"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."


Glenn Reynolds:

Barack Obama:
"Impossible to transcend."

Albert A. Gore, Jr.:
"An incontinent brute."

Rev. Jeremiah Wright:
"God damn the Gentleman Farmer."

Friends of GF's Sons:
"Is that really your dad?"

Kickball Girl:
"Keeping 'em alive until 7:45."

Hired Hand:
"I think . . . we forgot the pheasant."

I'm an
Alcoholic Yeti
in the
TTLB Ecosystem

Friday, February 29, 2008

Angry White Men

Aspen Times columnist Gary Hubbell has sent ripples through the collective consciousness with his February 9 piece:
Each candidate is carefully pandering to a smorgasbord of special-interest groups, ranging from gay, lesbian and transgender people to children of illegal immigrants to working mothers to evangelical Christians.

There is one group no one has recognized, and it is the group that will decide the election: the Angry White Man. The Angry White Man comes from all economic backgrounds, from dirt-poor to filthy rich. He represents all geographic areas in America, from urban sophisticate to rural redneck, deep South to mountain West, left Coast to Eastern Seaboard.

His common traits are that he isn’t looking for anything from anyone — just the promise to be able to make his own way on a level playing field. In many cases, he is an independent businessman and employs several people. He pays more than his share of taxes and works hard.

The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — “disenfranchised,” “marginalized” and “voiceless” — don’t resonate with him. “Press ‘one’ for English” is a curse-word to him. He’s used to picking up the tab, whether it’s the company Christmas party, three sets of braces, three college educations or a beautiful wedding.


The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

His last name and religion don’t matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.


Women either love him or hate him, but they know he’s a man, not a dishrag. If they’re looking for someone to walk all over, they’ve got the wrong guy. He stands up straight, opens doors for women and says “Yes, sir” and “No, ma’am.”

He might be a Republican and he might be a Democrat; he might be a Libertarian or a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and he guides the family in a rational manner.
After reading the whole thing, you might pass the time by googling the article and surfing the varied responses.

H/T to Uncle Michael.

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Leap Day - 2008

Big fracking deal.


Thursday, February 28, 2008

You Keep Using That Word . . . .

I do not think it means what you think it means.

There's THIS, and then there's THIS.

The question is whether they said what they meant, or they meant what they said.

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True Dat

Prior to engaging in divorce, most white people train for it by engaging in a series of long term relationships that end very poorly. At some point, you will likely encounter a white person who is in the middle of a difficult breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The suffering of heartbreak is universal, but it is important to be aware that white people thrive during these trying times. If you play your cards right, you can parlay these moments into future favors and valuable trust.

The majority of white person art is created after a difficult breakup; films, indie music, and poetry are all kicked into high production during the end of a relationship. This helps train white people to prepare for the pain that is coming.

Once breakup proceedings have been initiated, a white person is immediately thrust into the center of attention in their circle of friends. During this time, they are permitted to talk at great lengths about themselves, listen to The Smiths, and get free dinners from friends who think “they shouldn’t be alone right now.”

More at Stuff White People Like.

H/T to the Hired Hand, the whitest guy we know.

UPDATE: Had to include a seminal passage from a deeper post:

To explain this love [white people have] for Public Radio, one only needs to summarize several previous posts on this website. Let’s use my friend Craig as an example. Craig has a high-paying 9 to 5 so he feels guilty about all the problems in the world. To make himself feel better he likes being socially aware of things Post #18. However he spends most of his time indulging in the arts and going out for dinner so he has little time to devote to this. He found solace in The Daily Show Post#35, however he decided that life would be better if he did not have a TV post #28. Craig found an adequate replacement in Public Radio.


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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

William F. Buckley, Jr. (1925 - 2008)

Story HERE.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Henry James

We would like to thank the High School English teacher who forced us to study Daisy Miller. Without that repulsive and ill-timed force-feeding, we might have seriously considered actually reading Henry James before we reached middle age. And that would have been a tragedy. In the event, we rebounded from what was – to us at that time – the impenetrable surface formed from equal parts of complex prose and unimaginable meaning.

So far beyond being comprehensible to the college aged, we think it unlikely James can be truly grasped by that most confident demographic cohort, the over-educated thirty-something, who believes they have acquired wisdom by surviving into a second decade of perceived adulthood.

In The Portrait of a Lady, whose heroine – Isabel Archer – we must certainly fall in love with (every male character does so, and with good reason), James describes Gilbert Osmond, a middle-aged widower, who had grown content in his by now long-standing reacquired bachelorhood, content in a life constructed from modestly doing as he pleased, content to occupy his time doing not very much. She is perhaps 18, he must be nearly 50:
Absolutely void of success his career had not been; a very moderate amount of reflection would have assured him of this. But his triumphs were, some of them, now, too old; others had been too easy. The present one had been less difficult than might have been expected; but it had been easy – that is, it had been rapid – only because he had made an altogether exceptional effort, a greater effort than he had believed it was in him to make. The desire to succeed greatly – in something or other – had been the dream of his youth; but as the years went on, the conditions attached to success became so various and repulsive that the idea of making an effort gradually lost its charm. It was not dead, however; it only slept; it revived after he had made the acquaintance of Isabel Archer.
The cad. A bounder. This can not end well. If only we could save her!


Everything Old . . . .

. . . is new again.

More HERE and HERE.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Oscar Night! II

Mary Pickford, Lillian Gish, Gloria Swanson, Marlene Dietrich, Norma Shearer, Ruth Chatterton, Jean Harlow, Katharine Hepburn, Carole Lombard, Bette Davis, Greta Garbo, Barbara Stanwyck, Vivien Leigh, Greer Garson, Hedy Lamarr, Rita Hayworth, Gene Tierney, Olivia de Havilland, Ingrid Bergman, Joan Crawford, Ginger Rogers, Loretta Young, Deborah Kerr, Judy Garland, Anne Baxter, Lauren Bacall, Susan Hayward, Ava Gardner, Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Lana Turner, Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Novak, Audrey Hepburn, Dorothy Dandridge, Shirley MacLaine, Natalie Wood, Rita Moreno, Janet Leigh, Brigitte Bardot, Sophia Loren, Ann Margret, Julie Andrews, Raquel Welch, Tuesday Weld, Jane Fonda, Julie Christie, Faye Dunaway, Catherine Deneuve, Jacqueline Bisset, Candice Bergen, Isabella Rossellini, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Lange, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sigourney Weaver, Kathleen Turner, Holly Hunter, Jodie Foster, Angela Bassett, Demi Moore, Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts, Salma Hayek, Sandra Bullock, Julianne Moore, Diane Lane, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Reese Witherspoon, Halle Berry.

Keep track of where you smile (Vivien Leigh, Lauren Bacall, Julie Christie, Holly Hunter & Charlize Theron).

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Oscar Night!

In honor of tonight being the Academy Awards and all, we present the following list of excellent movies, with each of which you are surely familiar:

The Shawshank Redemption
The Sixth Sense
Fight Club
Blade Runner
It's a Wonderful Life
The Great Escape
Taxi Driver
Singin' in the Rain
Dr Strangelove

What do these movies have in common? Give up? Answer HERE.


"She's Like the Best Person Ever!!!"

You'll have to decide for yourself, after watching THIS.


Because They Can

"Storing both boxer shorts and panties takes up a lot of space and there has been a move from within the health care sector to rationalize their offering of underwear. In addition, it’s possible to purchase larger quantities of material at a better price."

Lord knows we've always found that to be true. More HERE.

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Disturbing . . .

. . . on so many levels. That it plays the theme song while in use would be sufficiently creepy for us. H/T to Cartoon Brew.

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Washington's Birthday


Thursday, February 21, 2008




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Saint Barack

We think the real question, unanswered in news reports, is whether a devoted follower had the presence of mind to collect the holy relic.

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Friday, February 15, 2008

Happy Birthday . . . .

Your proprietor has once again decamped to Fauquier County, where connecting to the interwebs is like eating chili through a soda straw. We expect to be gone three days, what with Monday being a Federal Holiday and all. Although we're a tad confused as to what this holiday is all about.

Inasmuch as Monday is February 18, we know that this is not a celebration of Mr. Lincoln, whose birthday (as any schoolboy knows) is February 12.

Similarly, the Father of His Country was born February 22 (of course, on the day he was born it was thought to be February 11, but what did people in those days know?). Thus, next Monday is no celebration of his nativity.

But a little research has revealed that Monday is Cybill Shepherd's birthday. For what it's worth, Cybill (almost exactly our age) had us with The Last Picture Show. So happy 58th Cybill, and remember that we still love you.

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Obama Endorsed . . .

. . . by Daniel Ortega. And why not?

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Just in time . . . .

. . . . for Valentine's Day:

Radio station WKLC-FM in Charleston, West Virginia, is giving away a free divorce;

See's Candies has announced it is recalling 16-ounce bags of its Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips. If your honey is allergic to milk, get out the epi pen;

BANGKOK (Reuters) - "Alarmed by polls showing one in four Thai teens will celebrate St. Valentine's Day by having sex, police plan to swoop on motels, malls and parks to ensure youths behave themselves on the 'Day of Love.'"

RIYADH (Reuters) - "Saudi Arabia's religious police have banned red roses ahead of Valentine's Day, forcing couples in the conservative Muslim nation to think of new ways to show their love.

"The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice has ordered florists and gift shop owners in the capital Riyadh to remove any items colored scarlet, which is widely seen as symbolizing love, newspapers said."

AMSTERDAM (AFP) - "The Dutch Red Cross will send buses with volunteers carrying roses to old age homes on Valentine's Day to urge lonely pensioners to ask others out on a date, a spokesman said Wednesday."

If you find yourself without a Valentine of your very own today, send chocolate, flowers and racy lingerie to glibandsuperficial@gmail.com.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Read The Whole Thing

At The New Republic, Leon Wieseltier opines:
It is not "the politics of fear" to remind Obama's legions of the blissful that, while they are watching Scarlett Johansson sway to the beat, somewhere deep inside a quasi independent territory we might call Islamistan people are making plans to blow them to bits. (Yes, they can.)

One of the striking features of Obama's victory speeches is the absence from these exultations of any lasting allusion to the darker dimensions of our strategic predicament. He makes no applause line out of American defense.

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Monday, February 11, 2008


Pretty much. Via Extreme Mortman.

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Question of the Day

This is a local campaign office in Texas promoting a well-known politician (and we don't mean Ernesto, whose pirated image that most certainly is):

The Question of the Day: Whose office is this? Story, with links to video, HERE.

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Caption This!

H/T to the Hired Hand. Original HERE.


February 11, 1988

Happy Birthday, Dave.

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Saturday, February 09, 2008

Coal: The Clean, Green Alternative

The New York Times reports:
Almost all biofuels used today cause more greenhouse gas emissions than conventional fuels if the full emissions costs of producing these “green” fuels are taken into account, two studies being published Thursday have concluded.

The benefits of biofuels have come under increasing attack in recent months, as scientists took a closer look at the global environmental cost of their production. These latest studies, published in the prestigious journal Science, are likely to add to the controversy.
And that's not the sort of thing our masters at The Times get wrong.

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Seems Right

"I wanted you to meet our colon specialist before we miniaturized him."

From The New Yorker, of course.



"The view of the IRS is it can unconstitutionally violate the Constitution by establishing religion, by treating one religion more favorably than other religions in terms of what is allowed as deductions, and there can never be any judicial review of that?"

More HERE.

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Improv Everywhere

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Friday, February 08, 2008

Which Makes John McCain What, Exactly?

Jonah Goldberg observes:
The Democrats' coalitions are usually about bringing together different groups who want the same thing but look different. They are a transactional party, a popular front party. They tell union workers "we'll give you what you want if you agree to support giving feminists what they want and black groups what they want." Historically, Democrats win by promising to slice the pie generously for constituencies like teachers unions, racial party bosses etc. The Republicans historically say, "if you believe 7 of these 10 things, you're a Republican." Now obviously a political party, even a conservative one, plays its own patronage games but the differences are nonetheless remarkable.

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What's So Great About Unity?

So asks Ilya Somin at the Volokh Conspiracy (warning - original post may contain shameless law professor self-promotion):
One of Barack Obama's major campaign themes is the promise that he will "unite" America. Obama is an incredibly skillfull campaigner, so I must assume that he wouldn't be pushing this trope unless there were good reason to believe that it works. Of course, Obama is far from the only politician to promise unity. Remember when George W. Bush promised that he would be a "uniter, not a divider"? That was a fairly successful campaign theme too.

This emphasis on unity for its own sake seems misplaced. After all, unity is really valuable only if we are united in doing the right thing. Being united in doing the wrong thing is surely worse than being divided, if only because division reduces the likelihood of the harmful policies being enacted. And even if the policies proposed by the would-be "uniter" really are beneficial, it's not clear why broad unity in support of them is preferable to just having enough votes to get them passed.


Despite its vacuousness, unity rhetoric seems to be popular. Popular enough that both conservative and liberal politicians routinely resort to it. Popular enough that a brilliant candidate like Obama has made it a centerpiece of his campaign. Popular enough that nationalists, socialists, fascists, and communists have all made effective use of it. Remember "One People, One Fuehrer, One Reich"? No, I am not saying that Obama (or Bush) is like the Nazis and Communists. Far from it. However, the Nazi and communist examples do dramatically illustrate how unity doesn't have any intrinsic value. The achievement of national unity made these regimes even worse than they would have been otherwise, not better.
Full post HERE.

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Thursday, February 07, 2008

McCain for President: Or we're really screwed

Now that Mitt Romney has dropped out, it's time to bite the bullet. Confederate Yankee opines:
I don't like John McCain. He is no better than my third-place choice for President, and I cannot drum up any enthusiasm to vote for him in November.

But I will.


I don't like John McCain, but I will vote for him. I won't stay home in protest. I won't write in another candidate, either. This election is too important for that.

The eventual Democratic nominee, whether it is inexperienced committed socialist Barack Obama, the most liberal voter in the Senate, or the woman of a thousand scandals, Hillary Clinton, who preemptively declared that any report of good news coming out of Iraq would be a lie, is unacceptable as President. Both promise higher taxes, a far more intrusive and meddling federal government, and defeat in the war against Islamic extremism. This is the actuality of the "change" they refuse to clarify in their vacuous campaign speeches.
Read the whole thing.


Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Con Law I

(2008-02-05) — The District of Columbia this week banned all public gatherings not organized, funded and run by the government. In prohibiting all privately-organized rallies, protests, church and club meetings, the District used the same reasoning that moved it to ban private handgun ownership.

The Supreme Court on March 18 will hear a case (District of Columbia v. Heller) challenging the D.C. handgun ban, which was struck down as unconstitutional by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. Lawyers for the District will claim that “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” is restricted to government-sanctioned people, like those in the National Guard, because of the amendment’s preamble, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State…”

“Just as the Second Amendment applies only to government agents,” said an unnamed District spokesman, “so it should be logically inferred that the ‘peaceable assembly’ clause in the First Amendment applies only to government-sanctioned gatherings. Why would the Constitution ban private handgun ownership without also clamping down on potentially-incendiary public meetings? Both are clear and present dangers to the government.”

The move comes as part of an ongoing process by Washington D.C. officials to institute “a fresh understanding of the U.S. Constitution not constrained by individualistic interpretations.”

“When you hear the phrase ‘We the people…’,” the official said, “you need to realize that it means a select group of people who have the power and right to dispense liberty in reasonable doses for the good of all those other people. If the founders who wrote the Bill of Rights meant something else, it’s incumbent upon us to correct their misunderstanding.”

The District will hold an official public rally next Thursday to celebrate the new ban.

From Scott Ott.

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What a Relief!

I suffer from imposter syndrome. Any minute now, the grownups are going to arrive, chuckle at my childish opinions and efforts, and take over. So I've been hesitant to suggest that Barack Obama's candidacy might actually be an enormous joke.

I've looked at his resume, and it's just plain silly. I've listened to him speak, and he can't possibly be serious. He sounds like he's running for president of the Student Government Association, promising progress, progressive action, change, and leadership. All that's missing is the assurance of no classes before 10:00 a.m., and beer vending machines on every other floor.

John Hinderaker apparently agrees: "Barack Obama is his usual self. It's hard to tell sometimes whether he actually thinks he is saying something coherent, or whether he is delivering a parody of a gasbag politician. Time will tell, I guess; at some point, he's going to have to come through with more substance."

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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

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Brave New World

One can hardly imagine a more inoffensive, community-minded activity than donating blood. Help your fellow man, feel good about yourself.

So: What is it about your average, run-of-the-mill blood drive that might get it banned on a college campus? It's discriminatory, you moron. Because they screen for certain politically-protected fatal diseases. Go figure. Story HERE.


These Are The Good Old Days

In less than 12 months, today will have receded into the warm, fuzzy past when life was simpler. See, for example, the news story that includes this quotation: "All of this is President George Bush’s fault anyway." While it's often hard to know, we're pretty sure they're serious.

The question is whether, immediately after President Obama is sworn into office, everything bad will become his fault. Somehow we suspect not: Springtime will be Barack's doing, while Winter will be the consequence of years of mismanagement.

And, yes: we just may adopt THIS for our theme song as the campaign wears on.


Monday, February 04, 2008

Gathering Evidence May Be a Problem

Because our intrepid band of tireless surfers go to places you never knew existed, don't have time to search for, and don't want to get caught at work looking at:

"Middle School Issues Ban on Intentional Flatulence"

Clearly not intended to punish incidental or consequential flatulence. One wonders if bulletins will be issued to enforcement authorities so that they may coordinate their work with that of the cafeteria staff.

We think it also possible that different degrees of the offense may eventually be defined. Third Degree Flatulence, for example, may be the casual toot, of moderate duration, sounding in the tenor range. Second degree might entail either multiple emissions over a defined period, and/or sounding in the baritone. And, of course, First Degree Flatulence would be reserved for bass performances of at least five second duration.

Possibly the authorities are unaware that flatulence, intentional or otherwise, is always amusing.

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Just Kill Me Now

We're all familiar with the nutballs who think that 9-11 was an inside job. And their brethren who are convinced that the moon landings were filmed on a sound stage outside of Hoboken.

At the same time those of us who can both read and dress ourselves are periodically shocked to learn that most college graduates don't know who George Marshall was, have trouble with the chronologic order in which to put the Revolutionary War, the Civil War and World War I, and don't know who won the Wars of the Roses (Henry Tudor, you dolt).

The great humorist Jean Shepard explained that these were the two broad classes into which ignorance and idiocy divide themselves: aggressive and passive. The first, he explained, is the guy down at the end of the bar holding forth -- at great length and high volume -- that there's a guy who invented a carburetor that makes a car get 50 miles per gallon, and run on water. [Ed. - STFU, and ask your father what a carburetor was.] That's the actively ignorant fellow. But next to him, lapping it up, is some guy who stares, slack-jawed, and believes every word. The passively idiotic. He'd like to invest, too.

By their very nature these two species live in their own comfortable eco-system. They cannot survive apart.

But the two are very separate groups. One cannot be both actively ignorant (proclaiming the objectively ridiculous as fact), while simultaneously being passively idiotic (by soaking it all up).

What, then, is one to do with this article in The Daily Mail, reporting that one-in-four of Her Majesty's subjects don't believe Winston Churchill was real. It's not that they've never heard of him, mind you, it's that they know who he is supposed to have been, but they don't believe it.

We are speechless.

We tip our hat to our Manhattan Correspondent, who ought really to be paying more attention to business. Particularly in this market.

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Saturday, February 02, 2008

You Can't Always Get What You Want

The indispensible Peggy Noonan:
If you go by the Florida returns, maybe this year positions aren't everything. Republicans on the ground think the conservative is the one who suffered 5½ years in the Hanoi Hilton. Republicans on the ground think the conservative is the one who has endured a lifetime in the rounds in Washington and survived as antispending, antiabortion and pro-military. Republicans on the ground think the conservative is the old fighter jock who'll keep the country safe in a rocky time ahead. And maybe Republicans on the ground are saying: He earned it.


Mr. McCain seems to me to have two immediate problems, both of which he might address. One is that he doesn't seem to much like conservatives, and never has. They can't help admire him, but they've disagreed with him on so many issues, and when they bring this up his demeanor tends to morph into the second problem: He radiates, he telegraphs, a certain indignation at being questioned by people who've never had to vote in Congress and make a deal. He's like Moe Greene in "The Godfather," when Michael Corleone tells him he's going to buy him out. "Do you know who I am? I'm Moe Greene. I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders." I've been on the firing line, punk. I am the voice of surviving conservatism.

This doesn't always go over so well. Mr. Giuliani seems to know Mr. McCain is Moe Greene. Mr. Huckabee probably thought "The Godfather" was kinda violent. Mr. Romney may be thinking to himself, But Michael Corleone won in the end, and had better suits.


Friday, February 01, 2008

"The SkyNet funding bill is passed . . .

"The system goes online on August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. SkyNet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14am Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.

And Skynet fights back."

More (including a predictable denial) HERE.