"It was a dark and stormy night . . . ."

And we have a winner of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, Sue Fondrie, an associate professor at the University of Wisconsin - Oshkosh:

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

Oh, my. The Bulwer-Lytton contest challenges entrants to compose horrid opening sentences of imaginary novels, and takes its name from the 19th century novelist who famously began "Paul Clifford," with the immortal words, "It was a dark and stormy night."

The first link above will take you to the complete list of category winners, dishonorable mentions and so forth. We confess a fondness for the winner in the "Romance" category:

As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand—who would take her away from all this—and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.