"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."

                --Archilochus

Glenn Reynolds:
"Heh."

Barack Obama:
"Impossible to transcend."

Albert A. Gore, Jr.:
"An incontinent brute."

Rev. Jeremiah Wright:
"God damn the Gentleman Farmer."

Friends of GF's Sons:
"Is that really your dad?"

Kickball Girl:
"Keeping 'em alive until 7:45."

Hired Hand:
"I think . . . we forgot the pheasant."




I'm an
Alcoholic Yeti
in the
TTLB Ecosystem



Monday, April 09, 2007

G & S Hates Cyclists

We really do. They seem to think that they're a superior life form, subject to the rules applicable to pedestrians (if they want) or to vehicles (if they want) or to ambulances (if they want). As soon as I'm diagnosed with an incurable, terminal illness I plan to begin plinking them with a .45.

The Hired Hand, weary of hearing these views, sends along this video:

Labels:

Comments on "G & S Hates Cyclists"

 

Blogger Faithful Sherpa said ... (7:31 PM) : 

I'm having a little trouble putting together coherent sentences right now. It would seem that there is a limit to how angry I can be and still think in words, rather than just violent images.

Imagine that you wake up tomorrow morning, and are no longer welcome on the road in your car. Larger vehicles feel the right to cut you off, run you off the road, rear-end you and drive away, or unload the detritus of their McDonalds breakfast directly on you.

Seeking to get away from this inhospitable environment, you take to the sidewalks. Now you feel the wrath of cell phone and umbrella wielding pedestrians. Your greater speed and reduced manuverability represent serious hazards among the zig-zagging bipeds. What would you do? Being a smart guy, you'd probably get back on the road and make a big obvious nuisance of yourself, just to keep from getting run over.

Odds are that you don't actually know what the laws are for cyclists in your particular city. But from what I know of you, you're a little bit better informed than the average citizen, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll assume that you know that cyclists are forbidden to ride on sidewalks in most major cities. I'll assume that you're aware that my place on the road is right next to yours, and you really don't mind meek law abiding cyclists who sit quietly on the far side of the right hand lane getting plowed into parked cars and having taxi doors thrown open in their path.

I can then imagine three reasons for your hatred of cyclists:

1) A genuine respect for traffic laws.

2) The genuine inconvenience caused to you by cyclists.

3) Jealousy.

Now, as for number one- I don't buy it. When drivers begin following speed limits other than those applied to jumbo jets, this argument will hold a little more water.

Number two- Silly. I'll be out of your way before you realize it. If you drive as though I'm not even there, I'm genuinely faster than you are in traffic. Which brings us to:

Number three- Eat my shorts. You're stuck. You're racing me to that red light because you know you have nothing better to look forward to in the next half hour than an Interstate parking lot. You're angry that you're spending $3 a gallon on gas, and still going nowhere fast. It chafes your taint that your $50,000 car is just a big wad of impotent horsepower.

I'm on the road for 9 hours a day. I spend at least 55 hours a week dealing with you, or the likes of you. As a result, I have trouble feeling sorry for the guy borrows my roads for a few minutes every evening, and resents my very presence.

You jest (I assume) about violence towards cyclists. I've been spat on, I've been intentionally doored, I've been shoved, I've even been maced. The joke isn't funny to me, but it also isn't scary. It reveals a playground bully brand of weakness. It makes you seem like one of those guys who drives his big pickup as some sort of overcompensating penis-surrogate. Way to go, GF. You're a real big man.

 

Anonymous Arlington said ... (8:36 AM) : 

Ooo! Somebody's been told!

 

Blogger Faithful Sherpa said ... (5:50 PM) : 

Well, while I stand by the more substantive of my statements, I feel it necessary to note that the GF is in fact A Good Guy, and worthy of far more respect than I paid him.

 

post a comment