Alien Life Form Documented

Christmas is Coming

Experts: Christmas Tree Can Be Ablaze in 3 Seconds

WASHINGTON, Dec. 23 (UPI) -- A dry Scotch pine Christmas tree can be completely ablaze within 3 seconds of ignition, officials of the U.S. Fire Administration say.

The perfect gift for that hard-to-shop-for uncle with a touch of pyromania.

So the multi-colored propane lights are out this year, right?

Books For Christmas?

Whiskey - Tango - Foxtrot

Only $10; cheap at twice the price.

Sorry, We Can't Tell Anymore

Christmas gifts for black people? This is a joke, right? Has to be:

Somali fashion, do-it-yourself henna kits, children's books that draw inspiration from the lives of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor: it's not hard to find gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season. Here are some possibilities.

Christmas Gift Ideas

Let's see how long it takes for ABC to pull this. H/T to Uncle Michael, who stays up late so we don't have to.

I'll Bet Aunt Millie Doesn't Have One of These

Christmas Gift Ideas

We noticed a recent uptick of incoming junk mail, which always signals the approach of Christmas Hanukah the Holiday Season The Celebration of the Winter Solstice. And with this season of officially mandated good cheer we look forward with joy to cranky children dragged through malls, parking lot fender-benders, broken toys, flaming Christmas trees, and drunken reveling. But central to the annual anxiety swamp that is December is the problem of mandatory gifts. And no mandatory gift is more perilous than that purchased for the wife/girlfriend/significant other. Sometimes cruise tickets, jewelry, a little something from Victoria's Secret, or the latest toaster oven touches the little lady to her core. Sometimes the very same gift is only the latest evidence of your devotion to Moloch. So it goes, so it goes.

So we were excited to see that the CBS television network has produced a series of public service announcements to help the unimaginative among us:

Because NOTHING says "I love you" like a cold speculum.

Here Kitty, Kitty. Nice Kitty. Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty . . . . .

It is Right to Give Me Thanks and Praise

Oremus

Bob Dylan has a Christmas album:

"Christmas in the Heart" includes "I'll be Home for Christmas," which, as sung by Dylan, sounds like a threat. We couldn't find a a clip of what will no doubt be our favorite, Bob's own inimitable treatment of "Adeste Fideles."

We Need One

We Want One

Order HERE.

H/T R2D2.

Some Things are Always Funny

People falling down. Always funny. Kids ratting out their parents' embarrasing behavior. Always funny. But the all-time most reliable always-funny topic is gas. Flatulence. Always, always funny.

Hence, this story from The Daily Telegraph:

New Zealand scientists claim to have developed a "flatulence inoculation" aimed at cutting down on the massive amount of methane produced by its sheep and cows.

Such animals are believed to be responsible for more than half of the country's greenhouse gases, causing huge environmental problems.

But Phil Goff, New Zealand's trade minister, told an Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD) in Paris yesterday that a solution was in sight.

"Our agricultural research organisation just last week was able to map the genome ... that causes methane in ruminant animals and we believe we can vaccinate against" flatulent emissions, Mr Goff said.

[snip]

Sheep, cattle, goats and deer produce large quantities of gas through belching and flatulence, as their multiple stomachs digest grass.

We leave it to our creative readers to make their own jokes. You're welcome.

For the Night Shift Nurse on Your List

Keeping 'em Alive Until 7:45!

Goose Step, Anyone?

Do we really think that these young ladies are part of the Ukranian Army?

Because They Can

"Storing both boxer shorts and panties takes up a lot of space and there has been a move from within the health care sector to rationalize their offering of underwear. In addition, it’s possible to purchase larger quantities of material at a better price."

Lord knows we've always found that to be true. More HERE.

A 21st Century Christmas

What to get for the dad who has everything? Why, his very own domain name, of course:

glibandsuperficial.com

All I Want For Christmas