We're Sure to Get an Ifill Tonight

As all the world surely knows by now, PBS drone Gwen Ifill, moderator of tonight's Vice-Presidential debate, is writing a book (scheduled for release on Inauguration Day), titled, "The Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama." While we are mindful of the aphoristic warning respecting books and covers, it is not much of a stretch to suggest that Ms. Ifill is unlikely to conclude that Senator Obama is a shallow, glib demagogue, with unsavory connections to unwholesome people, of which he remains unrepentant.

Just a guess.

Moreover, we suspect her publisher hopes that the book is not released on the first day of the Age of John & Sarah.

But Jim Treacher has had a peek at Ms. Ifill's questions, which we present herewith:

Mayor Palin, Barack Obama is a handsome, charismatic demigod. How many boxes of Kleenex will you need after your crushing loss?

Senator Biden, what is your favorite color? And if you have time for a follow-up question: Why?

Mayor, you talk funny and you own a tanning bed. Why haven't you released Trig's birth certificate?

Senator, have you seen those pictures of Obama in his swim trunks? If not, I have them right here.

Mayor, what are the names, ages, and blood types of all 71 members of the Belgian Senate? And why are you unwilling to admit that your inability to instantly produce any and every fact I demand makes you unfit to stand in the way of history?

Senator, you've spoken at length. Could you please continue?

Mayor, which is your preferred method of stifling dissent, banning books or burning them? Since it's both, please explain how you can deny the accusation that you're a fascist, which I am making now.

Senator, could you please sign my book?

Our question is this: in what way is Ms. Ifill so vital to this process that her presence is indispensable?