. . . the hungry eye

I don’t shop. Being male, I hunt. A trip to a retail establishment is mounted when a decision has been taken that some particular acquisition is appropriate. Need pants? Fine. Let’s go hunt for some pants, run them to ground, pounce on the bastards, sling them over our shoulders, and trudge on home.

Need Christmas gifts? Great. Google. Click. Scan. Click. Enter quantity. Click. Enter credit card number. Click. Click. Print receipt. Go watch game.

Girls, of course, shop. This leads them into absurd situations, like being present in Wal-Mart at 5:00 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving. Even, er, ummm, “introverted” girls find themselves doing this sort of thing, although it may turn out to be an educational experience:

Still, I ended up in front and saw a lot of ruckus over at the jewelry counter. No, I can't describe the ruckus. But I thought maybe that's where the stuff I was looking for was being kept, so sidled up to the counter and was handed the second to last $350 laptop computer.

I didn't want the computer. If I get a laptop, I plan on spending a little more than $350. You get what you pay for. In fact, if I saw anyone I knew getting one of those laptops, I'd refuse to take any tech-help phone calls from them. I don't care if your monitor is shooting laser beams at your eyes when you open up Microsoft Word. I'm not helping subsidize your $350 mistake.

I wandered around the store with the laptop, not wanting it. Guys were giving me the hungry eye, the kind of look I imagine hot women get. Here's a tip ladies. Carry around desired computer equipment. It rubs off.

More in this vein (what?) from Ms. Neidlinger.