"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."

                --Archilochus

Glenn Reynolds:
"Heh."

Barack Obama:
"Impossible to transcend."

Albert A. Gore, Jr.:
"An incontinent brute."

Rev. Jeremiah Wright:
"God damn the Gentleman Farmer."

Friends of GF's Sons:
"Is that really your dad?"

Kickball Girl:
"Keeping 'em alive until 7:45."

Hired Hand:
"I think . . . we forgot the pheasant."




I'm an
Alcoholic Yeti
in the
TTLB Ecosystem



Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Try Shooting Them, Dumbass

When historians seek to place a precise date on the fall of Western Civilization, this story may persuade them that it was 2006:

The problem got so bad that residents Kari Hall and Tamara Keeton even started a Raccoon Watch after having an emotional neighborhood meeting attended by about 40 people.

"It was a place for people to mourn and cry," Hall said.

At the meeting, they encouraged people to stop feeding the raccoons. They also decided to keep their pets and pet food inside. And they decided to carry pepper spray to drive off raccoons that attack again.

Keeton and Pam Corwin have decided to have "cat coops" built so their pets can go outside and have some room to roam, with protection.

It's not just cats being attacked. Five raccoons actually ganged up on and carried off a little dog, who survived.

One thing that makes these raccoons scary is they have no fear. One neighbor threw firecrackers at them to try to scare them off, and it didn't even bug them, Hall said.

"It's a new breed," Keeton said. "They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid."

"There's one really big bad dude," she added.
It's no wonder Ned Lamont won the primary in Connecticut. It's no wonder Cindy Sheehan exists. Good God, man! We're dealing with people who think that a gang of raccoons have kidnapped their dog. Do they expect a prisoner exchange? Or are they now cowering in their basements, fearful that the little furry bastards will start lobbing Katyusha rockets at their Weber grills?

SHOOT. THEM.
TRAP. THEM.
BEAT.THEM.WITH.A.NINE.IRON.

Our ancestors came here in wooden ships, some in the hold in chains, and hacked a nation out of the forest. And now we're terrorized by raccoons.

Via NRO.

Comments on "Try Shooting Them, Dumbass"

 

Blogger Wilhelm said ... (7:08 PM) : 

And this story comes from the Capital City of my fair State, no less. You can just imagine how effective these sushi-chompers are when it comes to dealing with real problems.

Wilhelm (fka the oldtimer)

 

Blogger Handsome Dan said ... (9:14 PM) : 

Upon reading Wilhelm f/k/a the oldtimer's bio, I'm left with the following observation: surely there is no one who has spent 20 years laboring in the bowels of the DOJ. We know this because we are confident the mind addles after a mere 5 or 6 years of such torture. Right, GF? Where for art thou, Bob Dornan?
Boola, boola.

 

Blogger Village Idiot said ... (9:27 PM) : 

Yeah, after 5 or 6 years at DJ, and four or five shots of bourbon, I'd need to close one eye, and use both hands, while I blew away those fucking raccoons.

 

Blogger Wilhelm said ... (10:41 PM) : 

I wasn't laboring in "the bowels of the DOJ." It was more like the pituitary gland.

 

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