Complete With Realistically Bad Breast Surgery

Click on the image to enlarge from B to D:

Now available from Sears, we reproduce without correction the description of this marvelous triumph of modern science:

Girlfriend Pillow Do your wife?s business trips make you unease at bed time? Perhaps the fact that you don?t have her around to shares your dreams makes it harder for you to fall sleep. This comfortable pillow recreates the comfort of having your beloved partner. Thinking about the fact of sleeping alone produce a isolated feeling, especially if you are used to have a soft and comfortable arm or maybe you are enjoy a better sleep when you locate your neck in your girlfriend or wife's breast. This hug pillow has an extension that replicates the soft arm of your partner and also adds a breast-like sensation on the pillow, giving all the contour of your love one. Your days of uncomfortable nights are over. Whether your wife is away working or you broke up with your girlfriend, this hug pillow will maintain the comfort of your sleep. The Girlfriend Pillow imitates the contour of your loved one at your side while you sleep.

We're quite troubled by the "breasts," which we fear may be removable, presumably for ambisextrous cuddling. We'll leave the no-snoring, no-complaining jokes to you, and observe only that the thing can't call 911 after it clocks you with a lamp. But the scene we just can't get out of our fertile little minds is this: imagine the single guy who finally gets lucky (and if he's the kind of guy who's got this in his bedroom, it would require quite a bit of luck), only to have the nice young (real) girl discover THIS stuffed under the bed.

THAT Explains It!

The cause of the recent round of earthquakes is explained, according to this report in The Australian:

A SENIOR Iranian cleric has claimed that dolled-up women incite extramarital sex, causing more earthquakes in Iran, a country that straddles several fault lines, newspapers reported today.

"Many women who dress inappropriately ... cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes," Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi told worshippers at overnight prayers in Tehran.

Well, at least if you're doing it right.

We Beg to Differ

“Many people like the idea of being genderless.”

The Perfect Story

Sex.  Incest. Castration. Animal Rights. Celebrity.

What more could you ask for in a story?

Before e.Harmony . . . Before Match . . . Before Catholic Singles . . . .

. . . there was Video Mate! This is how Daddy met Mommy, kiddies.

That was 25 years ago. Now, thanks to the miracle of the Intertubes and high band width, we have Second Life, World of Warcraft, and other MMOs:

Be careful though, O My Children, just as in real life, latency can be a bitch.

Evolution on Parade

From our Department of the Obvious:

Females Use Sex to Manipulate Males

Cash & Carry

"It's shocking that men will pay so much for someone's virginity, which isn't even prized so highly anymore."

Sounds Uncomfortable

"Teen Pregnancy Linked to Sex on TV"

OOPS!

Remember this story, from last week's Time magazine, "Pregnancy Boom at Gloucester High":

As summer vacation begins, 17 girls at Gloucester High School are expecting babies—more than four times the number of pregnancies the 1,200-student school had last year. Some adults dismissed the statistic as a blip. Others blamed hit movies like Juno and Knocked Up for glamorizing young unwed mothers. But principal Joseph Sullivan knows at least part of the reason there's been such a spike in teen pregnancies in this Massachusetts fishing town. School officials started looking into the matter as early as October after an unusual number of girls began filing into the school clinic to find out if they were pregnant. By May, several students had returned multiple times to get pregnancy tests, and on hearing the results, "some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Sullivan says. All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Then the story got worse. "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," the principal says, shaking his head.

The story created a blogstorm of comment, and we confess to having been tempted to join in. But there was something about the story, despite its source in the increasingly irrelevant legacy media, that sounded fishy.

Turns out we were right. The Associated Press now reports:

GLOUCESTER, Mass. -- The Gloucester, Mass. principal who claimed that some of the 17 pregnant girls in his school had made a pact to become pregnant will not attend a meeting of city leaders on the subject.

Mayor Carolyn Kirk did not say why Principal Joseph Sullivan would not be at the meeting she called for Monday with other school, health and city leaders.

Kirk said she and the superintendent have been in close touch with the principal. She reiterated they had no independent information to back up his assertion that some of the 17 girls who became pregnant this year had planned to become pregnant and raise their babies together.

Sullivan has not returned calls for comment since a Time magazine article last week.

The moral of the story? Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.

Sex and the Sissy

Today the indispensable Peggy Noonan says something that needs to be said about Mrs. Clinton's presidential campaign. First, she sketches the careers of Golda Meir, Indira Ghandi, and Margaret Thatcher. She summarizes:

Great women, all different, but great in terms of size, of impact on the world and of struggles overcome. Struggle was not something they read about in a book. They did not use guilt to win election -- it comes up zero if you Google "Thatcher" and "You're just picking on me because I'm a woman." Instead they used the appeals men used: stronger leadership, better ideas, a superior philosophy.

You know where I'm going, for you know where she went. Hillary Clinton complained again this week that sexism has been a major dynamic in her unsuccessful bid for political dominance. She is quoted by the Washington Post's Lois Romano decrying the "sexist" treatment she received during the campaign, and the "incredible vitriol that has been engendered" by those who are "nothing but misogynists." The New York Times reported she told sympathetic bloggers in a conference call that she is saddened by the "mean-spiritedness and terrible insults" that have been thrown "at you, for supporting me, and at women in general."

Ms. Noonan observes that it is insulting, it is manipulative, it is not true, and:

It is prissy. Mrs. Clinton's supporters are now complaining about the Hillary nutcrackers sold at every airport shop. Boo hoo. If Golda Meir, a woman of not only proclaimed but actual toughness, heard about Golda nutcrackers, she would have bought them by the case and given them away as party favors.

It is sissy. It is blame-gaming, whining, a way of not taking responsibility, of not seeing your flaws and addressing them. You want to say "Girl, butch up, you are playing in the leagues, they get bruised in the leagues, they break each other's bones, they like to hit you low and hear the crack, it's like that for the boys and for the girls."

She concludes:

Meir and Gandhi and Mrs. Thatcher suffered through the political downside of their sex and made the most of the upside. Fair enough. As for this week's Clinton complaints, I imagine Mrs. Thatcher would bop her on the head with her purse. Mrs. Gandhi would say "That is no way to play it." Mrs. Meir? "They said I was the only woman in the cabinet and the only one with -- well, you know. I loved it."

Read the whole thing.

Breaking News

ABC News reports: "'Sex and the City' can't be blamed for creating a generation of sluts."

One can only hope that ABC, and other major news organizations, continue their research and eventually uncover root causes.

G&S Reads The Sun

So you don't have to. Story HERE.

G&S Likes Girls

Yes, yes, for all of the normal reasons.

[Ed. note - check with attorneys to determine if "normal" is still permissible in this context.]

For example, no guy would ever write this:

What else can you say about a woman who would show up for a breast feeding solidarity march, other than that life must be pretty damned dismal if you have to resort to digging about inside your bra to find a sense of importance.

G&S Loves Ewe

And it's about time we did something about it:

As you know homosexuality is a rare phenomenon in rural Ontario and homophobia rarely if ever becomes an issue in rural schools.

Zoophilia and bestiality on the other hand are much more common in rural Ontario and zoophobia in rural schools is a very serious problem that when not properly addressed can be as devastating as homophobia is in urban schools.

Anecdotal evidence abounds of young boys being ostracised at school after they were spotted having sex with farm animals (mostly sheep). In many cases harassment of zoophiles is so intense that it drives boys to commit suicides.

Zoophobia needs to be stopped so our youth can live productive lives without fear of discrimination based on sexual orientation.

We the Directors of Ontario Sheep Marketing Agency would like to join forces with you and offer our stock of sheep as live props for the purpose of sexual education of Ontario boys.

Our sheep will get proper sexual stimulation; Ontario boys will learn safe sex practices and learn how to obtain sexual gratification without resorting to sexual harassment of Ontario girls.

Read the whole thing.

Wanna Bet?

The Yale Daily News is reporting:

Art major Aliza Shvarts '08 wants to make a statement.

Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself "as often as possible" while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process.

The goal in creating the art exhibition, Shvarts said, was to spark conversation and debate on the relationship between art and the human body. But her project has already provoked more than just debate, inciting, for instance, outcry at a forum for fellow senior art majors held last week. And when told about Shvarts' project, students on both ends of the abortion debate have expressed shock . saying the project does everything from violate moral code to trivialize abortion.

But Shvarts insists her concept was not designed for "shock value."

Take a deep breath . . . listen carefully: It's not true.

No, we have no inside information. We're neither doctors, nor do we play cave men on TV. It's just that, over the years, we've accumulated some knowledge respecting artists, girls, undergraduates, and lunatics. At the end of the day, we'll learn that this young woman's real performance-art project was to convince as many rubes as possible that anyone -- however committed a feminist Democrat or other psychotic they might be -- would actually do such a thing.

Didn't happen. Trust us.

[UPDATE - 8:15 p.m.] The Office of Public Affairs of Yale University has issued THIS statement:

Ms. Shvarts is engaged in performance art. Her art project includes visual representations, a press release and other narrative materials. She stated to three senior Yale University officials today, including two deans, that she did not impregnate herself and that she did not induce any miscarriages. The entire project is an art piece, a creative fiction designed to draw attention to the ambiguity surrounding form and function of a woman’s body.

She is an artist and has the right to express herself through performance art.

Had these acts been real, they would have violated basic ethical standards and raised serious mental and physical health concerns.

So keep paying attention.

In Which Your Two Contributors Have An Infantile Online Discussion Regarding Nothing Important

Gentleman Farmer: Wanna take a walk with me?
Hired Hand: don't be gay.
Gentleman Farmer: That was very insensative. [sic]
Hired Hand: yes. now go.
Gentleman Farmer: I'm offended on behalf of my gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, multigendered, and not gendered compatriots.
Hired Hand: i'm impressed by your inclusiveness, and yet unconvinced.
Gentleman Farmer: I have only recently been enlightened as to the existence of the "non gendered." A colleague thinks it's like nouns, but they're neither masculine nor feminine.
Hired Hand: i'm sure you've extensively studied the difference between sex and gender.
Gentleman Farmer: I've been told that people have sex, while nouns have gender.
Hired Hand: gender being originally a grammatical notion. boy, do people have sex.
Gentleman Farmer: But it's not clear if they enjoy it. The nouns, that is.
Hired Hand: right. i'm a verbgin, myself.
Hired Hand: i practice adjstinence.
Gentleman Farmer: I'm happy for you.
Hired Hand: that's right - i refuse to be objectified. indirectly OR directly.
Gentleman Farmer: You're not making this up on the spot.
Hired Hand: i sure am.
Gentleman Farmer: Then you ought to write it all up and post it to G&S.
Hired Hand: some girl asked me to gerund her, but i wasn't ing the mood.

But Boy Can She Cook

The Times Herald-Record (think north of New York) reports from Port Jervis: "A Port Jervis woman faces felony bigamy charges for being married to four men at the same time, police say."

That Explains It

No wonder she was so damn slow getting me that beer.

Breaking News

In a (no doubt expensive) study to be published in today's edition of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Dr. Peter M. Todd, of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, concludes that, given the choice, men prefer hot women. More HERE.

We expect future research to weigh in on the wetness of water, the lightness of air, and the intelligence of geological features.

Those Wacky African Pranksters!

ADELAIDE, Australia - An Australian farmer held hostage in Mali for 12 days by a gang of men who had posed as an online love interest has urged others to be careful when seeking romance on the Internet.

Des Gregor, 56, traveled to the West African nation last month to meet his supposed bride, whom he had met on the Internet, and collect a dowry of gold bars worth $85,000.

But when he arrived, the wheat and sheep farmer was abducted by a gang of armed bandits who bound him, beat him with a machete and stole his cash and credit cards.

I know that, for me, this is a cautionary tale.