"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."


Glenn Reynolds:

Barack Obama:
"Impossible to transcend."

Albert A. Gore, Jr.:
"An incontinent brute."

Rev. Jeremiah Wright:
"God damn the Gentleman Farmer."

Friends of GF's Sons:
"Is that really your dad?"

Kickball Girl:
"Keeping 'em alive until 7:45."

Hired Hand:
"I think . . . we forgot the pheasant."

I'm an
Alcoholic Yeti
in the
TTLB Ecosystem

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Polar Bear Paid to Look Dead!

Bear: It was a beautiful sunny day. Really warm--just the way we polar bears like it. I was lying on an ice floe, catching some rays, thinking of maybe nipping out to get a baby seal for lunch, when this camera crew approached me in a boat.

ET: What did they say to you?

Bear: They asked me if I wanted to be in a movie. I said, what kind of movie? You know, cause I don't do nature programming. No money in that. They said it was some big deal Hollywood feature film, and offered me several dozen pounds of fresh salmon. I said sure, what the hell. I've always wanted to act. Especially since my cousin made it big in New York. Three shows a day at the zoo, and all the fish he can eat. Not bad. His place is nice too. A little small, maybe, but that's Manhattan for you.

ET: So what did they want you to do?

Bear: Well it began as a major part. Growling and everything. To be honest, I'm a bit disappointed that it was cut from the final movie. They opted for some bear animation instead. My agent had a lot to say about that I can tell you. And it had taken, like, days to shoot. They had me doing everything: jumping off the floe to rescue my "cub"--a real brat of an actor--and fighting other bears, you know, for survival and whatnot. But mostly what they wanted was a lot of shots of me sleeping on the floe, playing dead.

ET: You weren't really dead.

Bear: No. It's called acting.

ET: But what about that heart-wrenching photo for the movie's publicity--of a bear howling next to its mate...

Bear: That was me. Actually I was howling, "Dinner time!"

Read the whole sad story HERE.

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