Zombie Awareness Month

The Zombie Research Society reminds us that May is Zombie Awareness Month:

Supporters of Zombie Awareness Month wear a gray ribbon to signify the undead shadows that lurk behind our modern light of day. From May 1 through May 31, Zombie Research Society Members and friends take this small step to acknowledge the coming danger.

It's easy to become complacent and ignore the impending zombie apocalypse, just as prior generations dismissed the scourge of pet rocks, chia pets, and little yappy dogs as fashion accessories for disease-ridden skanks. And it's just as easy to adopt an attitude of fatalistic inevitability: when they come to eat my brain, what can I really do? Neither of these attitudes is helpful.

Educate yourself and your family; acquire a shotgun and a limited supply of extremely loud ammunition that will run out just as your gardener's corpse begins gnawing on your daughter. Lay in an inadequate supply of wooden planks that can be criss-crossed over your windows and doors, delaying the front-yard horde until the back-yard contingent discovers your unlocked kitchen door. And remain vigilant: when your wife rolls over at 3:00 a.m., throws her leg across your hips and begins nibbling at your ear, really -- what are the chances that you're going to get lucky? She's going for your brain, man. She's going for your brain.