Misdemeanor Pea Shooting

Weaponized Pea-Shooter

Oh, my. When swirlies are outlawed, only outlaws will be . . . something or other. The latest example of public school "zero tolerance" comes to us from Spotsylvania County:

Andrew Mikel II admits it was a stupid thing to do. In December, bored and craving attention, the 14-year-old used a plastic tube to blow small plastic pellets at fellow students in Spotsylvania High School. In one lunch period, he scored three hits.

"They flinched. They looked annoyed," Mikel said.

The school district saw it as more than a childish prank. School officials expelled him for possession and use of a weapon, and they called a deputy sheriff to the scene, said Mikel and his father, Andrew Mikel Sr.

The younger Mikel, a freshman, said he was charged with three counts of misdemeanor assault.

The story includes the explanation that the boy will be "cleared of the misdemeanor criminal charges if he participates in a year-long diversion program." Which won't be of much help when he answers "no" to the employment application question, and his prospective employer nevertheless finds vestigial virtual tracks.

Everyone with their head screwed on properly can agree that this is silly. But if I were the principal of a public school these days, it's neither the normal parents nor the normally obnoxious teen boys I'd be worried about. Instead, I'd be looking over my shoulder for the hovering litigious parent whose tender snowflake got spit-balled.  In a sane world, this problem would be solved by one of the assault victims smacking Andy upside the head.  But, of course, that kid's parents have probably told him that violence never solves anything.

In other news, if you're an obnoxious teen boy in the Plymouth-Canton school district outside Detroit, and you're a Sikh, you have a religious right to carry a blade at school.  One wonders what proportion of the student body will declare themselves Sikhs before the end of term.  Perhaps the school board can set up a panel of inquisitors to sort out the real Sikhs from the fake Sikhs.