All Hallows Eve

From Disney's classic of 1940, Fantasia. The church bell rings at about 5:40:

"I'm John McCain, and I Approved This Message"

Understanding the Current Crisis

Suicide of the West

Question: What's the difference between "undecided" and "don't know."

Answer: Quite a lot, actually.

News You Can Use

Real headline:

Vietnam Suspends Plan to Ban Small-chested Drivers

Wait. What?

The Chosen One Speaks

We trust that no citizen missed last night's 30-minute infomercial. Our loyal readers know that we hold no truck with Saint Barry, but when it comes to this sort of thing, we have seen the future, and it is Senator Obama. While the high point of his presentation was most certainly when he turned Perrier into Miller Lite, we think this rhetorical device was quite effective (please pardon the video quality, we used our cell phone camera):

Equal Slime

From the Lost Angeles Times, we had THIS, and now we have THAT.

Money Money Money

On Monday, you read here about St. Barry's willingness to accept online contributions without verifying that the credit card used matched the donor's name. Now, the Washington Post has caught up:

Sen. Barack Obama's presidential campaign is allowing donors to use largely untraceable prepaid credit cards that could potentially be used to evade limits on how much an individual is legally allowed to give or to mask a contributor's identity, campaign officials confirmed.

Faced with a huge influx of donations over the Internet, the campaign has also chosen not to use basic security measures to prevent potentially illegal or anonymous contributions from flowing into its accounts, aides acknowledged. Instead, the campaign is scrutinizing its books for improper donations after the money has been deposited.

[snip]

In recent weeks, questionable contributions have created headaches for Obama's accounting team as it has tried to explain why campaign finance filings have included itemized donations from individuals using fake names, such as Es Esh or Doodad Pro. Those revelations prompted conservative bloggers to further test Obama's finance vetting by giving money using the kind of prepaid cards that can be bought at a drugstore and cannot be traced to a donor.

The problem with such cards, campaign finance lawyers said, is that they make it impossible to tell whether foreign nationals, donors who have exceeded the limits, government contractors or others who are barred from giving to a federal campaign are making contributions.

[snip]

The Obama team's disclosures came in response to questions from The Washington Post about the case of Mary T. Biskup, a retired insurance manager from Manchester, Mo., who turned up on Obama's FEC reports as having donated $174,800 to the campaign. Contributors are limited to giving $2,300 for the general election.

Biskup, who had scores of Obama contributions attributed to her, said in an interview that she never donated to the candidate. "That's an error," she said. Moreover, she added, her credit card was never billed for the donations, meaning someone appropriated her name and made the contributions with another card.

When asked whether the campaign takes steps to verify whether a donor's name matches the name on the credit card used to make a payment, Obama's campaign replied in an e-mail: "Name-matching is not a standard check conducted or made available in the credit card processing industry. We believe Visa and MasterCard do not even have the ability to do this.

"Instead, the campaign does a rigorous comprehensive analysis of online contributions on the back end of the transaction to determine whether a contribution is legitimate."

Juan Proaño, whose technology firm handled online contributions for John Edwards's presidential primary campaign, and for John F. Kerry's presidential campaign and the Democratic National Committee in 2004, said it is possible to require donors' names and addresses to match those on their credit card accounts. But, he said, some campaigns are reluctant to impose that extra layer of security.

"Honestly, you want to have the least amount of hurdles in processing contributions quickly," Proaño said.

We have no doubt that all of this can be sorted out over the next six months or so.

Savior's Spokesman Smacked Silly

A couple of days ago, we posted a radio interview with the Chosen One in which he quite straightforwardly lamented the fact that redistribution of wealth was not a principle enshrined in the Constitution. Go figure.

Fox News, which some believe has more viewers than G&S has readers, also aired the tape. One might think that any campaign would be pleased that the words of its candidate had been broadcast without cost. Nope. Since The One's words in the interview are clear, and since it's plain that the speaker is indeed That One, and as those words can't be explained away, what's a brother to do?

This:

Saint Barry's Blacklist Burgeons

A Transcendentally Big Tent

Dear Adolfe,

Thanks for joining this movement. It will take all of us working together to bring change to this country, and we wanted to make sure you know about all the opportunities to get involved in your community and online.

Check out the resources below — learn how you can connect with fellow supporters, organize in your neighborhood, build our national grassroots organization, and stay informed with the very latest campaign news.

More on the Obama's deliberately fraudulent fund-raising HERE, including links to The Chosen One's medley of hits, from Mark Steyn.

Redistributing Treats

From the ever reliable Uncle Michael.

Socialism is Not a Dirty Word

Socialism is an economic theory or system that calls for governmental or other collectivist ownership or control of the means of economic production and the distribution of the goods and services produced thereby. What goods and services are produced is determined not by private owners of property (factories, auto repair shops, hospital operating rooms, and so on) but by the Government. How those goods and services are distributed is determined not by private citizens bidding with their privately owned wealth, but by the Government. Individuals do not determine how valuable a CT scan is to them, and therefore how much of their wealth they are willing to pay for it, instead the Government decides how the limited number of CT scans available are to be distributed; who "really" needs one, based on criteria established by the Government.

It doesn't work. For two reasons: First, no central planning agency can have sufficient information to determine either the optimal level and mix of production, or the optimal distribution of goods and services. Second, it profoundly depresses both the level of production (i.e., the creation of wealth), and it stifles innovation and creativity, because it removes the incentive for individuals to produce more and new goods and services. Bureaucracy is inherently resistant to change. Creative individuals are not.

But it is my judgment that the economic damage is secondary. In a free economic system -- capitalism -- the parents of a child whose doctor deems expensive medical treatment necessary have options. If they are without the resources to pay, and if they have unwisely chosen not to have allocated part of their wealth to health insurance, they still have options: they can borrow, they can take second jobs, they can appeal to their church. But under Socialism, they have no options. The checkmark of a bureaucrat's pen next to "no" on a form precludes the treatment.

Such a system necessarily rests upon a base of force in order to ensure that the centralized, collectivist decisions are not ignored and evaded. Force is necessary to demand the surrender of wealth produced by individuals, and to make sure that that wealth is distributed in accordance with the central plan. Force: police and revenue officers armed with guns; judges with gavels; prisons with bars.

Socialism is inherently and fundamentally incompatible with even a profoundly degraded notion of individual rights and freedom. Individuals are not responsible and empowered to control their lives, the central command authority of Government does that -- makes those decisions.

Thus Socialism does not work, and requires the surrender of individual sovereignty. Because we still live in a moderately free country, you are entitled to disagree, and (against all evidence to the contrary) believe that Socialism is a good idea, and does work. You are entitled to judge that surrender of your individual autonomy is worth the benefits you imagine you will receive from the State, just as individuals in antiquity were able to sell themselves into slavery.

And I am entitled to decline to sell myself into slavery, and to do everything possible to resist it. As it happens, there is something I can do next week to resist.

Barack Obama, according to Barack Obama, is a Socialist:

Much Better Gun Control

The Second Amendment is Not About Duck Hunting

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

Suzanna Gratia Hupp gets it:

White Devils Be Crazy

The Barack Obama Variety Half-Hour

Matthew 22: 34-40

But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?"

Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."

The Impending Thugocracy

According to the Orlando Sentinel, here's what happens when a reporter asks questions not approved by The Chosen One:

Biden so disliked [WFTV-Channel 9 anchor Barbara] West's line of questioning that the Obama campaign canceled a WFTV interview with Jill Biden, the candidate's wife.

"This cancellation is non-negotiable, and further opportunities for your station to interview with this campaign are unlikely, at best for the duration of the remaining days until the election," wrote Laura K. McGinnis, Central Florida communications director for the Obama campaign.

McGinnis said the Biden cancellation was "a result of her husband's experience yesterday during the satellite interview with Barbara West."

Here's the interview in which the questioner became uppity:

Imagine how much fun it's going to be when Saint Barry has the FBI and the Federal Communications Commission on call. Not to mention the Internal Revenue Service.

Time to Retire

Thanks to the ever-cynical Old Timer.

Who the F@#k Is That Guy?

Caturday Morning

This Just In

"The man didn't know the donkey, he didn't own the donkey, he doesn't care about donkeys. It didn't make sense. It was the work of idiots," a police spokesman in Villafranca Padovana, northern Italy, said.

Full story HERE.

"Wet-Fingered Conservatives"

Must read Krauthammer.

Cures for Cancer, Common Cold, Remain Elusive

Story HERE.

Gun Safety FAQ

Here at Glib & Superficial we try always to be attentive to our mail bag, and provide useful and practical advice and guidance. Suggestions are always welcome, but we confess that our correspondence runs heavily to demands that our editors do things that seem to us anatomically unlikely.

Be that as it may, we share a recent communication.

"Dear Great and Powerful GF:

My parents have told me that I shouldn't talk on my cell phone while I'm driving. Sheesh. They must think I'm stupid! I never do that. Texting is easier. But now my dad says that I shouldn't be handling a loaded gun while I'm on the phone. Do you think he's trying to tell me that I'm some kind of idiot?

(signed) Confused Teenage Boy"

"Dear CTB: YES. GF."

Pre-Coronation Festivities Postponed

How can you tell when the Associated Press isn't lying? Whenever they run something that they've not received on Obama or DNC letterhead. Like this, contradicting the current Democrat meme, repeated endlessly by the MSM, that the election is over:

WASHINGTON (AP) - An Associated Press-GfK poll shows the presidential race tightened after the final debate, with John McCain gaining among whites and people earning less than $50,000. Two weeks before the election, McCain and Barack Obama are essentially running even among likely voters.

The poll put Obama at 44 percent and McCain at 43 percent among those voters who are considered likely to vote on Nov. 4. The survey supports what some Republicans and Democrats privately have said in recent days: that the race has narrowed as Republicans drift home to their party. McCain's "Joe the plumber" analogy also seemed to strike a chord.

The race is still volatile. Three weeks ago, an AP-GfK survey found that Obama had a seven-point lead over McCain.

And then there's THIS, and THIS.

Great Puppies

We Want One

"Dry Clean Only." I should hope so.

All Your Bucks is Belong to US

The Associated Press reported yesterday that Governor Palin had committed this astonishing gaffe caused, no doubt, by her ignorance and lack of experience:

Republican Sarah Palin told a rally of several thousand people Monday that Barack Obama would not only raise their taxes as president but also spend the money in a way that could hurt the economy. "What that means is government taking your money and spreading it out wherever politicians see fit. That's not good for the economy," she said.

For readers who might have skipped out on basic high school civics, the AP provided this reminder:

The government's job is to collect taxpayer dollars and decide how to spend them.

I know, I know -- you think we made that one up. But we didn't have to.

Further on, the piece has this nugget:

"It's really going to be a fight," said Ronda Ellis, 34, a registered nurse who noted many of her fellow nurses are bothered by Palin's opposition to abortion rights. "A lot of them feel like, as a woman, how could she oppose this?"

Indeed. The maternal instinct to eat one's young runs strong.

Don't Ask

Gun Control

. . . in Fauquier County:

Palin Comparison

Matthew 22: 15-22

Then went the Pharisees, and took counsel how they might entangle him in his talk.

And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, "Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men.

"Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?"

But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, "Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?"

"Shew me the tribute money." And they brought unto him a penny.

And he saith unto them, "Whose is this image and superscription?"

They say unto him, "Caesar's." Then saith he unto them, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's."

When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.

Caturday Morning

Blender Defender.

Location, Location, Location

"Busier Than Fast-Food Drive-Thru".

Try Not to Get Any On You

"We put blankets on 'em every night, you treat 'em like kids. It becomes almost like part of the family. Having them blown up in some ways doesn't seem right, but we know they're not going to last forever anyways, and it is something that people like to watch."

Oh my.

The Shape of Things to Come?

Marginal Revolution observes:

The Environmental Security Hypothesis says that in tough times men will prefer women who are good at production, generally older, taller, heavier, less curvaceous women with less body fat. In good times, they will prefer women who are good at reproduction, generally younger, shorter, lighter, more curvaceous women.

Of course, it just may be that beauty is in the eye of the optimist.

h/t to R2D2.

Buffetted by Bad News

In today's New York Times, Warren Buffett writes:

THE financial world is a mess, both in the United States and abroad. Its problems, moreover, have been leaking into the general economy, and the leaks are now turning into a gusher. In the near term, unemployment will rise, business activity will falter and headlines will continue to be scary.

So ... I’ve been buying American stocks. This is my personal account I’m talking about, in which I previously owned nothing but United States government bonds. (This description leaves aside my Berkshire Hathaway holdings, which are all committed to philanthropy.) If prices keep looking attractive, my non-Berkshire net worth will soon be 100 percent in United States equities.

Why?

A simple rule dictates my buying: Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful. And most certainly, fear is now widespread, gripping even seasoned investors. To be sure, investors are right to be wary of highly leveraged entities or businesses in weak competitive positions. But fears regarding the long-term prosperity of the nation’s many sound companies make no sense. These businesses will indeed suffer earnings hiccups, as they always have. But most major companies will be setting new profit records 5, 10 and 20 years from now.

Let me be clear on one point: I can’t predict the short-term movements of the stock market. I haven’t the faintest idea as to whether stocks will be higher or lower a month — or a year — from now. What is likely, however, is that the market will move higher, perhaps substantially so, well before either sentiment or the economy turns up. So if you wait for the robins, spring will be over.

[snip]

Over the long term, the stock market news will be good. In the 20th century, the United States endured two world wars and other traumatic and expensive military conflicts; the Depression; a dozen or so recessions and financial panics; oil shocks; a flu epidemic; and the resignation of a disgraced president. Yet the Dow rose from 66 to 11,497.

You might think it would have been impossible for an investor to lose money during a century marked by such an extraordinary gain. But some investors did. The hapless ones bought stocks only when they felt comfort in doing so and then proceeded to sell when the headlines made them queasy.

Today people who hold cash equivalents feel comfortable. They shouldn’t. They have opted for a terrible long-term asset, one that pays virtually nothing and is certain to depreciate in value. Indeed, the policies that government will follow in its efforts to alleviate the current crisis will probably prove inflationary and therefore accelerate declines in the real value of cash accounts.

Equities will almost certainly outperform cash over the next decade, probably by a substantial degree. Those investors who cling now to cash are betting they can efficiently time their move away from it later. In waiting for the comfort of good news, they are ignoring Wayne Gretzky’s advice: “I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.”

I don’t like to opine on the stock market, and again I emphasize that I have no idea what the market will do in the short term. Nevertheless, I’ll follow the lead of a restaurant that opened in an empty bank building and then advertised: “Put your mouth where your money was.” Today my money and my mouth both say equities.

Not The New York Times

If you think the election reporting provided by the New York Times or the Associated Press is biased, here's how al Jazeera is covering the race:

Just Kill Me Now

Mantyhose.

All Your Banks Are Belong to US!

I don't have anything to say. I just wanted to use that title.

Orgasms for Obama

This is a joke, right? I know it's in San Francisco, but it has to be a joke:

You will be guided into using breath, sound, and movement to access your erotic energy, raise its vibration, and circulate it throughout your entire body, culminating in a simultaneous group energetic breath orgasm(!). (This is a clothes-on workshop). ;-)

Redistributing Touchdowns

The other day, Dear Leader sought to correct the misunderstanding of his proposed tax plan by the petty bourgeois:

Plumber to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?”

Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”

Of course, the poor working fellow is a simple, unsophisticated man -- to him, paying more in taxes is, well, paying more in taxes. He thinks paying taxes is a duty; his consciousness having yet to be raised to the point it accepts scientific socialism, he simply is unable to grasp that paying taxes is patriotic -- paying more taxes is more patriotic. Sort of like prayer: some is good, more is better.

Last Friday, Estero (Florida) High School lost its game with Naples High School by the score of 91-0:

ESTERO — The Estero High football staff gathered in head coach Rich Dombroski's office late Friday, almost in stunned silence.

Earlier that night, Estero lost to Naples High by 13.

Not by 13 points. By 13 touchdowns. That's right: Naples 91, Estero 0.

The rout fallout has been growing since the game ended.

"Hey," offered Estero defensive line coach Pat Hayes after the one-sided affair, "I didn't even know 91 was a multiple of seven."

Now it's plain that the kids on the losing side of this debacle are not very good at football. So most ordinary people would conclude that they have two choices: get good, or quit.

But our New England correspondent, writing from behind enemy lines in darkest Massachusetts, believes this is an idea whose time has come:

I think it would have been more "patriotic" if Naples had given Estero, say, 50%-60% of its points over 25. The same is true of the gaudy statistics accumulated by the Naples offensive players. A significant number of their points scored, yards gained rushing, yards passing, etc., should be "transferred" from the record books and "given" to the corresponding players on the Estero team. What we need in high school football, and elsewhere in our society, is more "spreading of the wealth." It's only fair.

And, while we're at it, I'd like to offer up a few more patriotic suggestions for spreading the wealth around:

SAT, LSAT, GRE exam scores and high school, college and professional school GPAs - there's no reason only the smart kids or those who simply worked hard should keep their high scores. It wouldn't be patriotic or fair.

And lastly, I'd like to suggest that the presidential candidate who accumulates the most electoral votes give those votes to the other candidate. It would be the patriotic thing to do.

This is absurd hyperbole, of course. No serious person would suggest, for example, that a prudent family living in a house they have worked diligently to pay for should have some part of their modest wealth confiscated by the Government and transferred to the dolt who bought a house he couldn't possibly afford, that wasn't worth what he pretended to pay. Or that small banks, which stuck to the boring business of accepting deposits and making 30-year fixed-rate loans to folks who could put down 20%, should be required to pony up to compensate the clever fellows at the big, sophisticated banks who paid themselves well while losing billions of other people's dollars.

Oh, wait.

Law School Lessons

"Realistically, a person is dead when there has been a complete decapitation of the head." Gray v. Sawyer, 247 S.W.2d 496, 497 (Ky. 1952).

Columbus Day

Berkeley Style!

This Looks Interesting

Maybe, just maybe.

Matthew 22: 1 - 14

And Jesus answered and spake unto them again by parables, and said,

"The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son, and sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.

"Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, 'Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.' But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise: And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.

"But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.

"Then saith he to his servants, 'The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.' So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.

"And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he saith unto him, 'Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment?'

"And he was speechless.

"Then said the king to the servants, 'Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

"For many are called, but few are chosen."

The Panic of '08

Draw your own analogies. More HERE and HERE.

Time Lapse Caturday

What the Puck?

The good news: The NHL has announced that Governor Palin will drop the puck for the Philadelphia Flyers season opener.

The bad news: The NHL has announced that Governor Palin will drop the puck for the Philadelphia Flyers season opener.

Right as Always

Charles Krauthammer:

Obama’s political career was launched with Ayers giving him a fundraiser in his living room. If a Republican candidate had launched his political career at the home of an abortion-clinic bomber — even a repentant one — he would not have been able to run for dogcatcher in Podunk. And Ayers shows no remorse. His only regret is that he “didn’t do enough.”

Why are these associations important? Do I think Obama is as corrupt as Rezko? Or shares Wright’s angry racism or Ayers’ unreconstructed 1960s radicalism?

No. But that does not make these associations irrelevant. They tell us two important things about Obama.

First, his cynicism and ruthlessness. He found these men useful, and use them he did. Would you attend a church whose pastor was spreading racial animosity from the pulpit? Would you even shake hands with — let alone serve on two boards with — an unrepentant terrorist, whether he bombed U.S. military installations or abortion clinics?

Most Americans would not, on the grounds of sheer indecency. Yet Obama did, if not out of conviction then out of expediency. He was a young man on the make, an unknown outsider working his way into Chicago politics. He played the game with everyone, without qualms and with obvious success.

[snip]

Second, and even more disturbing than the cynicism, is the window these associations give on Obama’s core beliefs. He doesn’t share Rev. Wright’s poisonous views of race nor Ayers’ views, past and present, about the evil that is American society. But Obama clearly did not consider these views beyond the pale. For many years he swam easily and without protest in that fetid pond.

Until now. Today, on the threshold of the presidency, Obama concedes the odiousness of these associations, which is why he has severed them. But for the years in which he sat in Wright’s pews and shared common purpose on boards with Ayers, Obama considered them a legitimate, indeed unremarkable, part of social discourse.

How Now Down Dow?

I Keel You!

THIS should end well.

Take a Bite Out of Barry

The only way that's likely to happen, or for me to nibble Sarah's ear, is LIKE THIS.

Federal Rulz

Submitted by some Penn Law study group.

Science Tuesday

National Geographic reports the results of an important study:

A recent experiment found that chimps know other chimps by their rear ends.

Shown photos of their chimp acquaintances' rears, the chimps were able to match them with the right faces.

[snip]

The study appeared recently in the journal Advanced Science Letters.

[snip]

One primatologist says chimps can tell each other apart because their butts are uniquely shaped.

Such fundamental research may shake the Theory of Evolution to its bottom. If we are indeed descended from primate forebears (or even foremonkeys), one might expect human beings to exhibit this skill in a more highly developed form. But while your humble and obedient servant, for example, most definitely possesses this same ability, he finds he is able reliably to identify only approximately half of his fellow homo sapiens.

Even Gargoyles Get Bored

Man Bites the Dog That Feeds Him (CNN Reports the News)

Well Done

A Frank Appraisal

Moore Than You Bargained For

Watch the first 10 minutes HERE.

Science Marches On

A Real Revelation

Revelation 1:8 - I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Revelation 21:6 - And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely."

Revelation 22:13 - I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

The Urban Community Leadership Academy of Kansas City, Missouri:

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti, Amen.

Of course, the Trinitarian formula is probably inappropriate. These fellows are plainly Unitarians.

Caturday

One Wink is Worth a Thousand Words

We Want One

Hear Not the News

Amended Rescue Allows Buyout of Other Bad Decisions

(2008-10-03) — The revised version of the Bush administration’s financial-sector rescue bill, passed by the Senate this week with hundreds of new pages of ’sweeteners’, faces almost certain approval in the House today thanks to an amendment that would allow the federal government to shield Americans from the consequences of other bad decisions.

The legislation, as it emerged from the Senate, currently protects…

* foolish homeowners,
* the predatory lenders who extended them credit,
* the irresponsible Government Sponsored Enterprises (GSE) who backed those loans,
* the regulators who failed to crack down on law breakers, and
* the politically-correct Congressmen who mandated risky loans to achieve ‘affordable housing’ for racial minorities.

The amended version, hitting the House floor today, also puts the U.S. taxpayer on the hook for guarding fellow citizens from the consequences of other decisions that lead to unpleasant results.

“It’s like a giant morning-after pill,” said one House Republican who opposed the initial bill but plans to support the new package. “From now on, when you do something stupid, you just pop the pill, purge and flush…the federal government takes care of the rest.”

“Americans have the right to the pursuit of happiness,” the unnamed lawmaker said, “but the Founders didn’t go far enough. We don’t just want to pursue happiness, we want a guarantee that we’ll catch it and that we won’t get hurt if we stumble, or we pursue it in the wrong direction.”

The 7,658-page amended bill includes tax-funded bailouts for the following…

* College students and others who say, “Just one more drink”
* Young men who tell their girlfriends, “Of course I love you”
* Young women who believe it when their boyfriends say, “Of course I love you”
* Husbands who say, “My wife won’t mind”
* Kids who say, “My parents will never know”
* Politicians who say “If you vote for me, I promise…”

From Scrappleface.

No Moose in the Headlights

Biden looked old, delivered no laughers, and lied with alacrity. But, of course, the last is the product of decades of service in the World's Most Mendacious Body.

Gwen Ifill appeared to be wearing Scarlett O'Hara's green curtains from Tara.

And Sarah? We'll defer to Peggy Noonan:

If the Young Guy and the Old Guy Both Scare You

You can always vote Green!

It's Been a Long Time

. . . since we did anything like THIS.

We're Sure to Get an Ifill Tonight

As all the world surely knows by now, PBS drone Gwen Ifill, moderator of tonight's Vice-Presidential debate, is writing a book (scheduled for release on Inauguration Day), titled, "The Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama." While we are mindful of the aphoristic warning respecting books and covers, it is not much of a stretch to suggest that Ms. Ifill is unlikely to conclude that Senator Obama is a shallow, glib demagogue, with unsavory connections to unwholesome people, of which he remains unrepentant.

Just a guess.

Moreover, we suspect her publisher hopes that the book is not released on the first day of the Age of John & Sarah.

But Jim Treacher has had a peek at Ms. Ifill's questions, which we present herewith:

Mayor Palin, Barack Obama is a handsome, charismatic demigod. How many boxes of Kleenex will you need after your crushing loss?

Senator Biden, what is your favorite color? And if you have time for a follow-up question: Why?

Mayor, you talk funny and you own a tanning bed. Why haven't you released Trig's birth certificate?

Senator, have you seen those pictures of Obama in his swim trunks? If not, I have them right here.

Mayor, what are the names, ages, and blood types of all 71 members of the Belgian Senate? And why are you unwilling to admit that your inability to instantly produce any and every fact I demand makes you unfit to stand in the way of history?

Senator, you've spoken at length. Could you please continue?

Mayor, which is your preferred method of stifling dissent, banning books or burning them? Since it's both, please explain how you can deny the accusation that you're a fascist, which I am making now.

Senator, could you please sign my book?

Our question is this: in what way is Ms. Ifill so vital to this process that her presence is indispensable?

Things You Didn't Know

For example: did you know that in order to avert financial Armageddon, and another Great Depression, the Congress must immediately deal with the problem of “wooden arrows designed for use by children”? If you think that doesn’t sound like much of an emergency, then you simply don’t understand the subtle and profound thought of our political masters.

In short: the Senate version of the bailout bill has hit the internet. More HERE.

"Muhammad on a Mango"

You probably think it's some form of ironic, creative and amusing oath. Not so much.