm," and "The names have been changed to protect the innocent."

Is there anyone on earth who doesn't know that whistled theme? I've often heard this show criticized as presenting a middle-American fantasy-land that never was. Well, of course that's true, just as it is true of Norman Rockwell's work. This is a simple, idealized version of what the lives of regular people should be like. A friend opines that one can learn everything necessary to lead a righteous life by watching this show.

Are these the coolest guys ever, or what? Finger-snapping, horns, cigarettes, it's got everything. Where do you think Don Draper learned to dress? And we all know that Henry Winkler's "The Fonz" was a Kookie wannabe. The writers were perhaps on (then legal) LSD when they wrote Kookie's dialogue, which was always liberally sprinkled with "Daddy-O."

If skinny-tie city cool wasn't your thing, then Cowboy Cool might be for you. The show featured a young Clint Eastwood, the theme was sung by Frankie Lane, and even Elwood and Jake know the song.

We don't know if this theme will be used for the revival TV series, but without it what's left? Who can possibly be as wooden and pompous as Jack Lord, and who more of a suck-up than Helen Hayes' little boy, Danno? "Hawaii Five-0" brings us into the '70s, but one can't help but notice that the governor, McGarrett and Danno are all haoles.

There's no denying that the theme of M.A.S.H. is iconic, and the show itself certainly expressed the pervasive mood of anti-military ennui that drenched post-Vietnam America. 'Nuf said. What we've always wanted to know is the identity of the adorable dark-haired woman running toward the helicopter at about :23. We remain deeply in love with her.

Gabe Kaplan turned out to be a no-talent bum when he wasn't Mr. Kotter, but the theme was by John Sebastian, and the show was "with John Travolta as Barbarino."

Our list now brings us to the 1980s, the last time a television show had a truly great opening theme. We're sorry, but the last 20 years has been a barren wasteland, and so we end with the greatest opening credits of all time:

_______________________________________
For the culturally impaired, who fail to understand the title of this post, see HERE at 1:17.

In Search of . . . People of Color

Watch the whole thing.

Hormonal Middle-Aged Woman

Great. Just what we needed, a new blog titled "Hormonal Middle-Aged Woman."

Don't we already have enough of those?

An Open Letter to the Republican National Committee

New Dating Breakthrough

Researchers translate thoughts into speech.

When the Koran is Burned

. . . all that is left behind is ashes.

It Will be Over When We Win

Friday is the New Caturday

What happens when you turn 100 cats loose in a big IKEA store? Good question. We have the answer.

As it turns out, the actual 60-second spot ultimately produced pretty much sucks.

Chris Christie for President

Book Recommendations: Preparing for the Apocalypse

Blogger to Burn Copies of National Catholic Reporter

Unless you've been living in a cave (not a bad idea, actually), you've by now heard about Reverend Terry Jones, and his plans to burn copies of the Quran tomorrow, September 11. Jones is pastor of the "Dove World Outreach Center," described as "nondenominational." ["Nondenominational" means one step closer to the eschatological ideal of everyone having their own, personal church. But we digress.] This has led to the usual caterwauling that to do so is "insensitive," and will lead to unrest amongst Mohammedans with way too much time on their hands, and might well cause "reprisals." We presume that "reprisals" means the public burning of all existing copies of "The Mighty Thor," but we can't be sure.

Brother Jones is also apparently the author of a book, "Islam is of the Devil," so there's very little confusion about his views. It's worth noting that the book is presently out of stock at Amazon, where it's ranked number 3,832 in the bestsellers list. And, oh yes, did we mention that it was published only a few weeks ago? Ehem.

We here at Glib & Superficial have been at a loss as to how we feel about all this. On the one hand, this is still America, where every citizen enjoys the right to be an asshole. On the other hand, we're well-nigh hard-wired to loath the notion of burning any book. On the third hand, it's terrifically entertaining to watch the same crowd that thinks burning the flag is a God-given right, getting their thongs all in a bunch over this. On the other hand, basic decency and love for one's neighbor counsels that we ought not go out of our way just to irritate people. But on the other hand, it's interesting that no one thinks that were we to burn a dozen copies of the Old Testament, angry mobs of yeshiva students would take to the streets.

But the answer has been provided by the good folk at Acts of the Apostasy:

(AoftheAP) A little-known central Kansas Catholic blogger has announced that he will burn a copy of the National Catholic Reporter on his front lawn on Monday September 13, the Memorial of St John Chrysostom.

Renfrew Dachs, who blogs at 'Orthodachs Review', announced on Labor Day his intention to set fire to the most recent issue of the left-leaning paper. As he wrote on his blog:

"It is time to expose this publication for what it is. It is a heterodox publication that is trying to masquerade as a Catholic publication, seeking to deceive many within the Church."

Dachs' blog and Facebook page, which combined boasts all of 50 followers, has been inundated with hits and friend requests since his statement. He says that the split between supporters and detractors is fairly even.

"I've had people tell me they're coming to attend the burning. A bunch have mailed me copies of the National Catholic Reporter, along with some back issues of Commonweal and America, so I expect a pretty large fire Monday. I've also received a number of nasty emails, too. They're not death threats - pretty much just folks telling me to stop being judgmental, or that I'll harm the environment by increasing my carbon footprint, with all that smoke and stuff."

Dachs said he chose the memorial of St John Chrysostom for this event because the revered Doctor of the Church, whose name means 'Golden Mouth', defended Church teachings throughout his life. "The stuff the NCR publishes, on the total opposite spectrum of what he taught, of what the Church teaches," Dachs said. "Reiki, women priests, gay marriage? I think St John would get in their grill over those positions, so I thought it kinda appropriate."

Dachs' intended action has drawn its fair share of criticism. The editorial staff at the NCR published a scathing column, which said in part: "It is regrettable that a blogger in central Kansas, with a blog with fewer than 50 followers, can make this outrageous and distrustful, disgraceful plan and get the world's attention, and yet we can't even get a link to the Huffington Post."

In the Diocese of Rochester (NY), the plan has sparked outrage.

"It is the duty of Catholycs to react," said Sr Joan Sobala, Pastoral Leader of Our Lady of Lourdes, St. Anne Cluster. "When our holy paper NCR gets burned in public, then there is nothing left. If this happens, I think the first and most important reaction will be that wherever orthodox Catholics are seen, they will be shunned. I mean, we've already done a fair job of that here, but there's more that can, and should, be done."

In addition, groups such as Call-to-Action, Catholics United, Catholics for Choice and the LCWR have all condemned the action.

The LCWR released the following statement: "The Vatican ought to do an Apostolic Visitation on this guy, and see how he likes it. His intolerance and bigotry cannot go unchallenged. It's sad that even in these modern times, a 'rad Trad', Latin-spewing, mantilla-hustling, incense-sniffing bigot can't be tolerant and loving like us."

Fearing the burning could spark additional pro-orthodox Catholic sentiment, Call-to-Action ordered their members around the world to renew their subscriptions to the National Catholic Reporter. The move came a day after Jim FitzGerald, CTA Executive Director spoke with Chris Korzen, director of Catholics United about the matter.

"We both agreed that burning a copy of the NCReporter would undermine our efforts in the US, by bringing attention to our false theology and lack of fidelity to the institutional Church. We recognize that he is "following his conscience", but everyone knows that only counts when you dissent from what the Church says."

Members of the regional chapter of CTA, called Northeast Kansas Catholics for Renewal, plan on assembling across the street from Dachs' house to read aloud portions of the National Catholic Reporter during the burning. They will be joined by two womynpreests who will attempt to perform an exorcism.

Dachs is unfazed by their counter protest. "I plan on blaring Gregorian chant from my pick-up truck stereo," he said. "I won't even hear 'em."

The USCCB has also issued a statement: "We would hope that Renfrew Dachs and his supporters will consider the ramifications of their planned NCR-burning event," they wrote. "The paper's not all bad - John Allen is a fair reporter, and he deserves better."

Even House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has chimed in with her wisdom. "As an ardent and devout Catholic, I find this plan highly offensive. We all know that the NCReporter is full of words, and my favorite word is the Word. So you can see how important this is."

There has been some speculation that Dachs' plan may negatively impact the Holy Father's upcoming trip to the United Kingdom. Vatican spokesman Fr Lombardi, when asked for Pope Benedict's thoughts on the issue, shrugged his shoulders and asked "What's the National Catholic Reporter?"

Dachs remains undeterred. "I've got the Constitution on my side. I have my First Amendment right to free speech. I'm not convinced that backing down is the right thing to do."

Barring a last minute change of heart, there will be a different sort of "heretic burning" in Kansas on Monday. What remains to be seen, is what will rise out of the ashes come Tuesday.

Bible Burning

That's what this headline means, right? Right?

FBI Says Retaliation for Koran Burning 'Likely'

Whatever Happened to the "Anti-War" Movement?

A good question.

A good answer:

. . . the antiwar movement is faltering because it was never an antiwar movement to begin with. It was an anti-Bush, anti-Republican movement, and now that neither of those entities is running things right now it is no longer necessary to keep it going.

Humans Applauded for Aping Teacher

Apes dissed for seeing through teacher's bullshit.

We're doomed.

Am I missing something here? The children perform no problem-solving whatsoever. They simply do what the teacher says, even if it might dawn on some of them that much of what she's taught them to do is pointless. The apes -- unconcerned about bad report cards, detention, or pissing off the teachers union -- ignore the teacher's nonsense, solve the problem, and get paid. In fact, they solve the problem more efficiently, and produce the desired result more quickly. That is, their productivity is considerably higher than that of the humans.

Of course, one can see examples of the same phenomenon in real life.

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

This morning, at about ten minutes until 6:00 (EDT), a rock passed earth within the orbit of the moon. It was between 32 and 65 feet in diameter.

This afternoon, at about a quarter past 5:00 (EDT), a second rock will pass even closer, missing earth by just under 50,000 miles. It's between 20 and 46 feet in diameter.

No one on earth saw either object until last Sunday morning.

Have a nice day.

More HERE.

Beer? Check. RC Car? Check. Super Mario? Check . . . er . . . WHAT?!

Hat tip to Some Guy from Hanover.

Back at Work, Eh?

Then you'll not want to waste any time with THIS.

60 Years of Progress

General Motors, Dinah Shore, 1952:

Government Motors, 2010 (Los Angeles Auto Show):

(Best comment at YouTube: "My tax dollars at work. They could at least be topless.")

Shamelessly purloined from IowaHawk.

NOW They Tell Us?

Paul Krugman & Tom Friedman agree that Barack Obama has no vision, has not done the job he was elected to do, and communicates worse than any President since Friedman came to Washington (1989 - that would have been George Herbert Walker Bush).

We don't think they mean it.  We think they're just polishing their "independent journalist" credentials for 2012, so they can feel free to call the Republican nominee a racist homophobic anti-woman Nazi.

Beer . . . the Wonder Drug

Strep, pneumonia, cholera, syphilis, chlamydia, typhus, Q Fever, wow!

Summer's Over

Our First Labor Day Casualty

Labor Day

Whiskey - Tango - Foxtrot

Only $10; cheap at twice the price.

"Because There's NOTHING More Important Than . . . the Modern World"

The Revolt of the Bourgeois

Rich Lowry, at National Review Online, gets it exactly right:

The much-analyzed speeches at the Glenn Beck Lincoln Memorial rally weren’t as notable as what the estimated 300,000 attendees did: follow instructions, listen quietly to hours of speeches, and throw out their trash.

Just as stunning as the tableaux of the massive throngs lining the reflecting pool were the images of the spotless grounds afterward. If someone had told attendees they were expected to mow the grass before they left, surely some of them would have hitched flatbed trailers to their vehicles for the trip to Washington and gladly brought mowers along with them.

This was the revolt of the bourgeois, of the responsible, of the orderly, of people profoundly at peace with the traditional mores of American society. The spark that lit the tea-party movement was the rant by CNBC commentator Rick Santelli, who inveighed in early 2009 against an Obama-administration program to subsidize “the losers’ mortgages.” He was speaking for people who hadn’t borrowed beyond their means or tried to get rich quick by flipping houses, for the people who, in their thrift and enterprise, “carry the water instead of drink the water.”

Just the Facts, Ma'm

Illegal Aliens Crossing Borders Into Canada From The USA

This has been making the rounds for several years now, without substantial change. Here it is from June, 2006, from October, 2008, and from mid-August of this year. It's now been updated to include a reference to Tea Partiers, Glenn Beck, and Barack Hussein Obama, and to delete references to President Bush. It is always attributed to the "Manitoba Herald," an actual newspaper published daily from January 11, 1877 until August 2, 1877.

The Manitoba Herald as Reported by Clive Runnels August 12, 2010

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said. The Herald will be interested to see if Obama can actually raise Mary from the dead in time for the concert!

Study Shows Bias in Standardized Tests

In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?

Whiskey - Tango - Foxtrot

Obvious

CNNHealth reports:

Women who have gene mutations that increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer can substantially reduce their chances of developing -- and dying from -- those cancers if they have their breasts or ovaries removed preemptively, according to a new study.

A similar study, with respect to brain cancer, is expected to report similar results.

Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts

Steampunk + Transformers = Steampunk Prime.

Out of my Way, You Maori Bastard!

Today's story from our "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?" staff involves Lisa Marie Thompson, who lives in Upper Hutt, New Zealand. Ms. Hutt wanted to do something to publicly express her devotion to her boyfriend, so she decided to get vanity license plates for her car. "I HEART ANDREW" wouldn't fit. She could have gone with "ANDREW" or "ANDY," but decided instead to keep it simple, and so ordered plates with the first initial and last name of her beloved, Andrew Ryan.

What could possibly go wrong?

A Practical, Useful, Do-it-Yourself Project

You're welcome:

When these main ingredients of tetradotoxin, datura, an hallucinogen of varying strength, and local plants of varying properties are crushed and combined with ground glass, the effect is devastating. The ground glass serves as an irritant which allows quicker absorption, not that is truly needed. The ritual of making Zombie Powder varies by Priest/Priestess and location. Common threads however are that it is generally said the powder must be made at night and in a place of the dead such as a graveyard. Prayers are repeated, chants echoed, and in some cases the conjuring of spirits. It is all a nice touch for stories but really unnecessary.