We Told You So

It's a Girl!

According to NBC, the adorable Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and a self-described "hockey mom," will be the next Vice-President of the United States. As much as we like Dick Cheney, we're nevertheless looking forward to the McCain/Palin administration.

Readers of G&S knew this in May. Story HERE, our prediction HERE.

Stay tuned for further accurate political prognostication.

[UPDATE]

Here's what genuine genuineness looks like:

With Friends Like These . . . .

History Hangs in the Balance

New Tools to Combat Childhood Obesity

From Baby Bariatrics. Don't laugh: Obama's health care plan requires universal baby liposuction coverage under the slogan, "No Child's Behind Left."

This is Hardball

Comments from the divine Professor Althouse.

New Warning on Natural Resource Depletion

New Poll

New poll reveals the most important issue for most voters:

We Made This Up

Well, actually, we didn't make this up.

Reuters reports:

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama's big speech on Thursday night will be delivered from an elaborate columned stage resembling a miniature Greek temple.

[snip]

Some 80,000 supporters will see Obama appear from between plywood columns painted off-white, reminiscent of Washington's Capitol building or even the White House, to accept the party's nomination for president.

He will stride out to a raised platform to a podium that can be raised from beneath the floor.

The show should provide a striking image for the millions of Americans watching on television as Obama delivers a speech accepting the Democratic presidential nomination.

That's an understatement. Apparently accepting his party's nomination against a backdrop of red, white and blue bunting and American flags is insufficient. Of course, when you perceive yourself not as merely a candidate for President of the United States, but as the transcendent savior of mankind, mere flags are plainly inadequate.

Some militant nonconformists have imagined the scene:

Emily. Beware: This is Scary

Very scary. But can she cook? Their web site is HERE.

Must . . . . Have . . . . This

Available September 15, there are 5922 pieces. I want one. Order HERE.

We're Going to See . . .

. . . a lot of this:

And the winner is . . .

"You afraid to die?"
"I ain't afraid."
"Good, 'cause you go first."

A classic Western, with the Widow Zellweger. Sigh . . .

Drunk?

The NorthWest Florida Daily News police blotter includes this entry:

When asked to produce his driver's license, he handed the officer two different pairs of sunglasses and an empty box of condoms. Then, he gave the officer a half-full cold Fosters beer from the center console, telling him that he'd opened it earlier but hadn't drunk much of it.

Pole Dancing

G&S Loves Google Street View

Oh yes.

The Amazing Fish Pen

The worst infomercial ever. More properly, the worst product ever devised.

Don't Try This at Home

Maine State Trooper pulls over speeder. Driver freaks. Trooper remains calm. Driver calms down. Then, at about 2:30, Trooper gets his revenge, and things get really strange:

And the winner is . . .

"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.'"

As we have lately been distracted by beach volleyball and synchronized ping-pong matches, we almost missed this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Run for the last 26 years by the Department of English & Comparative Literature at San Jose State University, it solicits and rewards bad writing. As the organizers describe it:

An international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known for "The Last Days of Pompeii" (1834), which has been made into a movie three times, originating the expression "the pen is mightier than the sword," and phrases like "the great unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," Bulwer-Lytton opened his novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that the "Peanuts" beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, "It was a dark and stormy night."

Second place went to this gem:

"Hmm . . ." thought Abigail as she gazed languidly from the veranda past the bright white patio to the cerulean sea beyond, where dolphins played and seagulls sang, where splashing surf sounded like the tintinnabulation of a thousand tiny bells, where great gray whales bellowed and the sunlight sparkled off the myriad of sequins on the flyfish's bow ties, "time to get my meds checked."

Our personal favorite? The runner-up in the "Children's Literature" category:

Dorothy had reasons to be nervous: a young girl alone in a strange land, traveling with three weird, insecure males badly in need of psychiatric help; she tucked her feet under her skirt to keep the night's chill (and lewd stares) away and made sure one more time that the gun was secured in her yet-to-develop bosom.

Still True

Bob Hope, Paulette Goddard and Richard Carlson from 1940's "The Ghost Breakers":

Sometimes we wonder if Uncle Michael ever works.

On Board!