Girl Guides Demand Relevance

The Times (the real one, you git) reports:

Guides [the British equivalent of Girl Scouts] are demanding sessions on how to practise safe sex and assemble flat-pack furniture to ready themselves for life in the 21st century.

They also want instruction on how to manage debts and reduce the size of their carbon footprint as they prepare to enter the adult world.

Are they telling us that flat-pack furniture is a far more important issue than we might have heretofore believed, or do they mean to say that the old in-out-in-out is pretty much as significant as acquiring an end table from IKEA?

We hesitate to inquire as to the new merit badges sought by the Islamic Girl Guides for Allah.