"The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."


Glenn Reynolds:

Barack Obama:
"Impossible to transcend."

Albert A. Gore, Jr.:
"An incontinent brute."

Rev. Jeremiah Wright:
"God damn the Gentleman Farmer."

Friends of GF's Sons:
"Is that really your dad?"

Kickball Girl:
"Keeping 'em alive until 7:45."

Hired Hand:
"I think . . . we forgot the pheasant."

I'm an
Alcoholic Yeti
in the
TTLB Ecosystem

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Prime Wife Material

This article in Forbes, "Don't Marry Career Women," has provoked an entirely predictable rustle of comment and complaint, with the usual suspects aghast at blatant sexism, while others express extreme aghast-ness at the aghast-ness of the usual suspects.

[Editors Note -- Now that Warren Jeffs is in custody, shouldn't that be "Don't Marry A Career Woman?"]

The thrust of the article is that such women are too something, and not enough something else, to make good wives. Or something.

In any event, we find that we are not surprised in the least that Miss Julie has a somewhat different take:
I never knew I was so desirable. My complete apathy for climbing any corporate ladder, for pushing papers and wearing panty hose, for having the same job title for years on end has made me, evidently, prime wife material. My loathing for a regular, full-time nine-to-five job day in and day out is now a draw. Who knew the ability to grow bored with a job within five days was so vital to getting married? Clearly I'm on the path to all kinds of success, though not in the realm of careers.

A few days ago I was talking with Naomi in the yard. She had just finished cleaning out some grain bins (was filthy) and I had spent nearly seven hours (no kidding) mowing all of the lawn (was filthy, too). We were not looking like model material at that moment, though, our lack of careers allowing us to do such handy work about the farm, evidently made us wife material.

I took in her dirty face and clothes, she taking in mine. "I can't understand why we're still single," I said, joking.

"Me neither," she said. "We're hard workers."

Hands Off My Tomatoes, Al!

From today's Washington Post (our italics):
Where's the Beefsteak?
Searing Summer Heat Stresses Tomato Plants

Is it getting tougher to raise a decent tomato?

Many backyard tomato growers are reporting a particularly poor showing this year, with scrawny, diseased vines and pathetic harvests.

Megan Gardner, a Virginia Cooperative Extension horticulturist and tomato troubleshooter, has heard two telling comments in her travels in Virginia's Middle Peninsula: Folks complain "that nobody has offered them extra tomatoes this year," she said. "When those who have extra tomatoes gave them away, everyone took them."

Tomatoes fail for a host of reasons, some in the gardener's control, others not. One theory is that high heat and related tomato stress this summer are another product of global warming.
Another theory is that the old lady next door, a well-known witch, tried to hex our cat, missed, and hit the Better Boys by mistake. Then there are those who hold with the Zionist Tomato Ray theory.

We ourselves have enjoyed a bountiful crop of excellent tomatoes, perhaps by planting them at a safe distance from the Algore Greenhouse Gasbag Machine.

A Thousand Words

Via Moonbattery comes this picture from yesterday's "Death to Israel" rally in Salt Lake City:

"Ugly Women?" Talk about ill-informed. Even a little bit of research (or personal experience) might have led them to this:

And those are soldiers, for goodness sake.

At the same event was this guy, who appears to have shown up at the wrong rally, but is probably really popular at parties:

Maybe he's carrying an Israeli baby, implanted in his uterus via sneaky Zionist magic rays. That would explain a lot.

I Knew It!

The Department of Homeland Security announced on Tuesday that U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) special agents had arrested 15 aliens in Roswell, New Mexico. What is even more alarming is that they were apparently working -- undetected -- for a defense contractor.

One would have thought that the great big eyes and 12-inch fingers might have given them away, but apparently not.

But maybe that's just what they want us to believe.

Fox Mulder, please call your office.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


by Scott Adams

Those Diabolical Bastards!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Of Course

The Miss World contest will be in Warsaw this year. That city uses as a symbol a bare-breasted mermaid holding a sword and shield.

Rafal Olbinski is the Polish artist responsible for this promotional poster. His original design -- which did not include the white "Miss World" banner -- was modified at the request of local officials, who explained that there is "no doubt that Olbinski's original version was strongly erotic and we did not want to attach such aspect to the Miss World contest."

All right, then.

Story HERE.

August 29, 1966

The Beatles played their last live show in North America at Candlestick Park, right here in San Francisco. The set-list:

1. Rock and Roll Music
2. She's A Woman
3. If I Needed Someone
4. Day Tripper
5. Baby's In Black
6. I Feel Fine
7. Yesterday
8. I Wanna Be Your Man
9. Nowhere Man
10. Paperback Writer
11. Long Tall Sally

Tickets were between $3.80 and $7, and the show was over by 10 p.m.

I'll Take "The Black Death" for $500, Alex

Apropos of nothing in particular – or of everything in general – we ask you to participate in the following poll. You may confide your answers to us, or hold them secretly in your heart. But we think that either way you should ponder them.

QUESTION 1: True or False – “I wish I had not been born in the United States in the latter half of the 20th Century.”

If you answered “TRUE” to Question 1, then go on to

QUESTION 2: Complete the following sentence – “I wish instead that I had been born in [NAME OF COUNTRY] in [YEAR OR CENTURY].”

You are not permitted to dictate your social, political or economic status. You must assume that you would have been born an average person for the time and place that you name. Neither may you select a future time, speculating that by then the Lord will have returned, or Howard Dean will have succeeded in creating Heaven on Earth.

You may begin.

[UPDATE] Edited as shown above. It's Hell to get old.

When Pandas Go Bad

Sad, but true. Video HERE.

Monday, August 28, 2006

G&S Loves YouTube, Misses Will Ferrell

"Oh, right, Margaret. You wanted prime rib. Here's the deal. The Palm wasn't taking reservations, and I didn't want to try Morton's, because I understand they have a new chef. So for now, let's just go with the Alpo, OK? I know it's not your first choice, but keep in mind - you're a f-cking dog."


It's George Bush's Fault

Twelve months ago we heard endlessly that Hurricane Katrina had been caused by global warming which, in turn, was somehow George Bush's fault. Here, for example, was how a column in the Boston Globe began last August 30:
THE HURRICANE that struck Louisiana yesterday was nicknamed Katrina by the National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming.
In fact, if you GOOGLE "Katrina" and "global warming," you'll get over 11 million hits.

We can't help but notice that, exactly one year later, neither hurricane nor tropical storm has made landfall in the United States, and we're only up to Tropical Storm Ernesto (that would be "E", the fifth letter of the alphabet), rather than Katrina (that would be "K", the eleventh letter). Eleven minus five equals approximately six.

So if it was Mr. Bush's fault that global warming caused Katrina last year, then it must certainly follow that . . . ? Will there be an editorial in the New York Times? We didn't think so.

In other hurricane news, we see that New Orleans City Council President Oliver Thomas was scheduled to appear yesterday with Chris Wallace on Fox News. He didn't make it. Wallace explained:
We promised you an interview with New Orleans City Council President Oliver Thomas, but he apparently overslept this morning. Not only did he not make it to our studio for this interview, but we also understand that he missed a briefing on Hurricane Ernesto this morning.
Repeat after me:

It's George Bush's fault.
It's George Bush's fault.
It's George Bush's fault.

Thank you for your attention.

Combat Deaths in North Philadelphia

On Saturday The Washington Post ran a column that performs a statistical analysis of combat deaths in Iraq. While any student of history knows that we've sustained astonishingly low casualties compared to prior wars, I've wondered how the death rate in Iraq compares to that of other places, such as the South Bronx, which are universally acknowledged to be calm, safe, civil communities firmly under the watchful eye of civilian authorities.

It turns out that you're safer in Iraq than in parts of Philadelphia:
Between March 21, 2003, when the first military death was recorded in Iraq, and March 31, 2006, there were 2,321 deaths among American troops in Iraq. Seventy-nine percent were a result of action by hostile forces. Troops spent a total of 592,002 "person-years" in Iraq during this period. The ratio of deaths to person-years, .00392, or 3.92 deaths per 1,000 person-years, is the death rate of military personnel in Iraq.

How does this rate compare with that in other groups? One meaningful comparison is to the civilian population of the United States. That rate was 8.42 per 1,000 in 2003, more than twice that for military personnel in Iraq.

The comparison is imperfect, of course, because a much higher fraction of the American population is elderly and subject to higher death rates from degenerative diseases. The death rate for U.S. men ages 18 to 39 in 2003 was 1.53 per 1,000 -- 39 percent of that of troops in Iraq. But one can also find something equivalent to combat conditions on home soil. The death rate for African American men ages 20 to 34 in Philadelphia was 4.37 per 1,000 in 2002, 11 percent higher than among troops in Iraq. Slightly more than half the Philadelphia deaths were homicides.
More HERE.

Lies, Damned Lies, and Scandinavian Girls

One of the things that everyone knows is that, in addition to producing tall, blonde women with the morals of alley cats, the Great Scandinavian Socialist Experiment provides a quality of life superior to that produced by the crass, grasping, capitalism run amok of, say, the United States. Sure, tax rates are ruinously high, but the poor (for example) are well cared for rather than being consigned to the outer darkness of poverty, disease and despair, as they are in the United States.

Not so much, it turns out.

James K. Glassman today takes a look at "The State of Working America," an annual report prepared by the Economic Policy Institute. That organization thinks it would be a great thing if America were a lot more like Europe in general, and Scandinavia, in particular.

Glassman points to this chart, intended by the EPI to show that there is an enormously greater disparity of incomes in the United States (click to enlarge):

He goes on to explain:
Now given all the adjustments that have been made to the figures this is actually showing us something very interesting indeed. The use of PPP means that we've adjusted for price differences, by using US median income as our measuring stick we've given ourselves a view of the actual incomes, not just the relative incomes, of the poor and the rich in each country.

How we're supposed to read this is that the USA has a very uneven income distribution, that the poorest 10% only get 39% of the median income, that the richest 10% get 210%. Compare and contrast that with the most egalitarian society amongst those studied, Finland, where the rich get 111% and the poor get 38%. Shown this undoubted fact we are therefore to don sackcloth and ashes, promise to do better and tax the heck out of everybody to rectify this appalling situation.

But hang on a minute, that's not quite what is being shown. In the USA the poor get 39% of the US median income and in Finland (and Sweden) the poor get 38% of the US median income. It's not worth quibbling over 1% so let's take it as read that the poor in America have exactly the same standard of living as the poor in Finland (and Sweden). Which is really a rather revealing number don't you think? All those punitive tax rates, all that redistribution, that blessed egalitarianism, the flatter distribution of income, leads to a change in the living standards of the poor of precisely ... nothing.
Read the whole thing HERE.

It's worth noting that the data on which the chart is based does not appear to include the value of transfer payments from the Government to those in the bottom 10th percentile. Glassman's point is therefore potentially smaller than it might at first appear to be. If one wishes to know whether the poor are, all things considered, better off in Finland than in the United States, one would need to know the value of food stamps, health care, welfare, social security and the like paid to these people by their respective governments.

Notwithstanding that objection, the data most certainly shows that while the rich in the United States earn more than their Swedish counterparts, the Finnish poor don't earn less. We thus see played out the normal consequence of socialism and central planning, whether applied to the economy or the public schools: "Equality" is achieved not by making everyone (more) wealthy, but by making everyone poor.

And those Swedish chicks are way too pale and skinny, too.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

This Guy Is More Messed Up Than We Thought, People

Harper's Bazaar will soon be reporting, as part of an excerpted memoir by a Sudanese novelist-cum-former bin Laden sex slave, that the world's most wanted mass murderer. . . wanted to kill Bobby Brown and take Whitney Houston as his bride.

I am not kidding.

Read up here.


In which Mark Steyn reviews Ann Coulter's book "Godless: The Church of Liberalism," and observes (correctly):
. . . the progressive mind regards it as backward and primitive to let religion determine every aspect of your life, but takes it as advanced and enlightened to have the state determine every aspect of your life. Lest you doubt the left's pieties are now a religion, try this experiment: go up to an environmental activist and say "Hey, how about that ozone hole closing up?" or "Wow! The global warming peaked in 1998 and it's been getting cooler for almost a decade. Isn't that great?" and then look at the faces. As with all millenarian doomsday cults, good news is a bummer.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

A Thousand Words

Here is your typical left-wing blogger, Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, founder of Daily Kos:

You may go HERE, on the other hand, to see your typical right-wing blogger, Bethany, from realVerse.

Yet another reason to become part of the Great Right-Wing Conspiracy.


And then there's conservative bikini v-blogging from the beach. Here's Pamela Atlas from Atlas Shrugs:

The Class of 2010

Beloit College has released its annual "Mindset List" for the class of 2010, which enters college any minute now. Most of those freshman -- including #3 Son -- were born in 1988. Beloit notes that, for them: Billy Carter, Lucille Ball, Gilda Radner, Billy Martin, Andy Gibb, and Secretariat have always been dead.

Here are my favorites from their list of 75 attributes:

2. They have known only two presidents.
3. For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.

7. They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.

11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.
12. Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.

18. They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.
19. "Google" has always been a verb.

23. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.
24. Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.

26. "Boogers" candy has always been a favorite for grossing out parents.

31. They grew up in mini-vans.
32. Reality shows have always been on television.

34. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."
35. Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.
36. They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.

40. Affluent troubled teens in Southern California have always been the subjects of television series.
41. They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.

53. They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.

56. They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."
57. Sara Lee has always made underwear.
58. Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.

61. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.
62. Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.

66. Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale.
67. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

74. Ringo Starr has always been clean and sober.
75. Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Try Shooting Them, Dumbass

When historians seek to place a precise date on the fall of Western Civilization, this story may persuade them that it was 2006:

The problem got so bad that residents Kari Hall and Tamara Keeton even started a Raccoon Watch after having an emotional neighborhood meeting attended by about 40 people.

"It was a place for people to mourn and cry," Hall said.

At the meeting, they encouraged people to stop feeding the raccoons. They also decided to keep their pets and pet food inside. And they decided to carry pepper spray to drive off raccoons that attack again.

Keeton and Pam Corwin have decided to have "cat coops" built so their pets can go outside and have some room to roam, with protection.

It's not just cats being attacked. Five raccoons actually ganged up on and carried off a little dog, who survived.

One thing that makes these raccoons scary is they have no fear. One neighbor threw firecrackers at them to try to scare them off, and it didn't even bug them, Hall said.

"It's a new breed," Keeton said. "They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid."

"There's one really big bad dude," she added.
It's no wonder Ned Lamont won the primary in Connecticut. It's no wonder Cindy Sheehan exists. Good God, man! We're dealing with people who think that a gang of raccoons have kidnapped their dog. Do they expect a prisoner exchange? Or are they now cowering in their basements, fearful that the little furry bastards will start lobbing Katyusha rockets at their Weber grills?


Our ancestors came here in wooden ships, some in the hold in chains, and hacked a nation out of the forest. And now we're terrorized by raccoons.

Via NRO.

What About Radioactive Fungi?

The Farmer's Wife emails:
State Farm [Insurance] has informed us that our death or dismemberment coverage now contains the following exclusions:

"nuclear reaction, radiation, or radioactive contamination from any source, or the accidental or intentional detonation of, or release of radiation from, any nuclear or radioactive device.


exposure to fungi...."

I could not make this stuff up.
Indeed. Do you suppose they learned something about our children before they made this amendment? Would it be wise for us to follow up?

Now We're Getting Somewhere

"After confessing last week to the brutal 1997 slaying of Jon Benet Ramsey, John Mark Karr was dragged away from the only place a man such as himself could obtain a teaching job in this economy. Doubts have been raised as to the authenticity of his confession, but whether he admits to the murder is irrelevant. The real criminal here is not Mr. Karr, but George W. Bush – or more specifically, his unapologetic policy of outsourcing all the transgendered pedophile teaching jobs to Thailand.

"In the so-called “Land of the Free”, males who voluntarily have their genitals cleaved off and undergo hormone treatment until they sprout unconvincing breasts are treated like freaks. But on the streets of Bangkok, you can throw a dead cat ten feet in any direction and 30 hungry people will pounce on it. According to statistics, twenty-seven of those people are in the process of some sort of sexual reassignment therapy."

From BlameBush!

But wait! It's hard to tell what's real and what's . . . whatever:
In the meantime, the only people happier than the cable "news anchors" must be Bush, Rove, Cheney and Rumsfeld. When you've basically screwed up the world, and you're headed into a heated anti-incumbent election, it must be a gift from heaven to have a story that, essentially, shuts down the delivery of news.
H.W. Fowler explained in Modern English Usage:
Irony is a form of utterance that postulates a double audience, consisting of one party that hearing shall hear and shall not understand, and another party that, when more is meant than meets the ear, is aware, both of that “more” and of the outsider’s incomprehension.
We receive rather frequent emails from the first group, and appreciate the continued attention of both of you others.


By Scott Adams, of course. Hat tip to Wally, who works just down the hall.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Submitted For Your Consideration

From Savage Chickens.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Keepin' it Real

Friday, August 18, 2006

August 18

Happy Hawaiian Shirt Statehood Day!

Must Read

"Wallace just sat there all hunched over in his chair, his shriveled, reptilian lips puckering like the anus of a large yak."

From Brokeback Jihad at BlameBush!

Not The New York Times

The New York Times:
. . . with a careful, thoroughly grounded opinion, one judge in Michigan has done what 535 members of Congress have so abysmally failed to do. She has reasserted the rule of law over a lawless administration and shown why issues of this kind belong within the constitutional process created more than two centuries ago to handle them.
The Washington Post:
THE NATION would benefit from a serious, scholarly and hard-hitting judicial examination of the National Security Agency's program of warrantless surveillance. The program exists on ever-more uncertain legal ground; it is at least in considerable tension with federal law and the Bill of Rights. Careful judicial scrutiny could serve both to hold the administration accountable and to provide firmer legal footing for such surveillance as may be necessary for national security.

Unfortunately, the decision yesterday by a federal district court in Detroit, striking down the NSA's program, is neither careful nor scholarly, and it is hard-hitting only in the sense that a bludgeon is hard-hitting. The angry rhetoric of U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor will no doubt grab headlines. But as a piece of judicial work -- that is, as a guide to what the law requires and how it either restrains or permits the NSA's program -- her opinion will not be helpful.
Judge Diggs found the program (about which she took no evidence, relying instead on what she read in the newspaper) to violate the First and Fourth Amendments to the Constitution, as well as to contravene the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act ("FISA"). It is our view that the program does not violate the Fourth Amendment, that discussion of the First Amendment in this context is just plain silly, and that these activities violate FISA.

Contra Judge Diggs, the ACLU, the New York Times and many other fuzzy-thinkers, however, that conclusion not only does not answer the question, it simply clears the stage so that the real question can be posed:
Does the Constitution grant to the Executive certain powers which, particularly in time of war, may not be limited or interfered with by the other branches of the Government?
The answer is plainly that it does. Certainly Congress cannot pass a statute asserting that it has lost confidence in the military abilities of George W. Bush and, accordingly, appoints Nancy Pelosi as Commander in Chief of the armed forces of the United States.

And so the question, not even posed by Judge Diggs, is whether this particular program involves the exercise by the President of such a power. We're not so sure that it does.

More (and better) ruminating at NRO, and The Volokh Conspiracy. There is even a remarkably scream-free analysis at Power Line.


Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Secret Secret In-N-Out Menu: Revealed!

Regular readers will probably know of my own, as well as the Farmer's (albeit less seasoned) affinity for In-N-Out Burger. We talk about it a lot (most recently when its founder passed away). Best fast food burger in the country. Amazing. You know the drill.

Those less familiar with the chain probably are unaware of the "Secret In-N-Out Menu," which just refers to "special" ways you can order your burger to get cool stuff on it. For example: order your burger "Animal Style" to get grilled onions, triple pickles, and lots of their delicious burger dressing. "The Flying Dutchman," on the other hand, is a 4x4 (that is, 4 patties of beef and 4 slices of cheese) served plain in a bun. Don't ask me where the names came from.

Today, I fought off my distaste for all things Los Angeles and read Defamer, which pointed me to this gem of a post on another L.A. blog: The Secret Secret In-N-Out Menu. Reprinted below is the menu, in its entirety, from the original post. However, we recommend clicking over to read all of the amazing comments, which have expanded the list considerably.
The Secret Secret In-N-Out Menu

The Cold Karl
- A generous dollop of chocolate shake ice cream coiled atop an open-faced pair of buns.

The Monet
- An inverted paper employee hat filled with 32 oz. of burger dressing, topped with pickles floated on the surface.

√(4 x 4)/4
- Hamburger.

Vegan Style
- 4 leafs of lettuce between 2 leafs of lettuce.

John 3:16 style fries
- Fries, no salt.

Mt. Rushmore
- 4 fresh whole potatoes, peeled and hand carved to the likenesses of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln, deep-fried to golden brown perfection.

Deluxe Flying Dutchman
- Kobe beef culotte steak, seved with jalapeno marmalade, with roasted tomato and morel mushroom flan on the side.

The Billy
- After ordering, head out back by the dumpsters and wait a bit. Billy will blow you on his next break. (Hollywood location, Weds 4-8 only.)


[UPDATE - 9:50 p.m. -- You'll not want to miss the chance to acquire a genuine "pancakes" souvenir. On eBay, of course.]

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

In Which We Remind You That McSweeney's Is Actually Pretty Damn Funny

Short Imagined Monologues: "Morgan Freeman Buys a Pop-A-Shot Machine"

An excerpt:
What sort of machine am I looking for, you ask? Well, sonny, that's a harder question than you know. The way I see it, a man can grow close to a machine. Closer than he might suspect. One day you're wandering aimlessly, swallowed up by the great expanse of sky around you, trying hard to make some meaning out of life, this place, this man you see before you every day in the mirror, on the movie screen and the like. Well, let me tell you, sonny—to come home to the glorious sound of your Pop-A-Shot machine, blinking and beeping as if to comfort you, console you in your quest for truth ... this does more for me than I think your mind might comprehend.
Man, they're funny. Read the whole thing.

Religious Schools

Today’s New York Times has a story about a fundamentalist Christian school where the students, aged 7 to 14, spend the entire day, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday, memorizing the New Testament. No math, no science, no English: Just Bible study. And the Times goes out of its way to explain the benefits of this sort of schooling. You could have knocked me over with a feather.

I think I’ve got that right, but you'll want to check out the story for yourself, HERE.

Ann Althouse has more to say on the same subject.

We Have a Winner!

The editorial staff of G&S is considering creation of a weekly prize for the best, most outrageous, most accurate, most Democrat-enraging, laugh-out-loud rhetorical flourish.

This week's first nominee is ~

Michelle Malkin: " . . . the Grey Lady really dons the full-metal-hijab for Hezbollah this time . . . ."

We would be pleased to receive your nominations, and will gladly preserve your anonymity, upon the condition that your email include as an attachment a compromising photograph.

[Editor's note: Ann Coulter is not eligible, having retired the previous trophy with: "Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now." Perhaps we could call it the "Coulter Cup."]

Ned Lamont Speaks

This morning's Wall Street Journal provides a platform for Ned Lamont, the fellow who last week nearly lost a Democratic primary in Connecticut to George Bush's best buddy. Ned explains:
In 1984, with a loan from People's Bank, I started Campus TeleVideo from scratch. Our offer was unique: Rather than provide a one-size-fits-all menu of channels, we let the customers design their cable system based on the character of the community being served.

From the moment I filled out that loan application, I've been in every part of the business -- pulling cable, hiring workers, picking a good health-care plan, closing deals, listening to customers and fixing problems. It's been profitable, and it's been instructive, a quintessentially American experience. Here, entrepreneurs have the freedom to be successful in ways the rest of the world admires.

These defining lessons of my business experience are central in my campaign . . . .
I'm sure they are.

The question is just exactly what those lessons were. Someone ought to tell Neddy that getting rich from a government-granted monopoly like cable television isn't exactly the same cutting-edge, pioneering spirit shown in having a go at the hardware business in Deadwood. And we're quite sure, of course, that Neddy -- scion of old Wall Street wealth and Harvard connections -- didn't use any family juice to put in the fix when the cable franchise was granted.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I Am SO Not Motivated

I hate those "motivational" posters and pix. You know: the ones that have quotations about "winning" and "hanging on" next to a picture of some kitten dangling by its front claws over the rim of the Grand Canyon. Oddly, there are a couple of them displayed prominently at the nearby deli where I normally get lunch. Pretty out of place, since the Korean owner carries a fully-charged taser in his back pocket.

But I digress.

I've finally come across my kind of motivational artwork:

And next time your boss, and HIS boss, take you to that important meeting, and you're all excited about how they're finally realizing how good you are?

Just remember: You're Ensign Ricky.

More HERE.

And, if all else fails, there's always THESE.

"I could just sit at home and drink and watch that movie."

Of course you could, my dear. Since nearly half-a-million folks have viewed Britney & KFed's home movie in the last few days, we knew you wouldn't want to miss it (pretty much sfw, but it may rot your brain):

And why do we think that THIS is related somehow?

Monday, August 14, 2006

Fidel Lives! Photographic Proof!

"Fidel Castro at a rally today with an unidentified supporter. He's talking on his new Blackberry 8600g and carrying today's edition of the L.A. Times.(IMAO Fauxto/Cadet Happy)"

Who can now doubt the robust good health of the maximum leader? More photographic evidence HERE.

Sunday, August 13, 2006


A roundup of the situation in the Middle East, "frequently asked questions" style:
1) What would happen if all the Arab nations and their terrorist proxies like Hezbollah set down their arms and gave up their ambitions to drive Israel into the sea?

There would be peace in the Middle East.

2) What would happen if Israel disbanded the IDF, junked its nuclear weapons and declared to its neighbors that she would do anything to live in peace?

Israel would be annihilated, millions of its citizens killed. The term genocide could be used to describe the ensuing holocaust, but since that term has been so hopelessly debased by American academics, a new term would have to be created like super-duper-mega genocide to really capture the nature of things.
More HERE.

Friday, August 11, 2006

R.I.P., Animal Style

The AP reported last weekend (sorry for the delay, we've been in mourning) that Esther Snyder, founder of In-N-Out Burger, has died of undisclosed causes at age 86.

No word as of yet on the fallout for the chain's delicious, delicious food. Perhaps a field report will be in order soon. Of course, we'll check in periodically (one week, two weeks, two-and-a-half weeks, three weeks, etc.) and report back if any serious quality effects are noticed.

It's the least we can do.

Straws in the Wind

The Associated Press reports from Michigan:
MUSKEGON HEIGHTS, Mich. -- A woman who feared she would lose her boyfriend while she recuperated from surgery arranged for her 15-year-old daughter to have sex with him, authorities said.

Police said the three signed an agreement specifying the sexual services the girl would perform and the compensation she would receive, including clothing and body piercings. The 37-year-old man and the girl had sex about 20 times over two months, police said.
In apparently unrelated news, The 2007 "Men of Mortuaries™" Calendar is scheduled to be available in October of 2006. Order yours HERE.

In political news from (where else?) Tampa
TAMPA, Fla. -- A political debate on a Tampa television station spun out of control on Saturday and ended with one guest throwing a chair at the other.

Two men were debating Israel when things got heated. They began trading insults.

As the moderator tried to calm things down, one of the men stormed off the set.

That's when he threw a chair at his opponent from somewhere, off-camera.

The exchange took place on a show called "The Bleeping Truth," which airs on a community affairs channel.

The moderator said the two have appeared on the program before without any physical confrontations.

The man who threw the chair is Tony Katz, a Republican and the host of an Internet talk show.

The man hit by the chair is Joe Redner, a Democrat running for a county commission seat. Redner also is the well-known owner of a Tampa strip club.
And, finally, tomorrow is the 25th anniversary of the announcement, in 1981, of IBM's personal computer. More HERE. Your humble and obedient servant acquired his first computer in the fall of 1982: An Apple II Plus, with 48 kilobytes of RAM.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

UK Panel Asks: Why Do They Hate Airplanes?

(2006-08-10) — The British Parliament, in a rapid response to a terror plot foiled by Scotland Yard yesterday, announced formation of a study panel today to determine why some Muslims hate airplanes.

Early reports indicate 21 men have been taken into custody in connection with a plan to take down an unknown number of U.S.-bound passenger jets originating in Great Britain.

The expert panel will examine various theories about why airplanes engender such hatred among devoted followers of a peaceful religion.

“Is it the horrendous noise? The speed? The condensation trails?” said one unnamed source close to the panel, listing some of the areas of inquiry the experts plan to pursue. “Because if it’s any of those things, we can get to work on engineering changes to make airplanes more tolerable to our Muslim brothers.”
More HERE.

Lies, Damn Lies, and . . . .

You won't be seeing this on 60 Minutes, NBC Nightly News, or in the New York Times any time soon:

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Speaking of Home Design

I want one, and The TreeHouse Company will design and build one for me.

Israel's Peculiar Position

Nearly 40 years ago, on May 26, 1968, the Los Angeles Times published this column by Eric Hoffer:
The Jews are a peculiar people: Things permitted to other nations are forbidden to the Jews.

Other nations drive out thousands, even millions of people, and there is no refugee problem. Russia did it. Poland and Czechoslovakia did it. Turkey threw out a million Greeks, and Algeria a million Frenchmen. Indonesia threw out heaven knows how many Chinese--and no one says a word about refugees.

But in the case of Israel, the displaced Arabs have become eternal refugees. Everyone insists that Israel must take back every single Arab. Arnold Toynbee calls the displacement of the Arabs an atrocity greater than any committed by the Nazis.
Other nations when victorious on the battlefield dictate peace terms. But when Israel is victorious it must sue for peace. Everyone expects the Jews to be the only real Christians in this world.

Other nations when they are defeated survive and recover, but should Israel be defeated it would be destroyed. Had Nasser triumphed last June, he would have wiped Israel off the map, and no one would have lifted a finger to save the Jews. No commitment to the Jews by any government, including our own, is worth the paper it is written on. There is a cry of outrage all over the world when people die in Vietnam or when two Negroes are executed in Rhodesia. But when Hitler slaughtered Jews no one remonstrated with him.

The Swedes, who are ready to break off diplomatic relations with America because of what we do in Vietnam, did not let out a peep when Hitler was slaughtering Jews. They sent Hitler choice iron ore and ball bearings, and serviced his troop trains to Norway.

The Jews are alone in the world. If Israel survives, it will be solely because of Jewish efforts and Jewish resources.

Yet at this moment Israel is our only reliable and unconditional ally. We can rely more on Israel than Israel can rely on us. And one has only to imagine what would have happened last summer had the Arabs and their Russian backers won the war to realize how vital the survival of Israel is to America and the West in general. I have a premonition that will not leave me; as it goes with Israel, so will it go with all of us. Should Israel perish, the holocaust will be upon us.

More Zionist Atrocities!


More HERE.

Fauxtography update HERE.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

What's in a Name?

BANGKOK (Reuters) - Thai cultural watchdogs have banned a line of condoms whose name translates as "Good Penetration", saying the suggestive label could draw youngsters into having sex earlier, newspapers reported on Tuesday.

The condoms are actually named "Tom Dundee" after the stage name of a popular country singer, but Culture Ministry officials said this was inappropriate and offended good norms and culture, the Thai Rath tabloid said.

"Dundee" in Thai means "Good Penetration".

"Although the name is not vulgar or rude, it is ambiguous, boastful and provocative," said Ladda Tangsupachai of the Cultural Watch Centre.

"It could entice excessive consumption . . . ," she added.
Well. We're not sure we know what to say. So, in no particular order:

I won't wear a shirt with some other guy's name on it;

"Tom Dundee" is a famous Thai "country" singer? Like American country (as in "I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here," or "I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart")? Or Thai folk music?

Is "Tom Dundee" a common name in Thailand? (Just as a point of reference, the king is named Bhumibol Adulyadej, while the Prime Minister is Thaksin Shinawatra.)

What would constitute "excessive consumption" in this context?

In Thai there's actually a word that means "good penetration?" Could I have the origin, and could you use it in a sentence, please?

And, finally, we must observe that we have sometimes been most successful when being "ambiguous, boastful and provocative."

Why Not a Coloring Book?

The New York Sun reports:
An activity book for children about the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks . . . contains pages of "trivia questions" and math problems about the attack.

The booklet, funded in part by an event involving Olympic silver medal winner Nancy Kerrigan, is intended to make for "a happy 9/11 commemorative event," said Tara Modlin, the founder of the organization distributing it, Stars, Stripes & Skates. "To teach kids about an event so morbid, we needed to make something fun for them," she said.


Stars, Stripes & Skates, an organization that hosts an annual ice-skating fund-raiser that commemorates the September 11 attacks, is currently distributing 10,000 booklets, which include math equations involving the numbers nine and 11, a connect-the-dot exercise that shows New York's old skyline, a word search for keywords such as "Osama bin Laden," "Twin Towers," and "Taliban," and various "trivia questions." The booklets are being delivered to schools and ice rinks across the Northeast.

In the clues for the "word search," Mayor Giuliani's name is misspelled.
Can we make this stuff up? We cannot. Hat tip to Jonah's Mom.

Monday, August 07, 2006


"He's got a plan to restore order in Iraq. He knows how to deal with insurgents. He's got a proven track record for keeping the peace between Shiites and Sunnis. He's an avowed secularist, a staunch enemy of Iran, and a big fan of cheap plentiful oil for the West. What's not to like?"

Just so.

Phoney Pix

If you've not been spending your time in a bunker in Northern Israel dodging terrorist rocket attacks, then you probably already know about phoney news pix. If not, Pajamas Media has a pretty good wrap-up HERE, but you'll also want to look HERE and HERE.

But we're just as interested in phoney video. In our "Don't Try This at Home" category, we came across this:

War is an ugly thing

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse. When a people are used as mere human instruments for firing cannon or thrusting bayonets, in the service and for the selfish purposes of a master, such war degrades a people. A war to protect other human beings against tyrannical injustice; a war to give victory to their own ideas of right and good, and which is their own war, carried on for an honest purpose by their free choice, -- is often the means of their regeneration. A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. As long as justice and injustice have not terminated their ever- renewing fight for ascendancy in the affairs of mankind, human beings must be willing, when need is, to do battle for the one against the other."

-- John Stuart Mill, "The Contest in America."

Nouri al-Maliki, meet John Dingell

"I wish to apologize for the ill-considered and careless remarks I recently made with respect to Israel and Hezbollah. As all who review my record will see, I have been a steadfast and consistent friend to the only democratic nation in the Middle East. Similarly, I have repeatedly called for the European Union and others to recognize Hezbollah for the murderous terrorist organization that it is. My remarks, during a television interview, were made in the context of consideration of the specific language of a draft United Nations resolution. My intention was to suggest that the immediate problem is the ongoing war between Israel and Hezbollah. My purpose was to suggest that it does no good to negotiate a cease-fire that the Government of Israel will accept, if it is at the same time unacceptable to Hezbollah. To think that there is some sort of moral equivalence between a democratic nation, on the one hand, and a gang of thugs, on the other, is at least foolish, and at worst dangerous. But one must sometimes negotiate with criminals -- local or international -- and this is one of those times. I regret that I spoke carelessly, and that my remarks were not an accurate reflection of my views."

This is not the apology issued by the Honorable John D. Dingell, Democrat of Michigan. But it could have been, and one must wonder why it was not given. Congressman Dingell, the most senior member of the House of Representatives, and in line for a powerful committee chairmanship should the Democrats capture the House in November (as they might well), instead released THIS letter to Rush Limbaugh (who had spoken of Mr. Dingell's remarks), in which Mr. Dingell insists instead:
For your own political agenda, you ignored the facts and relied on an edited soundbite which does not stand up to the scrutiny of unbiased reporters.
So let us take Mr. Dingell at his word. Here is the unedited interview with the Congressman:

As you can see, Mr. Dingell was given an explicit opportunity to retract, amend or explain his equation of Israel and the terrorists, and he stuck to his original statement: He doesn't take sides in a conflict between a free nation and international criminals who target civilians as a matter of policy, and place their weapons and other military materials in civilian neighborhoods and buildings, to maximize collateral civilian casualties.

It is thus clear that Mr. Dingell made no mistake. As the Washington Times pointed out:
Part of what's behind Mr. Dingell's appalling refusal to condemn Hezbollah are the tens of thousands of Muslims, mostly Shi'ites, living in his Michigan district. The city of Dearborn especially is one of the largest Arab communities outside the Middle East. One neighborhood of Dearborn, which is just to the west of Detroit, has a population that is over 90 percent Muslim. As the New York Times reported, "it seems nearly everyone [in Dearborn] has relatives trapped in Lebanon by the attacks or knows someone who does."

In other words, when Mr. Dingell refuses to denounce Hezbollah, he's simply catering to a large segment of his constituency. Only in his case, the constituents aren't farmers or steelworkers; some are open supporters of a group the State Department labels a terrorist organization. Indeed, since the hostilities began in southern Lebanon, protests thousands strong have been held at Dearborn's Islamic Center of America, which is the largest mosque in the United States, condemning Israel and criticizing the Bush administration for its support of Israel.
It is difficult to get one's mind entirely around Mr. Dingell's thinking. He is clearly consumed with the all-too-common politician's lust for election, and the power and privilege that it brings, to the exclusion of principle, justice, or reason. He believes (perhaps rightly) that a significant number of his constituents wish the destruction of Israel in particular, and the Jews in general. Thus, he expresses their views, and they support him with votes and contributions. Has he, perhaps, been studying the career of Vidkun Quisling?

But it is unclear why other leaders of the Democratic Party have failed to react to Mr. Dingell with the same moral energy that they turned upon Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. You will recall that the leadership of the Democratic party demanded that Maliki expressly support Israel and condemn Hezbollah as a condition to his invitation to address the Congress of the United States.

It seems odd that the oldest political party in the world refuses to require of one of its own that which it demands from a foreign head-of-government. This is, after all, a party that has no problem whatever with purging the politically incorrect. Just ask Joe Lieberman.

So there you have it: A senior Democrat says he won’t take sides in the war between Hezbollah and Israel, and the party's leadership is silent.

[Editor's Note: The photograph at the top of this post is of a movie actor who recently, while intoxicated, apparently relieved himself of some truly astonishing and repulsive opinions. We invite our readers to do a news search for reportage and commentary respecting this drunken fellow and compare the results to their own searches for coverage in the New York Times or the Washington Post of Congressman Dingell's sober statements. Apparently the ravings of a drunken actor are incomparably more important than the policy statements of senior elected Democrats. We are surprised right down to the bottoms of our red high-tops.]

Saturday, August 05, 2006

August 5, 1966

Forty years ago today the Beatles released Revolver in England. Popular music has never been quite the same.