Redistributing Touchdowns

The other day, Dear Leader sought to correct the misunderstanding of his proposed tax plan by the petty bourgeois:

Plumber to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?”

Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”

Of course, the poor working fellow is a simple, unsophisticated man -- to him, paying more in taxes is, well, paying more in taxes. He thinks paying taxes is a duty; his consciousness having yet to be raised to the point it accepts scientific socialism, he simply is unable to grasp that paying taxes is patriotic -- paying more taxes is more patriotic. Sort of like prayer: some is good, more is better.

Last Friday, Estero (Florida) High School lost its game with Naples High School by the score of 91-0:

ESTERO — The Estero High football staff gathered in head coach Rich Dombroski's office late Friday, almost in stunned silence.

Earlier that night, Estero lost to Naples High by 13.

Not by 13 points. By 13 touchdowns. That's right: Naples 91, Estero 0.

The rout fallout has been growing since the game ended.

"Hey," offered Estero defensive line coach Pat Hayes after the one-sided affair, "I didn't even know 91 was a multiple of seven."

Now it's plain that the kids on the losing side of this debacle are not very good at football. So most ordinary people would conclude that they have two choices: get good, or quit.

But our New England correspondent, writing from behind enemy lines in darkest Massachusetts, believes this is an idea whose time has come:

I think it would have been more "patriotic" if Naples had given Estero, say, 50%-60% of its points over 25. The same is true of the gaudy statistics accumulated by the Naples offensive players. A significant number of their points scored, yards gained rushing, yards passing, etc., should be "transferred" from the record books and "given" to the corresponding players on the Estero team. What we need in high school football, and elsewhere in our society, is more "spreading of the wealth." It's only fair.

And, while we're at it, I'd like to offer up a few more patriotic suggestions for spreading the wealth around:

SAT, LSAT, GRE exam scores and high school, college and professional school GPAs - there's no reason only the smart kids or those who simply worked hard should keep their high scores. It wouldn't be patriotic or fair.

And lastly, I'd like to suggest that the presidential candidate who accumulates the most electoral votes give those votes to the other candidate. It would be the patriotic thing to do.

This is absurd hyperbole, of course. No serious person would suggest, for example, that a prudent family living in a house they have worked diligently to pay for should have some part of their modest wealth confiscated by the Government and transferred to the dolt who bought a house he couldn't possibly afford, that wasn't worth what he pretended to pay. Or that small banks, which stuck to the boring business of accepting deposits and making 30-year fixed-rate loans to folks who could put down 20%, should be required to pony up to compensate the clever fellows at the big, sophisticated banks who paid themselves well while losing billions of other people's dollars.

Oh, wait.