This Guy's Walking Down The Sidewalk, See, and then . . . . .

It's Towel Day

We wish you a happy Towel Day, and hope you have yours near at hand.

These Werewolves Are Looking for You

"True Blood," season 3:

It's a Good Thing We Have a Sense of Humor

Every Relationship Requires Compromise

Sex Lives of Supreme Court Justices

Cute:

Speculation is already rampant about why Scalia chose nine children over a more conventional lifestyle. Is he a sex maniac? That suspicion naturally arises. But perhaps once he started, he just never got around to stopping. Or maybe he just likes children. In recent days, Scalia’s friends have rushed to his defense, going out of their way to portray him as a model of sexual restraint. "Every Friday a bunch of us used to go down to this bar to pick up women," one of his college roommates recalls. "We’d always ask Nino if he wanted to join us, but he always said he was too busy studying. Frankly, we thought he was gay."

The Terrorists Have Won

Well, at least some people think so. We think considerably more research is necessary, particularly the careful review of photo intel.

Ethnic Profiling

Happy 5th Birthday, YouTube!

More HERE.

How You Likin' That Now?

You Think So?

Disturbing.

Stormhammer Deathclaw Firebrand

That's all: Stormhammer Deathclaw Firebrand.

Who the Heck is "Bryce Harper"?

According to The New York Times, he's "Baseball's Next Sure Thing":

Baseball scouts can have the bowed perspective of an Escher print, but most insist they have seen no player this good this soon. As far as they are concerned, Harper is a tape-measure-testing, laser-throwing, eyeblack-oozing baseball cyborg.

“I don’t like to put labels on kids like they’re the best this or the best that, but with this kid, I don’t think we have much choice,” said one veteran scout who watched Harper play Thursday for College of Southern Nevada, a junior college just outside his home of Las Vegas.

Speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss his evaluations, the scout added: “I honestly don’t think we’ve seen anything like him in my 30 years doing this. He’s that good.”

A catcher and occasional outfielder whose 6-foot-3, 205-pound frame is still filling out, Harper already holds the draft record for hype: Sports Illustrated put him on its cover last year as a high school sophomore, and videos of his left-handed bombs are mushrooming across YouTube.

For a teenager, Harper has been tested in an unprecedented way. Many sluggers of his age have lost their power after trading their aluminum bat for wood. The former Yankees phenom Drew Henson is a good example. But Harper has assuaged those concerns through a maneuver never tried before.

After hitting .626 with 14 home runs last spring and winning Baseball America’s high school player of the year award — no junior had ever been so honored, let alone a sophomore — Harper completed his general-equivalency diploma so he could be drafted a year early. He also enrolled at Southern Nevada so he could play in a wood-bat league.

It will be interesting to see what happens at the MLB amateur draft on June 7. Let me just take a moment and look that up, yeah, it's right here someplace -- who has the first pick? Wait. I'll find it in a sec. Oh! I remember now: the Washington Nationals!

With a tip of our rally cap to MightyMatt.

This is the Way the World Ends II

Just Sayin' . . .

We know that it's only May 15, and that the Major League Baseball regular season doesn't end until the first week of October.

We know that the season consists of 162 games, and that only about 35 -- roughly one-fifth -- of those games have been played.

We know that, in the next four-and-a-half months, players will be injured, batters will have slumps, pitchers arms will fall off, balls will hit the edge of second base and carom into left field for game-winning hits, shortstops will throw the ball into the dugout, and umpires will make game-changing calls shown to be wrong by super-slo-mo.

We know all that.  Really, we do.

Nevertheless.

Had the season ended yesterday the San Diego Padres would host the Washington Nationals in the first game of the Divisional Playoffs.

There. We said it. We think it needed saying.

Luceee! You Got Some 'Splainin to Do!

This is the Way the World Ends

Hope & Change

The Honorable Chris Christie, Governor of the State of New Jersey ("I came here to govern, not to worry about re-election."):

Why to Hang With Conservatives

Because lefties and Democrats have no sense of humor, and are incapable of being funny, except by accident. Exhibit A, this advertisement by the Pennsylvania Department of Revenue, which tries in vain to squeeze amusement from "hey, buddy, it'd be a shame if anything bad happened to that nice little wife and kid of yours":

Exhibit B, this advertisement by the RNC attacking Mark Critz, who is running in a special Congressional election, seeking to ascend to the seat held by his deceased boss, the corrupt John Murtha:

Now that's funny.

If Only There Were a Non-Racist Answer

National Review Online's Andy McCarthy asks:

How could the Attorney General of the United States malign a state law as raising profound constitutional questions, imply that the lawmakers who drafted it are racists, and direct a Justice Department review of the law without having read the law?

Remember the Alamo

Julian Castro is the mayor of San Antonio. His mother, Rosie, remembers the Alamo:

"They used to take us there when we were school children," Perez told the Times. "They told us how glorious that battle was. When I grew up, I learned that the 'heroes' of the Alamo were a bunch of drunks and crooks and slaveholding imperialists who conquered land that didn't belong to them. But as a little girl I got the message (that) we were losers. I can truly say that I hate that place and everything it stands for."

Oddly, Rosie did not continue her analysis of history, apologize to the Aztecs on behalf of her people, and suggest reinstatement of the rightful heir of Montezuma. A little education is a dangerous thing.

Japanese Popular Culture -- We Want Some

There's a movie, as well, coming soon to a theater near you:

And It's About Damned Time!

"While previous studies have examined the dangers of collisions with large robots, this is believed to be the first to examine the dangers of slashing injuries."

It's worth the trip just to watch the creepy video. More video on this topic:

R.I.P Frank Frazetta

From today's New York Times:

Frank Frazetta, an illustrator of comic books, movie posters and paperback book covers whose visions of musclebound men fighting with swords and axes to defend scantily dressed women helped define fantasy heroes like Conan, Tarzan and John Carter of Mars, died on Monday in Fort Myers, Fla. He was 82.

The cause was complications from a stroke, said Rob Pistella and Stephen Ferzoco, Mr. Frazetta’s business managers.

Mr. Frazetta was a versatile and prolific comic book artist who, in the 1940s and ’50s, drew for comic strips like Al Capp’s “Lil’ Abner” and comic books like “Famous Funnies,” for which he contributed a series of covers depicting the futuristic adventurer Buck Rogers.

[snip]

His most prominent work, however, was on the cover of book jackets, where his signature images were of strikingly fierce, hard-bodied heroes and bosomy, callipygian damsels in distress. In 1966, his cover of “Conan the Adventurer,” a collection of four fantasy short stories written by Robert E. Howard and L. Sprague de Camp, depicted a brawny long-haired warrior standing in repose on top of a pile of skeletons and other detritus, his sword thrust downward into the mound, an apparently naked young woman lying at his feet, hugging his ankle.

Drive your enemies before you, Frank, and hear the lamentations of their women.

Always Wait Until the Check Clears

How Rich is Too Rich

The President of the United States recently explained that, in his view, it's possible for a person to make too much money. Which leads us to the question of whether a nation or society can be too rich and, if so, how one might measure that.

We have no comprehensive or easily applied rule, but we know it when we see it. What should be done if your college campus is overrun by feral bunnies? One solution: trap them, and perform vasectomies on the males.

Yes. We agree that the newsreader is way cute.

Not Lost in Translation

Stand by Your Man

"However, his girlfriend, fueled by Grey Goose, apparently believed she might be bulletproof . . . ."

We know that God would have forgiven him

Sister Mary Martha ("Life is tough. But Nuns are tougher") opines:

There were Twelve Apostles, as we all know. Then Judas removed himself.

It just occurred to me as I wrote that, Judas is a very good metaphor for how a person ends up in Hell. The Catholic Church maintains that God doesn't put anyone in Hell, you go there. God always loves you and forgives you, no matter what. But when you aren't sorry for your sins you have removed yourself from God.

And that's just exactly what Judas did. He did a terrible thing and removed himself. He crawled away. He was very sorry. But then he did another terrible thing and killed himself. God didn't do any of that to him. He did it all himself. That's the nature of sin. As a result, there is a good chance that Judas is in Hell. But we actually don't know that for sure. At the last second, when he kicked the stool out from under himself, he might have thought, "Wait! I shouldn't have done that! I take it back! I'm so sorry!"

It could have happened. We know that God would have forgiven him.

When is Burning the Flag . . . . .

. . . . NOT a form of speech protected under the First Amendment to the Constitution?

Oh, come, come. You know the answer. Moreover, you KNOW you know the answer. Unless you've been hiding under a rock, then you know that last week four American school children were suspended from their Government-run school for wearing tee-shirts with images of the American flag. They "offended" students who would apparently rather live in Mexico.

So the obvious answer to our question must be: when it's the Mexican flag that you're burning, of course.

Just so there's no confusion, this is intolerable hate speech:

This, on the other hand, is the highest form of patriotism:

I hope we've cleared that up.

And, speaking of Mexico, we thought this might help:

View Larger Map

Papers, Please

Your humble and obedient servant is proud to live in the Commonwealth of Virginia. The Commonwealth, using funds collected from its citizens via its sovereign power to tax, has constructed a very great number of roads throughout Virginia. It has also established a comprehensive system of regulating the use of those roads, and licensing persons to drive on them. Violation of those regulations can lead to anything from a small fine to incarceration. Persons using those roads are required to carry documentation establishing that they have been properly licensed, and that the vehicle they are operating has been registered with the state.

From time to time, while using the roads of the Commonwealth of Virginia, I have been required to produce my papers. In each instance, the person making the request has been very tall, carried a gun, and wore a uniform and really cool sunglasses. In no such instance did it occur to me that the request was unreasonable, nor did I consider failing to comply.

Which leads me to the conclusion that there must be something fundamental that I'm missing in the immigration "debate," and in the widespread hysteria exhibited at the decision by the State of Arizona to ask people to produce documentation to show that they are legally present in the United States.

Maybe I'm just stupid.

Girls Are Not Boys

From Doghouse Diaries.

Google Maps: Unintended Consequences

If This Doesn't Make You Smile . . . . .

. . . . then I'll pray for you!

We Feel a Touch of Glaucoma Coming On

Just in time.

Flawed Business Plan

It seems that in a month or so, "Cupidtino" (you know, like "Cupertino" (Apple's headquarters) and "Cupid" (like in the little chubby angel whose little pointy-things pierce your heart, sentencing you to a life of handing over the paycheck to "Faye")) is set to launch. Since we can't make this stuff up, we'll just quote their pre-opening banner:

Cupidtino is a beautiful new dating site created for fans of Apple products by fans of Apple products! Why? Diehard Mac & Apple fans often have a lot in common – personalities, creative professions, a similar sense of style and aesthetics, taste, and of course a love for technology. We believe these are enough reasons for two people to meet and fall in love, and so we created the first Mac-inspired dating site to help you find other Machearts around you.

Cupidtino will launch in June 2010 exclusively on Apple platforms – Safari, iPhone and iPad apps. It’s time to share the love.

While we applaud any effort to extend new technology to applications other than pornography, we wonder if the boffins behind this site are aware that "dating" requires at least one of the participants to actually be a girl. Not the avatar of a "girl," or the screen icon of a "girl," or a computer-generated "girl," or a Level 31 Paladin-Mage "girl," but an actual flesh-and-blood girl.

This, for example, is a girl:

This message has been presented as a public service to Apple Fanboys everywhere: forget it.

Watch List Works With Times Square Bombing Suspect

They watched him buy a one-way ticket to the United Arab Emirates, they watched him pay with cash, they watched him walk through security, they watched him sit in the boarding lounge, and they watched him get on the plane.

Sigh . . . .

Best. Sketch. Ever.

I Lit a Candle For You

"To commemorate the 18th annual celebration of National Hamburger Month, White Castle has teamed up with Laura Slatkin, often called the "queen" of home fragrances, to introduce a candle with the steam-grilled-on-a-bed-of-onions scent of America's first fast-food hamburger. Packaged in a ceramic holder that reproduces the signature cardboard sleeve of the White Castle Slyder."

Imagine what it must smell like near the candle factory. You can order one ($10 each) right HERE. Ms. Slatkin has indeed made her mark on the scented-candle world, although we thought that her Wasabi Pear had a distinctly Bartlett aftertaste.

We Want One

Zombie Awareness Month

The Zombie Research Society reminds us that May is Zombie Awareness Month:

Supporters of Zombie Awareness Month wear a gray ribbon to signify the undead shadows that lurk behind our modern light of day. From May 1 through May 31, Zombie Research Society Members and friends take this small step to acknowledge the coming danger.

It's easy to become complacent and ignore the impending zombie apocalypse, just as prior generations dismissed the scourge of pet rocks, chia pets, and little yappy dogs as fashion accessories for disease-ridden skanks. And it's just as easy to adopt an attitude of fatalistic inevitability: when they come to eat my brain, what can I really do? Neither of these attitudes is helpful.

Educate yourself and your family; acquire a shotgun and a limited supply of extremely loud ammunition that will run out just as your gardener's corpse begins gnawing on your daughter. Lay in an inadequate supply of wooden planks that can be criss-crossed over your windows and doors, delaying the front-yard horde until the back-yard contingent discovers your unlocked kitchen door. And remain vigilant: when your wife rolls over at 3:00 a.m., throws her leg across your hips and begins nibbling at your ear, really -- what are the chances that you're going to get lucky? She's going for your brain, man. She's going for your brain.

"It's Still a Sin."

The London Daily Telegraph reports:

Dale McAlpine was charged with causing “harassment, alarm or distress” after a homosexual police community support officer (PCSO) overheard him reciting a number of “sins” referred to in the Bible, including blasphemy, drunkenness and same sex relationships.

The 42-year-old Baptist, who has preached Christianity in Wokington, Cumbria for years, said he did not mention homosexuality while delivering a sermon from the top of a stepladder, but admitted telling a passing shopper that he believed it went against the word of God.

Police officers are alleging that he made the remark in a voice loud enough to be overheard by others and have charged him with using abusive or insulting language, contrary to the Public Order Act.