"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."


Glenn Reynolds:

Barack Obama:
"Impossible to transcend."

Albert A. Gore, Jr.:
"An incontinent brute."

Rev. Jeremiah Wright:
"God damn the Gentleman Farmer."

Friends of GF's Sons:
"Is that really your dad?"

Kickball Girl:
"Keeping 'em alive until 7:45."

Hired Hand:
"I think . . . we forgot the pheasant."

I'm an
Alcoholic Yeti
in the
TTLB Ecosystem

Friday, October 03, 2008

Hear Not the News

Amended Rescue Allows Buyout of Other Bad Decisions

(2008-10-03) — The revised version of the Bush administration’s financial-sector rescue bill, passed by the Senate this week with hundreds of new pages of ’sweeteners’, faces almost certain approval in the House today thanks to an amendment that would allow the federal government to shield Americans from the consequences of other bad decisions.

The legislation, as it emerged from the Senate, currently protects…

* foolish homeowners,
* the predatory lenders who extended them credit,
* the irresponsible Government Sponsored Enterprises (GSE) who backed those loans,
* the regulators who failed to crack down on law breakers, and
* the politically-correct Congressmen who mandated risky loans to achieve ‘affordable housing’ for racial minorities.

The amended version, hitting the House floor today, also puts the U.S. taxpayer on the hook for guarding fellow citizens from the consequences of other decisions that lead to unpleasant results.

“It’s like a giant morning-after pill,” said one House Republican who opposed the initial bill but plans to support the new package. “From now on, when you do something stupid, you just pop the pill, purge and flush…the federal government takes care of the rest.”

“Americans have the right to the pursuit of happiness,” the unnamed lawmaker said, “but the Founders didn’t go far enough. We don’t just want to pursue happiness, we want a guarantee that we’ll catch it and that we won’t get hurt if we stumble, or we pursue it in the wrong direction.”

The 7,658-page amended bill includes tax-funded bailouts for the following…

* College students and others who say, “Just one more drink”
* Young men who tell their girlfriends, “Of course I love you”
* Young women who believe it when their boyfriends say, “Of course I love you”
* Husbands who say, “My wife won’t mind”
* Kids who say, “My parents will never know”
* Politicians who say “If you vote for me, I promise…”

From Scrappleface.


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