Hitler Finds Out the Nationals Called Up Bryce Harper

Well, that didn't take long.

The Führer would be a Phillies fan.


H/T Nats Enquirer.

"To Serve Man"

Thank Heaven: no dog meat

Pray for Bo

No such thing as a talking cat

From 60 to 0 in 4.5 seconds!

New Romney campaign slogan: "OBAMA ISN'T WORKING!"

Obama campaign sock puppet: Racist!

Let's be clear

NOT Barnabas Collins

Barnabas Collins

Too Soon?

Amateurs

"Forest Service may blow up frozen cows in cabin."

The Seattle Times reports:

It may take explosives to dislodge a group of cows that wandered into an old ranger cabin high in the Rocky Mountains, then died and froze solid when they couldn't get out.

The carcasses were discovered by two Air Force Academy cadets when they snow-shoed up to the cabin in late March. Rangers believe the animals sought shelter during a snowstorm and got stuck and weren't smart enough to find their way out.

The cabin is located near the Conundrum Hot Springs, a nine-mile hike from the Aspen area in the Maroon Bells-Snowmass Wilderness area.

[snip]

U.S. Forest Service spokesman Steve Segin said Tuesday they need to decide quickly how to get rid of the carcasses. "Obviously, time is of the essence because we don't want them defrosting," Segin said.

R.I.P. Dick Clark (1929 - 2012)

Did somebody say "Colombian hookers?"

Happy Tax Day!

From the Cato Institute.

Beaten to death with a crazy stick

Tania Head had one of the most tragic and inspiring stories to come out of the Sept. 11 attacks.

She was in the south tower, on the same floor that the second plane hit. She saw horrific carnage and was handed a wedding ring by a dying man who requested that she give it to his wife. Then she was led to safety by Welles Crowther, the famous "man in the red bandanna," who lost his own life rescuing others. And finally, she woke up in a hospital burn unit six days later, only to find out that her husband had been killed in the north tower.

Head became the face of the Sept. 11 survivors movement, telling her story to the media and to tour groups at ground zero.

Wait for it. Here it comes.

There was just one problem: Not a word of it was true.

"Her real name wasn't Tania Head at all," author and documentary filmmaker Angelo Guglielmo tells weekends on All Things Considered host Guy Raz. "She was actually not even in the United States on Sept. 11."

From National Public Radio.

The best throw from center field . . .

. . . that you're ever likely to see.

In last night's game against the Houston Astros, in the sixth inning, with the bases loaded and no outs, Houston's Carlos Lee hit a fly ball to center field. Rick Ankiel gathered in the ball, and fired a strike to catcher Wilson Ramos, standing 310 feet away at home plate.

Off Message

Let me Google that for you: Cartagena hookers.

Sigh . . . .

Triskaidekaphobia

In the course of each 400-year cycle of the Gregorian calendar, there are a total of 146,097 days: 146,000 normal days (365 x 400), plus 97 leap days. Over that 400-year cycle, the 13th day of the month will occur 684 times on Thursday and Saturday, 685 times on Monday and Tuesday, 687 times on Wednesday and Sunday . . . and 688 times on a Friday.

Thus, it is more likely for the 13th to be a Friday than any other day.

Charlie Sheen has the best agent in the world

A Two-fer

Number 1: This is actually quite clever;

Number 2: You get to say the word "Fleming," which is always fun. Well, sure, it's not as fun as saying "Walloon," but still . . . .

I felt a great disturbance in the Force . . .

. . . as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

Ten Minutes After the Titanic Struck the Iceberg

From Zerohedge:

Ten minutes after the iceberg had opened six of the ship's 16 watertight compartments, it was not at all apparent that the mighty vessel had been fatally wounded, as there was no evidence of damage topside. Indeed, some eyewitnesses reported that passengers playfully scattered the ice left on the foredeck by the encounter.

But some rudimentary calculations soon revealed the truth to the officers: the ship was designed to survive four watertight compartments being compromised, and could likely stay afloat if five were opened to the sea, but not if six compartments were flooded. Water would inevitably spill over into adjacent compartments in a domino-like fashion until the ship sank.

[snip]

I think this perfectly describes the present. Our financial system seems "unsinkable," yet the reliance on debt and financialization has already doomed it, whether we are willing to believe it or not.

Read the whole thing.

A guy walks into a bar . . . .

Nah, just kidding.

Instead:  A guy walks into a polling place in the District of Columbia during last weeks primary election.  It's the polling place where Eric Holder, Attorney General of the United States, is registered to vote.  Just so we're clear, said guy is decidedly NOT Eric Holder, does not look even slightly like Eric Holder, and most certainly has no identification suggesting that he's Eric Holder.

This was very carefully done. Note that the fellow never says, "I'm Eric Holder." Nor did he actually accept the proffered ballot, let alone vote.

Don't worry.  Nothing to see here.  Move along.

When the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, so that they might go and anoint him.  And very early on the first day of the week, when the sun had risen, they went to the tomb.  And they were saying to one another, "Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?"  And looking up, they saw that the stone had been rolled back— it was very large.  And entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, dressed in a white robe, and they were alarmed.  And he said to them, "Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him.  But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you."  And they went out and fled from the tomb, for trembling and astonishment had seized them, and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.

Do it to Julia

"I betrayed you," she said baldly.

"I betrayed you," he said.

She gave him another quick look of dislike.

"Sometimes," she said, "they threaten you with something — something you can't stand up to, can't even think about. And then you say, 'Don't do it to me, do it to somebody else, do it to so-and-so.' And perhaps you might pretend, afterwards, that it was only a trick and that you just said it to make them stop and didn't really mean it. But that isn't true. At the time when it happens you do mean it. You think there's no other way of saving yourself and you're quite ready to save yourself that way. You want it to happen to the other person. You don't give a damn what they suffer. All you care about is yourself."

"All you care about is yourself," he echoed.

"And after that, you don't feel the same toward the other person any longer."

"No," he said, "you don't feel the same."

Suicidal Stupidity

HERE is a genuinely heart-wrenching story by the mother of a 14-year-old with a brain tumor.  But the message isn't social or emotional -- it's political.  Because, you see, with the evil, heartless insurance companies in charge, not only might their insurance be cancelled, and not only do they face the fact that their policy had a lifetime benefit limit of $5 million (almost certainly inadequate in the event), but the family had to repeatedly deal with limitations and pre-approvals by the insurance company -- decisions that often didn't mesh with what the family thought was the best treatment available.

Now let's be clear:  I'm with them.  I understand the problem, and it's a real problem.  They're confronting rationing, pure and simple.  Their insurance company -- ANY insurance company -- simply cannot pay for the best (most expensive) medical care in every instance because, if they did, their premiums would be through the roof, or they'd be out of business.  And neither of those options would be much help either to the story's author, or the hundreds of thousands of OTHER insureds whose kid DIDN'T have brain cancer.

But here's what's scary and sickening: the underlying assumption here is that now, with Obamacare (or, even better, with single-payer Government health insurance) all of these problems will melt away.  There won't be any limitations, you'll get whatever medical care you think is best, and there won't be any rationing -- no medical decisions will be made by the Government.  It's gonna be all rainbows and unicorns. Everyone will be treated at the Cleveland Clinic for as long as they think that would be a good thing.

When we're all wearing Government Issue gray jumpsuits, and trudging out to tend the turnips on the Farmers' Collective, THEN will these people realize that this is NOT a solution to all of their problems?

No.  They won't.  They'll explain that the system is a grossly flawed implementation of True Progressivism and that, with just a little tinkering, the Millennium will be ushered in.

Ignorance is Strength

One classic characteristic of unhinged conspiracy theory is that there is no data point -- no matter of objective fact -- that does not support your theory. If you're convinced that the Zionists control everything, then a Jewish chairman of Goldman Sachs is evidence supporting your theory. And a non-Jewish chairman of Goldman Sachs also proves your theory, because those darned Jews are just crafty enough to do their dirty work through such a shill.

Similarly, true believers in Anthropogenic Global Warming Climate Change will patiently explain to the skeptical that normal weather isn't contrary evidence, because weather isn't climate, you ninnys! Everybody knows THAT! But extreme weather, on the other hand, is proof positive.

Because if you're already perfect . . . .

Welcome to the Future