Abstinence: not just a laugh-line anymore

We promise we're not making any of this up.  It's on the interwebs, so it must be true.

There's a Facebook Group called "Liberal Ladies Who Lunch."  Now if you think that any such group must necessarily exhibit a very high degree of hysteria . . . well, then, you're a sexist tool of the oppressor class destined for reeducation camp.  Not that you'd be wrong, but still.  It's all so tediously predictable.  "Choice" means "I choose, you pay."  Standing up for "LBGT Rights" means "and you also have to pay for my genital mutilation surgery."  If you wonder aloud why you ought to be required to pay for birth control pills for an upper-middle-class law student, then you're part of the "War on Women."

Currently, the forces of reaction and oppression have become so alarming to the Liberal Ladies who Lunch that they've determined that they're not going to taking it laying down.  No, sir.  They've determined to stand up for their rights and, fiercely clenching an aspirin betwixt their knees, have announced what they're calling the "Access Denied Sex Strike," to run from April 28 through May 5:

Younger men and women may not remember the "good old days" when the only reproductive choice we had was to deny men access to sex. In truth, if we lose our hard won rights to medical care, birth control and pregnancy choice, it won't only affect women. Men will have to go back to the days when they waited for or paid for sex. This issue impacts all of us. This strike is designed to make that point. IT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT OR A WEAPON TO BE USED AGAINST ANYONE! It's a week in which you are conscious of the attack on women's rights, nothing more.

Ask your man to stand with you in solidarity and speak up for your rights, because when we lose our reproductive choices, so do they.

I know, I know. You thought "abstinence" was a laugh-line to be used when discussing sex education; so silly a notion that it can't be taken seriously. But, then, while these folks are liberals, they're also ladies. And if there's one thing a gentleman knows about a lady, it's that her inconsistency and irrationality are just part of her charm.

So don't worry, girls: we still think you're cute as a button.