Who Are Those Four Guys on Horses?

Just kill me now. Wallypop Family Wipes.

Uh Oh

Dissent is the Highest Form of Patriotism

Get your own from the Tennessee Republicans.

Most Kids Are Going to Turn Into Mutants Themselves

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing
Children For The Apocalypse?

When in Doubt . . . Send a Jesuit

"Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, 'Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?'

But when Jesus heard this, He said, 'It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire compassion, and not sacrifice, for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'"

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Turning to Religion - Jim Martin

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Funny Political News

Christian Bale Parody
Joke of the Day

Corporate Oversight

Offense Offensive

Having offended black people, or chimps, or Nancy Pelosi, or Al Sharpton or some damn thing earlier this week (find it yourself, it's only a few posts down), the G&S Ombudsman observed that it's been some time since we offended crazed Islamist nutjobs.

Offending ridiculous crazy people is becoming a full-time job. Parody has become policy. What do you do if your kid screws around with fireworks, and burns himself? Simple: Give him a can of gasoline, a blowtorch, and a butane lighter. "That's crazy," right? Nahhhh. That's national policy. Being a jackass, you borrowed far more money that you can repay? No problem, we'll give you more.

But I digress, as our purpose is not to make fun of the current administration, but instead to piss off . . . . wait . . . I wrote it down . . . oh yes, crazed Islamist nutjobs. A task we've subcontracted.

Herewith, Steven Crowder:

What's Wrong With This Picture?

There's a criminal shown in this clip. See if you can pick him out:

Give up? More HERE.

Oh the Humanity!

As regular readers know, our editorial staff works long hours, and takes great pains, in order to offend as often as possible. Herewith, then, an editorial cartoon described as follows by the Associated Press:

This cartoon image provided by the New York Post appeared in the Post's Page Six Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2009. The cartoon, which refers to Travis the chimp, who was shot to death by police in Stamford, Conn. on Monday after it mauled a friend of its owner, drew criticism Wednesday on media Web sites and from civil rights activist the Rev. Al Sharpton.

That's good enough for us.

Hard Times (Personal Stories)

"The businessman was going to lay off four of his five mistresses due to financial troubles," the paper said. "The women were allowed to vie for the remaining position by competing on their looks, their singing and speaking and their ability to drink alcohol."

Story HERE.

Frankie Valli

. . . and The Four Seasons (1967):

. . . and The Sopranos (2005) ("Rusty"):

A Meal to Die For

h/t to Uncle Michael

"No Real Cat Was Harmed in the Making of This Video"

It's 8 degrees this morning in Bismarck (-3 with the wind-chill). By mid-week, the high for the day is expected to be a refreshing +7. Cause and effect are tricky things. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

Miss Julie dissects a cat:

It's a Muslim Thing, You Wouldn't Understand

"The couple in happier times, before Hassan removed his wife’s head."

And Mark Steyn wonders:

Just asking, but are beheadings common in western New York? I used to spend a lot of time in that neck of the woods and I don't remember decapitation as a routine form of murder. Yet the killing of Aasiya Hassan seems to have elicited a very muted response.

Without Chemicals, Life Itself Would Be Unbearable

Welcome to the Obamateur Hour

The indispensable Mark Steyn:

It suggests a perverse kind of genius that the 44th president did not wait for a single “event” to throw him off course. Instead he threw himself off: “Is Obama tanking already?” (Congressional Quarterly); “Has Barack Obama’s presidency already failed?” (the Financial Times). Whether or not it’s “already” failed or tanked, the monthly magazines still gazing out from their newsstands with their glossy inaugural covers of a smiling Barack and Michelle waltzing on the audacity of hope seem like musty historical artifacts from a lost age. The ship didn’t need to hit an iceberg; it stalled halfway down the slipway. This is still the phase before “events” come into play, when an incoming president has nothing to get in the way of his judgment and executive competence. President Obama chose to nominate Tim “Indispensable” Geithner and Tom “Home, James!” Daschle, men whose enthusiasm for the size of the federal budget is in inverse proportion to their urge to contribute to it. He chose to nominate as commerce secretary first the scandal-afflicted Bill Richardson and then the freakishly scandal-free Judd Gregg, and wound up losing both.

To be sure, the present state of the economy is an “event,” and has blown many governments around the world off course. But again: The hideous drooling blob of toxic pustules dignified as “stimulus” is something the incoming Obama had months to prepare for, with oodles of bipartisan goodwill and fawning press coverage to waft him along. Instead he chose to outsource it to Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, and the rest of the congressional pork barons. So that too is not an “event” but merely, like his cabinet picks, a matter of judgment and executive competence.

Mark 1:40-45

And there came a leper to Him, beseeching Him, and kneeling down said to Him: "If Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean."

And Jesus having compassion on him, stretched forth His hand; and touching him, saith to him: "I will. Be thou made clean." And when He had spoken, immediately the leprosy departed from him, and he was made clean.

And He strictly charged him, and forthwith sent him away. And He saith to him: "See thou tell no one; but go, show thyself to the high priest, and offer for thy cleansing the things that Moses commanded, for a testimony to them."

But he being gone out, began to publish and to blaze abroad the word: so that He could not openly go into the city, but was without in desert places: and they flocked to Him from all sides.

Caturday

At War With the Word

If one were to write a political history of Montana, it might well be possible to do so without using the words "Virgin Birth," "Resurrection," or "Evangelism." It would be considerably more difficult to omit those words from a history of, say, the United States. What, for example, would one do about Jonathan Edwards, or the settlement of Mary-land?

Now imagine you've assembled a four-volume "Encyclopedia of Christian Civilization." Omission of those words wouldn't make the task merely impossible, the result would be completely incoherent.

We are apparently mistaken, however:

Wiley-Blackwell, a major academic press, was set to release its four-volume Encyclopedia of Christian Civilization this month. According to the encyclopedia’s editor, George Thomas Kurian, the set had been copy-edited, fact-checked, proofread, publisher-approved, printed, bound, and formally launched (to high praise) at the recent American Academy of Religion/Society of Biblical Literature conference. But protests from a small group of scholars associated with the project have led the press to postpone publication, recall all copies already distributed, and destroy the existing print run. The scholars’ complaint? The Encyclopedia of Christian Civilization, they have reportedly argued, is “too Christian.” “They also object to historical references to the persecution and massacres of Christians by Muslims,” Kurian says, “but at the same time want references favorable to Islam.”

[snip]

The memo also claims that the “words or passages [the critics] want deleted” include “Antichrist,” “BC/AD (as chronological markers),” “Virgin Birth,” “Resurrection,” and “Evangelism.” “To make the treatment ‘more balanced,’” the memo says, the critics “also want the insertion of material denigrating Christianity in some form or fashion.”

Oh my. The use of B.C. and A.D. could certainly be avoided with a little editing. Luther's 95 Theses, for example, could simply be described as having been posted in MMCCLXX A.U.C. The others would be more difficult.

More HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.

The Anxiety of Privilege or, How to Economize With Caviar on a Filet Mignon Budget

Caviar Melt? Sirloin Helper? Boo Fucking Hoo.

A Glib & Superficial Stimulus Plan?

Valentine's Day Tutorial

Twenty-four hours, girls, and the big day will be upon us. Fortuitously, this year Valentine's Day falls on Saturday, so there's no excuse to be home tomorrow night.

Always seeking the opportunity to be of assistance, we provide the following tutorial to help you get ready for the Big Night:

You're welcome.

Gilding the Lily

THIS is stupid. Just sayin'.

Theoretical Mathematics

Numbers in the news:

PALO ALTO, CA - An international mathematics research team announced today that they had discovered a new integer that surpasses any previously known value "by a totally mindblowing shitload." Project director Yujin Xiao of Stanford University said the theoretical number, dubbed a "stimulus," could lead to breakthroughs in fields as diverse as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, and Chicago asphalt contracting.

"Unlike previous large numbers like the Googleplex or the Bazillionty, the Stimulus has no static numerical definition," said Xiao. "It keeps growing and growing, compounding factorially, eating up all zeros in its path. It moves freely across Cartesian dimensions and has the power to make any other number irrational."

They Told Me . . .

. . . that if I voted against B. Obama, people suspected of terrorism would be held indefinitely, without charges, without trial, by the evil, bloodthirsty Government of the United States.

And they were right!

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Coming May 13, available now for pre-order at Amazon.com.

Once Upon a Time

That is, in 1981:

I Know I Feel Better

The "economic stimulus" bill floating around on Capitol Hill includes $198 million to compensate Filipino veterans who fought in World War II, $2 million to train Native Americans to become plumbers and pipefitters, $150 million for renovations to the Smithsonian Institution, and $3.26 billion for the Western Area Power Administration.

Are We Good?

Real headline from the Daily Mail:

Chinese TV Station Sorry for Accidentally
Burning Down Brand-new Luxury Hotel

Financial Planning 101

Nothing Says "I Love You" . . . .

. . . quite like Bacon.

Everything Old is New Again

In May, 1939, Secretary of the Treasury Henry Morgenthau wrote in his diary:

We have tried spending money. We are spending more than we have ever spent before and it does not work. And I have just one interest, and now if I am wrong somebody else can have my job. I want to see this country prosper. I want to see people get a job. I want to see people get enough to eat. We have never made good on our promises. I say after eight years of this administration, we have just as much unemployment as when we started. And enormous debt to boot.

Change you can believe in.

The Truth Will Set You Free II

Don't get me started on the ignorant, unctuous, and credulous Phil Donahue.

One of the advantages of Truth over posturing, rhetorical flourish, and lies is that it's always true. And so the thoughts of Milton Friedman, 30 years ago, remain true today:

The Truth Will Set You Free

We're beginning to detect a collateral phenomenon generated by the New Dawn ascendancy of the radical wing of the Democrat party: now that they're firmly in the driver's seat, some of them feel free finally to speak the truth. These tidbits of honesty are no surprise to those of us who have long since been making cryptic maps of where we've buried the Krugerrands. But we suspect that the naked contempt for ordinary people will eventually persuade Americans to seek leaders, rather than masters.

Case in point: John "I married another guy's money" Kerry opining on the ineffectiveness of tax cuts:

I've supported many tax cuts over the years, and there are tax cuts in this proposal. But a tax cut is non-targeted.

If you put a tax cut into the hands of a business or family, there's no guarantee that they're going to invest that or invest it in America.

They're free to go invest anywhere that they want if they choose to invest.

Over at The Weekly Standard, the adorable Mary Katharine Ham observes:

Indeed, people with their own hard-earned money in their own pockets are free to spend, save, invest, or not wherever they please. Kerry betrays the fear that haunts every good liberal— that the American people won't spend their money on exactly what good liberals would spend it on. Good liberals must, therefore, advocate for forcibly relieving the American people of the better part of a trillion dollars of their own money to fund things like STD education, welfare programs, and water parks.

Just so.

All The News That's WHAT?!

Special from Judith Warner at The New York Times.

Yuck:

The other night I dreamt of Barack Obama. He was taking a shower right when I needed to get into the bathroom to shave my legs, and then he was being yelled at by my husband, Max, for smoking in the house. It was not clear whether Max was feeling protective of the president’s health or jealous because of the cigarette.

[snip]

Many women — not too surprisingly — were dreaming about sex with the president. In these dreams, the women replaced Michelle with greater or lesser guilt or, in the case of a 62-year-old woman in North Florida, whose dream was reported to me by her daughter, found a fully above-board solution: “Michelle had divorced Barack because he had become ‘too much of a star.’ He then married my mother, who was oh so proud to be the first lady,” the daughter wrote me.

Read the whole thing, but take care not to do so while enjoying a beverage -- you'll find yourself beset by the whole coffee out of your nose thing. And don't miss the comments.

Tuesday, January 20, 12:01 p.m.

Shortly after noon on January 20, three young men wearing vintage Robert Hall suits, white shirts, narrow ties and wingtips arrived to interview your humble and obedient servant. Only one spoke, and he looked somewhat familiar.

"Do you know why I pulled you over today sir?"
"Do you know why we're here today, sir?"

"No," I said, though I knew very well why they were here.

"Supr . . that is, 'President Obama' has signed an Executive Order reinstating the Fairness Doctrine, and extending it to all electronic communications."

"I didn't know that," I responded, lying.

"Electrons Belong to the People," he intoned and, as he said it, all three snapped to attention, and gave a sort of salute. Their lapels glinted with reflected light, the polyester suffering from too many clumsy ironings.

"We're here to take you into custody, for your own good. You have been guilty of publishing material injurious to the mood and contentment of the American People." he said, reaching into his jacket pocket.

"Don't tase me, Bro!" I shrieked, but it was too late.

I woke up in a reeducation camp in Venezuela. I will save you, my friends, from a full description of the weeks of brainwashing, torture, indoctrination and penmanship lessons. Perhaps the worst episode involved my being required to watch films of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank and other New Dawn leaders.

I shiver even now. But eventually I escaped, and found that a sort of Underground Railroad, manned mostly by Catholic priests, had been established. And so I made my way, from church to church, to my present location. You may wonder where I am, but will understand that security prevents me from revealing it. Given the cultural ignorance of the New Dawn regime, I feel free to give a hint: Wolfman Jack. I have tapped into the Internet in much the same way as The Wolfman operated in the glory days of pirate radio.

The major banks have been nationalized, the American auto industry is not far behind. Now, a "stimulus bill" is about to be passed and presented to the Maximum Leader for his imprimatur. Fortunately, some dissenters have yet to be silenced.

We're back. Bowed but unbroken. Buy gold. Stockpile water, spam, Vienna sausages, and those little butter cookies.

Never surrender.

Peace Out!