Fantasy Drafts

We're not talking about a military draft, of the sort that snagged The King, nor are we talking about drafts of players for professional sports, nor even are we talking about that odd pass-time of the middle-aged wannabe, the fantasy football/rotisserie baseball sort of draft.

We're talking instead about turn-based selection of candy bars, states, wars or Beatles songs performed by a truly bizarre (not to say grotesque) claque of eight young people who, much like the rich, are different from you and me. In this case they're way smarter and they're way more clever. Individually and in small groups they are merely intimidating and overwhelming. When they are running in full pack mode it is best for the more-or-less innocent bystander to respectfully inquire how he may be of service, to promptly satisfy the need, and to thereupon repair to an undisclosed safe location (the Fortress of Solitude would do nicely).

These boys and girls have set up FANTASY DRAFTS. While the round-by-round posting of specific selections is interesting enough, the post-draft commentary is truly priceless. Analyzing one set of picks in the Beatles draft went like this:

Chris betrayed his normal affinity for counterculture by selecting the most #1 hits of any participant: a whopping EIGHT of his fourteen choices hit the top of the charts in Britain or America. It wasn’t necessarily a bad idea: the team kicks it off strong with “I Saw Her Standing There,” and follows it with two very good (although similar) songs in “She Loves You” and “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Chris’s draft then sends us on a rollercoaster ride that manages to be depressing, uplifting, nostalgic, amorous, and psychedelic all at once: from “Revolution” through “Magical Mystery Tour,” it’s hard to find fault with the heart of the order. His selection of three straight #1’s to close the draft gave him bang for his buck, but neglected some of the Beatles’ best work. Indeed, the White Album, Sgt. Pepper’s, and Abbey Road are entirely overlooked – and NO George Harrison songs make an appearance. Overall grade: B. George is dead now, Chris, and there’s no way you can make it up to him.

And there's much more in this vein.

Go take a look, be careful what you say (lest you become the object of their attentions) and, if you're very, very nice, and very, very lucky (and if you can get their attention), they just might take your suggestion, and do a draft of geologic features or brands of bourbon.

But they'll probably just make fun of you.