Happy Kwanzaa

Every year about this time, when my sons were younger, they were subjected to public (and other) school political indoctrination regarding "Kwanzaa." It was always accompanied by sufficient discussion of Chanukah and Christmas to leave the impression that the Creator of the Universe had caused a miracle of light, had caused Himself to be incarnated in a stable in Bethlehem, and for reasons known only to Himself, had caused Dr. Maulana Karenga.

All more or less equivalently valid. Or important. Or something or other.

Kwanzaa and Dr. Karenga (aka "Ron Karenga," aka "Ron Everett") having the distinct advantage that the competition is plainly religious, thus leaving a stench in the nostrils of public school bureaucrats and sophisticated folks everywhere, a taint from which Kwanzaa is militantly free.

Karenga, as you surely must know, was a 60's era Maoist revolutionary, and a criminal, having been convicted of kidnaping, torture, and the like. And his made-up holiday would be laughable in its celebration of collectivism, its hodge-podge of swiped symbols and erroneous assumptions (Swahili, for example, was the language of few of the ancestors of American blacks. Corn is not native to Africa. No matter.) and its general incoherence if it had not gained such widespread acceptance by the ignorant, the gullible, and, well, "others."

Always concerned for our readers' education, we've come up with a few links. Nothing comprehensive, nothing fair or balanced. I'd be pleased to receive email documenting any factual errors in any of these discussions: HERE, HERE, and HERE. Of course, La Shawn Barber's "Kwanzaa Is for Pagans." And don't miss Dr. Ron's very own statement on the occasion of official federal recognition by the Postal Service.

A few years ago a friend provided me with a copy of a Kwanzaa parody of The Night Before Christmas. It is most disrespectful, completely improper, and will no doubt have a negative impact on your political hygiene. It was penned, I now discover, by Kathy Shaidle, proprietress of relapsed catholic. It is available here, and here:

'Twas the night before Kwanzaa
And all through the 'hood,
Maulana Karenga was up to no good.

He'd tortured a woman and spent time in jail.
He needed a new scam that just wouldn't fail.
("So what if I stuck some chick's toe in a vice?
Nobody said revolution was nice!")

The Sixties were over. Now what would he do?
Why, he went back to school -- so that's "Dr." to you!
He once ordered shootouts at UCLA
Now he teaches Black Studies just miles away.

Then to top it all off, the good Doctor's new plan
Was to get rid of Christmas and piss off The Man.

Karenga invented a fake holiday.
He called the thing Kwanza. "Hey, what's that you say?

"You don't get what's 'black' about Maoist baloney?
You say that my festival's totally phony?

"Who cares if corn isn't an African crop?
Who cares if our harvest's a month or two off?
Who cares if Swahili's not our mother tongue?
A lie for The Cause never hurt anyone!

"Umoja! Ujima! Kujichagulia, too!
Collectivist crap never sounded so cool!
Those guilty white liberals -- easy to fool.
Your kids will now celebrate Kwanzaa in school!"

And we heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:
"Happy Kwanzaa to all, except if you're white!"