What happens when a 35-year-old man retakes the SAT?

From Deadspin:

There are many shitty things about being a grownup. You have to make money. You have to do taxes. You have to show up for your bail hearings. It's all really fucking annoying. But one of the few upsides of being an adult is that you NEVER have to take the SAT again. You never have to worry about it. You don't have to give a shit what'll happen if have to pee during the test. You don't have to look at another analogy ever again. It's not a bad tradeoff for all the other piddling crap you have to deal with. I know I was happy with the arrangement.

Life Just Isn't That Complicated

Were the '70s Great, or What?

Trust me. I was there. Don't tell me that there's anything on TV like this these days. Now there's crime lab shows, cop shows, secret agent shows. Pffft. Gimme this sort of good, old-fashioned story any time.

When We Were All Just 18

We are forces of chaos and anarchy.  Everything they say we are we are.  And we are very proud of ourselves.

Joe Cocker is 67

Talk about defying the odds, eh?  Once upon a time, we were both in our 20s.

Happy Birthday, Jersey Boy

On this day in 1937, Frankie Valli was born Francis Stephen Castelluccio in Newark.

This is your mom . . . .

This is your mom on LSD:

Background HERE.

And Don't Call Me Shirley

Rest in Peace Leslie Nielsen.

Before he was Lieutenant Frank Drebin . . . .

. . . Leslie Nielsen was a serious guy. The heroic starship captain in Forbidden Planet:

. . . and a jaunty Francis Marion in Walt Disney's Swamp Fox:

Nielsen died yesterday at age 84.

You Can't Lose It

Once upon a time, when #1 Son was still little (he's still young) one of his friends was at the house and wanted to stay for dinner. "That's fine," I said, "Go call your mom and make sure it's ok with her." Off he went to the kitchen. Five minutes later he returned to report, "I don't know how to work the telephone."

It had this rotating disk thing on it instead of handy buttons with numbers. That is to say, had the kid instead been a chimp in a lab, he'd apparently have starved to death.

This is the telephone that sits on my desk at this very moment:

It works perfectly. It's impossible to lose, it makes a great paper-weight, and the receiver is sufficiently hefty that I expect to use it in the last stages of the impending zombie apocalypse. When the power goes out it works just fine, thank you very much. It is impervious to an electromagnetic pulse attack. Having been manufactured by Western Electric during the AT&T monopoly, it was part of their "gold-plated system," and is thus well-nigh indestructible. Centuries from now it will still be in service, though probably being used by the surviving cockroaches to make dinner plans.

Like your iPhone, it tells me what time it is ((303)-499-7111). Unlike your iPhone, it won't tell me where I am or how to get where I'm going, inasmuch as these are philosophical questions best not left to Steve Jobs. It never needs charging, it is never responsible for "can you hear me now," and it has no "quick dial" feature capable of calling the wrong "Susan." No matter how drunk I am, it will send no pictures to ex-bosses or ex-girlfriends. Indeed, once fine motor control is compromised, it is incapable of drunk-dialing. There's an available app for storing often-called numbers. It has a built-in "call refusal" mode, referred to as "taking the phone off the hook." Since I can't put it in my pocket, idiots can't find me when I'm not here.

Not only is it superior in all respects to that ridiculous thing in your pocket, but even a child can make it work.

Daily Facial: Unclogs Pores, Removes Dust, Dirt & Radioactivity!

Full Frontal Nerdity

"The audience doesn't care about the art," she laughed. "They just want to see their favorite sci-fi pin-ups take their clothes off."

Article link is SFW. Associated videos amusing, what your great-grandfather would call "burlesque" and you would call any summer day at Ocean City.

OF COURSE there's the Orion slave girl!

Once Upon a Time, We Were All 18

Once upon a time, it was 1969.

Once Upon a Time in America

The "Million Dollar Quartet" of Sun Records: Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash

The age of Frank Sinatra, Glenn Miller and Tommy Dorsey was over. Regular people had radios and record players. Regular people liked and sang and listened to country music, which had a story to tell, and gospel music, filled with energy. And young people liked to dance. Fast. But what on God's Green Earth would country/gospel/dance music possibly sound like? Popular music would sound more like Country, Country music would sound more like popular music. Rockabilly? Rock & Roll? Something like that.

January 24, 1949

John Belushi would be 61 today.

January 21, 1918

Major Richard D. Winters (U.S.A., Ret.), is 92 today.

Most Stupid Toy Ever

Maybe THIS Guy Should Be President

Bad

For bad writing, bad acting, and bad special effects, you just can't beat bad Japanese science fiction movies:

Drunk?

The NorthWest Florida Daily News police blotter includes this entry:

When asked to produce his driver's license, he handed the officer two different pairs of sunglasses and an empty box of condoms. Then, he gave the officer a half-full cold Fosters beer from the center console, telling him that he'd opened it earlier but hadn't drunk much of it.

Bastille Day, 2008