Tuesday, January 20, 12:01 p.m.

Shortly after noon on January 20, three young men wearing vintage Robert Hall suits, white shirts, narrow ties and wingtips arrived to interview your humble and obedient servant. Only one spoke, and he looked somewhat familiar.

"Do you know why I pulled you over today sir?"
"Do you know why we're here today, sir?"

"No," I said, though I knew very well why they were here.

"Supr . . that is, 'President Obama' has signed an Executive Order reinstating the Fairness Doctrine, and extending it to all electronic communications."

"I didn't know that," I responded, lying.

"Electrons Belong to the People," he intoned and, as he said it, all three snapped to attention, and gave a sort of salute. Their lapels glinted with reflected light, the polyester suffering from too many clumsy ironings.

"We're here to take you into custody, for your own good. You have been guilty of publishing material injurious to the mood and contentment of the American People." he said, reaching into his jacket pocket.

"Don't tase me, Bro!" I shrieked, but it was too late.

I woke up in a reeducation camp in Venezuela. I will save you, my friends, from a full description of the weeks of brainwashing, torture, indoctrination and penmanship lessons. Perhaps the worst episode involved my being required to watch films of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank and other New Dawn leaders.

I shiver even now. But eventually I escaped, and found that a sort of Underground Railroad, manned mostly by Catholic priests, had been established. And so I made my way, from church to church, to my present location. You may wonder where I am, but will understand that security prevents me from revealing it. Given the cultural ignorance of the New Dawn regime, I feel free to give a hint: Wolfman Jack. I have tapped into the Internet in much the same way as The Wolfman operated in the glory days of pirate radio.

The major banks have been nationalized, the American auto industry is not far behind. Now, a "stimulus bill" is about to be passed and presented to the Maximum Leader for his imprimatur. Fortunately, some dissenters have yet to be silenced.

We're back. Bowed but unbroken. Buy gold. Stockpile water, spam, Vienna sausages, and those little butter cookies.

Never surrender.

Peace Out!