Wait, wait! I almost forgot! It's 2012!

Quote of the Day: Blind Pig, Acorns Department

That’s pretty much what the schools are like, I think: they reward discipline and obedience, and they punish independence of mind. If you happen to be a little innovative, or maybe you forgot to come to school one day because you were reading a book or something, that’s a tragedy, that’s a crime - because you’re not supposed to think, you’re supposed to obey, and just proceed through the material in whatever way they require.

- Noam Chomsky

Hurricane Preparedness: Presented as a Public Service

Al Gore Lives in an Alternate Reality

In Al Gore's world, there exists the orthodox dogma handed down by the Global Warming Magisterium, and then there is all other opinion. Opinion, research, facts that don't square with Received Wisdom is, as he so eloquently put it recently at the Aspen Institute, "Bullshit!"

Listen for yourself:

Al Gore calls B.S. on climate change naysayers ... by RealAspen

Best comment at Soundcloud: "Al Gore thinks the sun is bullshit?"

Welcome to my world

No, we don't do protein bars here and, yes, we've taken care of defensive weaponry.

Doomsday: Not Just For Crazy People Anymore

We don't know much about the Mayan calendar, or Nostradamus, or the coming Zombie Apocalypse. But we do know that for some time now we've been cautiously confident that the Western world is increasingly likely to experience hyper-inflation, the collapse and possible worthlessness of the paper dollar, with inevitable social and infrastructure disruptions. In short, your lights will be out, your money wouldn't buy anything if you could find anything to buy, and the police wouldn't show up even if your cell phone was working.

In planning to meet this situation we have the disadvantage of being of modest means, but the advantage of not caring who thinks we're crazy. We have thus accumulated a modest horde of gold, silver, food and ammunition, and have a secure source of drinking water. Depending upon the exact nature, severity and duration of the collapse, we might be able to hold out for six months or a year.

But we've also speculated about what we would do if we won the lottery, and were suddenly worth $100,000,000. And the answer is clear: we'd buy a large, self-sustaining farm that supported cows, pigs and horses, and produced food for them and vegetables for us. It would come with enough tenants (not to say serfs), to continue working it indefinitely. Everyone above the age of 10 would practice on the rifle range twice a week.

Which brings us to a report in Tuesday's New York Observer, headlined "Hedge Farm! The Doomsday Food Price Scenario Turning Hedgies into Survivalists."

On the rare occasion that New Yorkers talk about farming, it's usually something along the lines of what sort of organic kale to plant in the vanity garden at the second house in the Adirondacks. But on a recent afternoon, The Observer had a conversation of a different sort about agricultural pursuits with a hedge fund manager he'd met at one of the many dark-paneled private clubs in midtown a few weeks prior. "A friend of mine is actually the largest owner of agricultural land in Uruguay," said the hedge fund manager. "He's a year older than I am. We're somewhere [around] the 15th-largest farmers in America right now."

"We," as in, his hedge fund.

It may seem a little odd that in 2011 anyone's thinking of putting money into assets that would have seemed attractive in 1911, but there's something in the air-namely, fear. The hedge fund manager and others like him envision a doomsday scenario catalyzed by a weak dollar, higher-than-you-think inflation and an uncertain political climate here and abroad.

It may turn out that this is no more than an excellent hedge against inflation, but it's worth noting also that the world's economy is presently one major natural disaster -- volcano, earthquake, tsunami (or maybe just an extended patch of bad weather) -- away from a cataclysmic disruption of food production and supply. But then . . . The article goes on:

There is, of course, a slightly more sinister reason to develop a sudden interest in agriculture. Last year, Marc Faber recommended to anyone: "Stock up on a farm in northern Norway and learn to drive a tractor." He sees a "dirty war" on the horizon, playing on fears of a biological attack poisoning food supplies. Those sort of fears drive capital into everything from gold (recently at an all-time high and a long-time safe haven for investors with currency concerns) to survivalist accoutrements. In this particular case, one might buy the farm in order to avoid buying the farm.

That may seem extreme, but even the lesser scenarios are frightening to some. When asked if this is an end-of-the-world situation, the hedge fund manager replied: "It really is. I tell my fiancée this from time to time, and I've stopped telling her this, because it's not the most pleasant thought." He pauses for a moment. "We just can't keep living the way we're living. It'll end within our lifetime. We're just going to run out of certain things. We'll just have to learn how to adjust."

Budget Burp

When Republicans propose "slashing" the federal budget by $6 Billion, as in the recent continuing resolution, they're suggesting the equivalent of going on a diet by ordering a Big Mac Happy Meal, while leaving exactly 1/3 of one fry at the bottom of the bag.

Here comes the math.

Charlie Sheen Not Available

"Muammar Gaddafi has accepted an offer from Venezuela to mediate in Libya’s political crisis after talks with Hugo Chavez, the Venezuelan president, Al Jazeera has learnt."

$2,500,000,000,000

The Financial Times reports: "States Warned of $2 Trillion Pensions Shortfall."

Let's discuss Sarah Palin's new shoes.

Agenda

The federal deficit is unsustainable.

Crude oil is $100/bbl.

The Federal Reserve is inflating the currency.

The unemployment rate is 9.1%.

Several large states are insolvent.

Let's talk about Sarah Palin.

NEVER Goes to Voice Mail

Via Miss Julie.

Emergency Supplies

Whether it comes via flood, hurricane, monetary collapse, or zombie apocalypse, we know that all G&S readers are prepared. They have gold for when the waters finally recede, they have silver for routine non-barter transactions, they have a water well with a hand pump, weapons, ammunition, canned provisions, salt, sugar, coffee, 50-pound sacks of rice, beans and flour. They have radios and flashlights, extra batteries, and a hand-cranked battery charger. They have their daily Missal just in case Father can't get around as often as he'd like. We know all that. You're ready.

But have you considered . . . bacon? Sure, theoretically you could have a couple of fully-smoked pork bellies, but good luck finding them down at the local pre-disaster Safeway.

Fear not! We have three words for you: Yoder's Canned Bacon. Yup. A half case (6 cans) will provide you with over three pounds of canned, fully cooked bacon. And, if you think ahead and exercise some discipline, after the first six months of anarchy we're predicting an exchange rate that will permit you to trade six cans for a third wife.

Book Recommendations: Preparing for the Apocalypse

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

This morning, at about ten minutes until 6:00 (EDT), a rock passed earth within the orbit of the moon. It was between 32 and 65 feet in diameter.

This afternoon, at about a quarter past 5:00 (EDT), a second rock will pass even closer, missing earth by just under 50,000 miles. It's between 20 and 46 feet in diameter.

No one on earth saw either object until last Sunday morning.

Have a nice day.

More HERE.

Welcome, Class of 2014

"Each August since 1998, Beloit College has released the Beloit College Mindset List. It provides a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college this fall. The creation of Beloit’s Keefer Professor of the Humanities Tom McBride and former Public Affairs Director Ron Nief, it was originally created as a reminder to faculty to be aware of dated references, and quickly became a catalog of the rapidly changing worldview of each new generation."

Our favorites this year:

Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.

7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall . . . .

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he?

55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.

71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

The most alarming fact on display -- the most bone-chilling reminder that these kids have become acclimated to the bizarre, the perverse, the positively grotesque being "normal" is #38: Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball. Saint Rita, pray for us.

Full list HERE.

Not Tonight Honey

xkcd, via The Sweaty Bike Guy

Cyberdyne Systems Announces New Breakthrough, Still Looking For Sarah Connor

What could possibly go wrong:

Using infrared beams the drones are able to find each others' location and connect with one another using magnets, completely autonomously.

* * *

The group is able to keep itself level by using altitude sensors in each robot which speak to each other using infrared to make sure the flight is even.

Even if one of the robots in the swarm fails, the others are able to reposition themselves to keep the aircraft flying.

* * *

The robots exchange information and combine this with their own sensor measurements to determine how much thrust is needed for take-off.

When the flight is over, the robots are able to simply detach their magnetic docking system and separate and drop to the ground where they can drive away.

Even if the robots were attacked they are able to detach from each other and then find one another and reform on the ground.

If the array’s level flight is disturbed, each vehicle individually determines the amount of thrust required to correct for the disturbance based on its own position.

While it is only a research project at the moment the 'Distributed Flight Array' can, in theory, be scaled up to contain any number of individual robots.

Congressman Hank Johnson (D - Ga.)

Congressman Johnson voted "yes" on Obamacare. Nobody asked you, because such decisions are best left to the best and brightest.

Welcome to the Future

Bloomberg reports:

March 22 (Bloomberg) -- The bond market is saying that it’s safer to lend to Warren Buffett than Barack Obama.

Two-year notes sold by the billionaire’s Berkshire Hathaway Inc. in February yield 3.5 basis points less than Treasuries of similar maturity, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.

You need to ponder that: the Government of the United States, with the power to tax and the power to print money, is considered a worse credit risk than a corporation. Think about it. Perhaps the proper scary analogy is not that the people at the DMV are now in charge of your health care, but that the people in charge of the your health care are the same guys who run the Treasury.