Better Living Through Electronics

This week's feature story about cell phone culture is HERE at cnn.com. It's the usual stuff about rude people talking loudly on their telephones in class, in elevators, at movies, in hallways, and so on and so on. All such cell phone obnoxia has one thing in common: the rest of us are offended because we simply don't care what the yammering moron is saying, and he's interrupting whatever we're doing. In an enclosed space, those of us properly brought up are further disturbed by the fact that we were taught not to eavesdrop, and this lout is making avoidance impossible.

But widespread use of smaller and smaller phones has other effects, as well.

I recall the first time I saw an apparently well-dressed fellow standing on a corner, talking to the air (which seemed entirely unresponsive), complete with complementary hand gestures directed to no one in particular. Once upon a time a such a two-way conversation taking place without evidence of the second participant was taken as evidence of mental incapacity. I finally spotted the button in his ear, with the cord and dangling microphone.

"Wow," I thought, "Does that guy know he looks like a lunatic?" Only later did I grasp that NO, he knew he looked like one of the Masters of the Universe, always connected, his words always irreplaceable.

But it hasn't been that long ago that I waltzed unsuspecting into the public restroom at my office building. Vaguely noticing that the only other occupant was in the third stall, I proceeded about the tasks at hand. But I began to hear a soft, almost inaudible conversation coming from that third stall. Then it got a little louder. "Oh yeah," the voice said. "That's great. No, really, it's just fine."

The only thought that popped into my head was "Good God! I hope he's at least in there with a WOMAN!"

It took me a moment to realize that the moron was having a conversation -- eventually obviously with his wife or girlfriend -- while performing one of the basic bodily functions for which rest rooms were originally designed. And doing so enthusiastically, and with great energy, positive result, and full sound effects.

Now that I think about it, it must have been his wife.





[The image is of an ink drawing titled "Assholes on Cell Phones #1" by Marc Dennis.]